What are you Doing?!?

Shouldn't you be working right now?

Friday, November 30, 2012

A Blog o Lists

It's been a while since a blog of lists, so I'm gonna tell you about the stuff that I'm obsessed with lately. Here we go!

TV shows:

Big Bang Theory and Modern Family, of course.

Walking Dead, of course. Twice. I mean good God. I get so involved, I strenuously enjoy arguing with the plot and assassinating the idiot characters. plus; zombies. What up.

Top Gear. It's a British car show. Who'da thunk? They're zarking hilarious AND I get to freak people out with surprising car knowledge. I sure don't look like a gear head.

Don't even talk to me about Top Chef. If there was such a thing as chef baseball cards, I'd have 'em all.

Say Yes to the Dress. don't judge me, it's all kinds of feel good. Shut up, I don't cry.

Music (songs):

Little Talks - Of Monsters and Men
Somebody I used to Know - Gotye (pronounced Goat-ee-a, I've learned) - have you seen that crazy video with the 5 people and the one guitar doing this song? I was so baffled and jealous. Talented jerks.
No Church in the Wild - Kanye and Jay-Z (I know. I KNOW.)
I Gots to get Paid - ZZ Top (What? ZZ Top?)

Web Stuff:

PINTEREST! For really reals, this is my new fave. Screw facebook, I spend days on pinterest.com

www.postsecret.com. It's sad and lovely, and devastating, and so refreshingly real.

That's all I can think of for now.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Hi guys

I know it's probably the time of year/semester (the last two weeks), but Sweet Jesus on a stick, I am sick to death of school. It's not just me right? I think it's everyone, well, every student. Staring longingly at Christmas decorations, pushing off plans in order to study for finals......le sigh.

So let us focus on the positives my friends, enough of this droopy drawers moaning! Positive thing the first: I am finished Christmas shopping! I on-line window shopped, had everything ready and then did it all in one fell swoop on black Friday. Wonderful!

Thing the second; I have almost paid off my Christmas purchases. Now I'm just talkin crazy, I know - $200 more dollars and my Christmas debt is gone. Not too shabby.

The big craft fair was this past weekend, and as always, I went with my beaded pretties. It was so wonderful to see friends, and all the children and babies, and to see everyone so excited for Christmas. While I didn't do great sales-wise, I had lots of fun.

Positive thing the third: remember how I failed a course this time last year? This year, so far, I'm actually passing this course. It's a very strange feeling for me. Not to be passing, but to be happy about passing. My grades are generally pretty good, so it's been a stiff shock, being SHIT HAPPY about a pass. My final exam for this course is on the 12th, and if you have any love in your heart for your poor beleaguered friend, you'll pray for me.

 Or whatever you do, I'm an equal opportunity accepter of good will.

In other news, I ordered a T-Pain mic for myself last night. My darling should probably be terrified of the noise potential for this purchase. Oh there will be auto tuning of every Christmas carol known to man. Oh yes.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012


So heres the thing guys. Perhaps it's a failing on my part (I do in fact turn into a vacant-staring mouth breather around computers), but I am no longer able to publish with relatie annonimity. When I logged back in last week for the first time in forever, I had to set up a profile and put in a name, and generally make myself known to the man.

I don't like this. I tried to put my name in as The Help, and basically I was told (electronically of course) to stick it up my wazoo. I use my name or I use nothing.

I mean, I know that I was fooling anyone with my nickname, but I did like the sheild, the faceless quality. And I can't do that anymore. I'm like batman with an identity crises (I know, you were probably just thinking about how much like Batman I am).

So I can't talk about my work, or my shitty, shitty school situation. I can't be full-on honest anymore, and I don't like that man. I'm a shitty liar.

I haven't decided if I'm going to keep writing or not. And may I just say; Balls.

The Blogger formerly known as the Help.
Hi, I'm Nicole.


Saturday, November 10, 2012

Be Warned: Moderate Grossness Ahead

The post-surgical hurty finger.

Hello Dah-links

I haven't written in like 5 months, it's like i've been re-virgin-ized in the whole writing process. I'm a born again virgin. Yeah, I never bought that crap either.....did you have someone come to your school when you were a teenager and talk about the perils of teenage sex, and then clim they were a born again virgin? I did, and even in my as yet unjaded teenage years, I didn't fall for it. sounds to me like you were a raging slut and needed to justify it to yourself lady. but what do I know?

So a lot has happened since I last wrote. A lot of it was just normal life stuff, and honestly I was too tired, like mentally (who knew I was capable of such things?) to write every day. There were days I had a hard time brushing my teeth, so writing was out of the question.

On the good news front, I finally, after a 150 year wait, got my hurty finger fixed! I have a hurty finger no more, and I have literally not taken pain killers ONCE since the post-surgical pain wore off. For the first time in my adult life. I'll include a pic below, but be warned, it ain't pretty. Whats funny about the surgery - I figured since it was such a small thing, doctors kept telling me that it wasn't a big deal (don't you feel like punching people in the nads when they tell you pain isn't real?).....I figured I'd have the surgery in the morning, and be playing piano that afternoon. No so. The surgery kicked my ass, it was nuts. The morphine may have had a part to play in my ass kicking. I got on a plane to Ottawa the night of my surgery (smart move), and my awesome fella picked me up at the airport, and apparently all I did for the rest of the evening was cry and mumble "morphine". What a delight i must have been to be around. Good news is, I don't remember any of it, so I'm just pretending it wasn't me.

I'm back in school. That's all I have to say about that.

I'm going through some stuff right now. I haven't decided if I'm going to talk about it here or not, but I don't want to talk about it today. Suffice it to say, I've had some terrible things happen, and I'm coping. Well. I'm trying.

It's good to see you all again.

The Help

Saturday, May 5, 2012

My darlings, My dears

How I have missed you! Please don't hate, let me explain my absence. Picture the last three weeks.....here is what I did: Week 1 (3 weeks ago), had exams (which I kinda killed), worked. Week 2, had clinical time in the hospital, did gross stuff, learned stuff, worked. At the very end of week 2, found out that I was moving, and that I was working/in hospital every day up to moving day. Finished clinical and went home to pack all my worldly possessions. Worked. Moved. Was stressed to the point of breakdown. But!

We have moved, my wonderful man and I. Since our move (not quite a week ago), we have begun breathing on the regular. Sleeping too. Our new place is so much bigger (we have THREE windows now. Three!), it feels like a different world.

And let me tell you something about our happiness levels - we are at an all time high. There has been ZERO snot hawked on our doorknob since moving. There has been no fresh vomit on my stairs, and I have not had to call the police once.

The world feels different when you can sleep. It feels different too, when not living in a cave, I mean having three windows has changed my life. It's the little things.

So I'm working still, but only a few shifts a week, and otherwise, I'm cooking, and sleeping and learning to sew. I'm reading, and trying really, really hard to not feel guilty for doing almost nothing. I don't need to accomplish stuff all the time right? I don't need to always running. Right?

We'll see.

The Help

Monday, April 16, 2012

Pull it together!

I don't usually go all political up in here, but I have noticed recently (on facebook, which I guess my own fault, cause fb sucks) that people are posting these news articles about budget cuts, programs shutting down, wah wah wah.

I have two questions for said people:

1. Why are you surprised?!? Budget cuts are the name of the game in governmental spending. The other thing us useless expenditure. So it was, so it is, so it ever shall be. Shad ap, all this postulating and forecasting is not at all proving how smart you are, it proves that you can regurgitate ages-old "opinions".

2. Why post this stuff on facebook? Do you fool yourself into thinking that any high ranking member of the government reads this stuff? "Oh my god, Bob Smith over in Red Deer doesn't like my fiscal policy, I'd best shut that shit down right now! Cake, therapy and music lessons for all!" C'mooooon.

Yes, I do understand freedom of expression, and having an opinion and whatnot, I mean, what am I really doing here, but expressing myself. I just don't understand people's fear and surprise at shitty things happening to good people/programs. Tilting at windmills yo.

I think the same thing every time I read these stories or statuses - yes, this sucks, but what are you DOING about it? I volunteer, I give crap, I throw in a helping hand when I can. Imagine if all the people who complained about programs being cut gave an hour a week to volunteering? There would be more volunteers then programs, and how wonderful would that be?

This is gonna be the only time I'm gonna do this quote thing, but I think in this instance, it applies:
"Be the change you want to see in the world" Gandhi

The Help

Saturday, April 14, 2012

They see me rollin

I've had a difficult time writing this particular post - not that there's anything wrong, it just happens to be post number 100. I felt like the one-hundredth post should be monumental, some sort of spectacular. I've been running topics in my head, trying to come up with something worthy, and then I had an idea; Fuck it! Ha ha, I will write whatever, and it'll be just fine.

The Messy Dressy was a week ago. It was a wonderful night, though admittedly not nearly as raucous as previous years. My darling wore a kilt, it was unendingly hot. Like ridiculous. I couldn't stop staring at him, and strangers were stopping him in the restaurant and hotel to tell him how good he looked. Yummy.

I got very, very, oh so very drunk. I was home by midnight. My man was also very drunk, and here is the best story of the night: once home, I realised that I needed to be sick (don't be alarmed, I'm a barfer. I have it down to a clean science now), so I went into the bathroom. My wonderful boyfriend helpfully made puking sounds every time I ralphed. I'm sure if he had be remotely sober he would have held my hair or whatever (though I'm also a private chucker, so probably not), but as he had such a difficult time with his shoes ("goddamn unrelenting shoes"), I wasn't surprised to learn that he didn't remember this, ahem, moral support.

There's a lot of words for vomit hey?

I have two exams and a week of clinical, and then I'm free.

The zombie shoes that no Messy Dressy outfit o' mine would be complete without.

The Help

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Messy Dressy Anyone?

I've been informed that it is 4 days until the 4th Annual Messy Dressy. I am terrified, and let me tell you why:

A re-cap of the last 3 Messy Dressys

Year One - Unaware that it would turn into an annual event, I spent a bunch of time shopping on-line, and mistakenly purchased 5 inch heels. Wore the heels, even though it was still in the throes of winter and they made me approximately 7 feet tall.

I fell off of my towering heels, and broke my ankle that year. After breaking my ankle, I allegedly went to the shooter bar and said something along the line of "that's gonna hurt tomorrow, someone give me a shot, ahahahahaha", and then danced on said broken ankle until closing time. Someone had to help me haul the shoe offa my ankle as it was so swollen and gross by the end of the night. I am so proud.

Year Two - I got home 2 full days after I left my apartment. I repeat, 2 days. I have a picture of me wearing a crown in a bathroom. I have no recollection of either a bathroom or a crown, though I assume (based on the pictures) I was in a bathroom wearing a crown at some point, and I also learned a lesson. Wore black hightop sneakers. The afterparty was legendary. Apparently.

Year Three - At the pre-party dinner, the restaurant allowed me to plug my ipod into the sound system and we played the Roxanne Drinking Game* during dinner. Not only did we play this drinking game in a fancy restaurant dressed as if we were going to the prom, we called over the other patrons of the restaurant (including some random's grandfather) to play/drink with us. And they did it.

Each year, the party happens at the Legion, and each year, I apparently sing with whomever is performing that night. Again, I can surmise this only from pictures. Heh.

Last year, I spent the day after the party putting my bathroom back together, and cleaning up vomit (not mine).

Good times.

The Help

*You play the song Roxanne by the Police. Half the people drink when they say "Roxanne" and the other half drinks when they say "you don't have to put on the red light". They say each of these things 600 times - we went from zero to hammered in 3 minutes (grandpa was WASTED). Try it some time!

Friday, March 30, 2012

Well, that was brutal.

I've been to a lot of funerals in my time. A lot, a lot, a lot. When your mom is the youngest of 17 (true story), there's always someone buying the farm, it's just the way it is.

I've gone to funerals for young people, old people, long-term sick people, and surprise deaths too.

Today I went to my first funeral in the North.

A girl in my class, lost her father this week. He was a very popular and well-loved man in the city, and there were so many people there, they spilled into the hall, and the porch beyond.

At first, it seemed like a typical funeral, but then the wailing began. It was gut-wrenching, retching sobbing that filled up the room. It was a siren song for mourners; come grieve with me, don't let me be alone.

It was terrible, and beautiful.

I have never encountered anything like it. It made southern funerals seems stunted, cut short. Why do we hold back? Why do we hide our grief?

I think I'm going have a drink now.

The Help

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

That's the kind of math I like

I did a little math today. I have (spread over 2 weeks), 7 days of classes left! For this semester. This does not include exam week or clinical time in the hospital, but this is a manageable number for me. 7 days. I guess that's not really math, it's just thinking, but whatever, work with me here mm'kay?

3 months and 5 days until I go on vacation. FOR A MONTH. There won't be ANY snow whatsoever. I'm not gonna lie, I've been spending a lot of time in the last little while looking at summer clothes that I'm lusting after, and thinking about summer menus to cook for my wonderful friends down south.

You know what's funny? I cook, like a lot. I'm kinda prideful about it (is prideful the right word in this situation? Only other usage of prideful I can think of is getting a lecture about it in school. God bless the catholics). Point is, I love to cook, I have fancy pants cooking utensils, and am forever feeding people and watching them react to the food (sidenote, I think that is the best bit about cooking. Watching people fall in love with something they never even thought of before. But I digress). Long story short (too late), I cook, I love to cook, and I don't think I have ever cooked for my family. For real. What the frak is that about?? Weird hey? I guess it's cause I don't live in Newfoundland anymore, and I didn't really find my cooking legs (whatever, you know what I mean) until I moved to Nunavut. Which is also kind of funny, given the price of food around here. It's expensive to be experimenting in the kitchen.

I remember the first time my parents REALLY heard me sing. It was the same sort of thing. I never really stop singing, and they heard me sing in church a bajillion times (which is not really singing, It's the little white gloves of singing.). But after my friend Michael's funeral, me and all my hippie friends descended on my parents house (mom made a giant meal for us all, as none of us had eaten for days. I wonder where I get it from.....) and after eating, we decided to sing. We wanted to sing him up. We sang every song every one of us had ever known, and then some.

My parents were there, hovering in the background, and I remember very clearly (everything that happened that day is burned into my memory), my mom saying to me later "I knew you could sing, but I didn't know you could sing like that. I didn't know you could do that." It is one of my fondest memories ever, let alone of that day, when there weren't many good memories.

I can't wait to do this again. I'm thinking a mango gazpacho to start.

The Help

Saturday, March 24, 2012

A blog o' lists

But first, for the second time in TWO WEEKS, your friend the help, has gone out, and drank herself silly. I had a dear friend's stagette last night, and dear god. I mean, the penis talk. And now today, I am paying. I'm paying and paying.

Worth it.

So in  my hungover haze, I decided to undertake a giant undertaking - organize and clean my dvd collection. For the first time ever, my dvds are in alphabetical order. Yeah, I have around 400 dvds. To the lists!

Top Ten Favorite Movies of All Time: (in no particular order)
Dawn of the Dead (2004)
Shawn of the Dead
Batman (1989)
Love Actually
Across the Universe
Children of Men
Dirty Dancing
The Fifth Element
A Mighty Wind

My Top Fave I-don't care-that-you-hate-'em movies:
The Happening
Run Fatboy Run
Shall We Dance
Shoot 'Em Up
What Happens in Vegas
The Proposal

Movies I can't believe I own:
Norbit (could't even finish watching it. I may be too smart)
The Rocker (I mean, good god)
Wayne's World 2
Trick r Treat (Just TERRIBLE)
Vantage Point (I'm so ashamed)
I now Pronounce you Chuck and Larry (why is Adam Sandler still allowed to make movies?)
Jennifer's body
Knight and Day (no excuses)
The Lake House (a gift, swears)

Top Under-Appreciated Movies:
The Waitress
The Losers (funny and explody)
The Replacements
Charlie Bartlett
Bottle Shock

The Old School List:
Empire records
The Goonies
Almost Famous
Bring it On (shut up)
Clue (for real, watch it again as a grown up)

I could also do a top zombie movie list, a top horror movie list and a top musicals list, but this is enough for today. Plus my computer is almost dead.

Notice the almost complete lack of drama flicks? I hate 'em. I think life is too short.

The Help

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Spring has blanked us again

All over facebook today, people are moaning about how it's only 5 degrees, or how it's raining on their first day of spring. I would like to point out, with the windchill here today, it is a mere -47. Yeah.

Today I'm writing entirely as a procrastination project. I have a paper due tomorrow, a critique of an article, and as soon as I catch sight of said article, my vision gets all fuzzy and I find myself looking for something, ANYTHING, to focus on that has nothing to do with a randomized study.

Good news: the movie theatre re-opened a few days ago. I guess the tantrum ended.

Further good news: my darling ordered a birthday gift for me, that came in the mail this week, and even though it's a month til my birthday, gave it to me anyway. My darling gave me a diamond necklace. I am the luckiest.

Just over 3 months til my summer vacation! At which time, I'm sure I'll bitch about the heat.

The Hunger Games movie comes out this week. Yeah, ah, I'm pretty psyched about this. Read the books if you haven't already. I haven't read anything this good since Harry Potter.

May the odds be EVER in your favor.

The Help

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Aaaa, March in the North

So after writing that moany moany (heh, I just realised what I did there. It stays) post the other day, I had several friends text and email, commiserating with me my misery. It's like I forget this time every year.

It happens in our fair city every year around this time. People are SICK TO DEATH of winter and start getting a little frayed around the edges. See for us, there has been significant snow on the ground for 7 months. It has been hovering around -40 to -50 for about three months. A lot of people have about hit their limit, and it's starting to show.

But soon, soon, we will have the sun all night  long, and people will be able to take their parkas off. Soon we'll be able to walk around without fear of our skin freezing in chunks. Take heart my friends, we're almost there.

Every year in April, around my birthday, I throw this party, called the Messy Dressy. Every year, I'm completely blown away by how many people show up, and how thoroughly people participate. Last year I stopped counting at 70 people in dresses and suits, and there is always a flurry of emails when the date gets announced.

I do not fool myself into thinking that it's because of my birthday - it's because around the time that the Messy Dressy happens each year, people need an out. Ladies need a reason to shave their legs, dudes, a reason to shave their beards. It is such a pleasure to see everyone in their finery, forgetting about work and school and coming together in the oldest way known to man - drinking our faces off.

Also, and most importantly, I have a sparkly dress.

The Help

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

The dark side

Nope, there's not even any cookies.

I'm in a mood here today, some might even say a pissy mood. If you don't want to hear about it, or are gonna judge me for it, please, feel free to stop reading.

This mood is for a couple of reasons - I couldn't sleep again last night, my finger hurts totally bad, and I'm having one of those days where I HATE living here.

A list:
1. The one movie theatre is shut down. I have heard of two reasons for this, and I believe both. Reason 1. so few people turned up to the crappy selection of Saturday night movies, the proprietor had a tantrum and shut 'er down (this has happened before, in my tenure in this city). Reason 2. Apparently a movie theatre owner in Yellowknife tattled to whomever regulates movie theatre viewings that "The Iron Lady" wasn't playing in enough time slots, and see above re: tantrum. The reason behind the shut down is not my concern. My concern is that we, as grown ups have 2 options - bars or movies. I don't have the emotional energy for bars these days.

2. There's this tradition here, that artists/carvers/seamstresses can go table to table at restaurants and in hotel lobbys etc to sell their wares. Most of the time, I think this is good - it cuts out the middle man, and the artist gets all the money instead of a chunk of profit, plus you get your pick of interesting and beautiful art. Wonderful. Maybe I'm a bad guy, but I would LOVE to have one meal that isn't interrupted every three minutes. I know, I know, it's tradition, who am I etc.....I'm tired is who I am. Just today, for example, I was having lunch with my darling, and I surprised us both by breaking down crying during a conversation we were having. And still, sitting there with tears running down my face, there is a man trying to convince me to buy his carving. Just give me five minutes man. Just give me a break. Please.

3. Sometimes you wanna go where NO ONE knows your name. Just yesterday, I had a bit of a runaround. A good, dear friend wrote a congratulations in his blog to some friends who had recently gotten engaged. The wording was a little mixed up, so it sounded like he was congratulating ME on getting engaged. Minor mistake right? Small stuff. Yes, true, small stuff, except I had no less then SIXTEEN people call/text/email about it. Some were quite upset that they had found out via electronic medium that I was getting married. I am not getting married. At least not that I'm aware of (and that seems like sometime I would be aware of). Poor, dear friend was mortified.

Theres more, like a lack of bookstores or make-up counters, no place to hold a dear friend's stagette, but those are the big ones. The movie theatre shutting is a devastating blow.

I need a drink.

The Help

Saturday, March 10, 2012


Do you have words that you love, or hate? Do you think that there are words that sound perfect together? There's a movie, called The Good Girl, I think (which is possibly the best thing Jennifer Aniston did since Friends) and the young guy in the movie said that the most beautiful phrase in the english language is "cellar door". I do not happen to agree. I think the most beautiful phrase is "you win". Just kidding (or am I?).

I love the word caress. Lily. I love the phrase (is it a phrase if it's only two words?) cherry blossom. Rock machine (I read that in a book once, it was the name of a biker gang, and I thought it couldn't be more perfect; menacing and blunt).

Words I hate: youngster (someone called me a youngster as a child once, and it sounded like such an insult, I have hated the word ever since. funny huh?), I hate stupid words that are a combination of two other words. We're doing it too often, and when we're all sounding like Rachel Ray, we're giving away what a bunch of dumbasses we are (fantabulous!).

I dislike the word boyfriend. I never really had a problem with it, or even thought about it until I met my darling fella. I had a boyfriend when I was 12, what I have now, it is far too important for a word that I shared with the first boy I ever held hands with on the bus. "Boyfriend" is not enough to describe him.

But then, of course, we get into the problem of "partner". There are so few people who can carry off saying "my partner" without sounding pretentious (not including our gay friends). I raise my eyebrow to you, oh caller of partner.

And maybe, just maybe, I'm a picky bitch. Heh.

The Help

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

You can take your shades off

We all know that I have a certain not-so-secret fondness for gossip blogs. Lately, they've been kinda of turning my stomach however - all this fuss over Whitney Houston's death. Really, really, before she died, when was the last time you thought about her? If the most interesting thing a person has done in the last ten years is to up and die, shit ain't good.

Maybe I sound a little heartless....whatever. Talk to the people who put all the pills in her hand. Look at the doctors who wrote the prescriptions to a WIDELY known drug addict. Fame. Kicks normal people between the eyes.

Then look at this Snooki creature! This child, this orange moron, is pregnant. Do you think there will be reality tv cameras in the delivery room? Probably. Dear Jesus, if it were possible, she'd probably shove a camera up there to record the baby's view coming into the world. I weep for the future.

The Help

Sunday, March 4, 2012

You know, there's times that I'm quite happy to be living in a small place. While Iqaluit is the big city in Nunavut, we still have a pretty small town feel - everyone knows everyone, and there's no such thing as a secret (which is not always great - I mean, what if you get herpes?? Gah!).

This week was one of those times that I'm proud to be Nunavumuit. There was a terrible, terrible fire here this week. I'm sure you heard about it, or saw pictures, or smelled it in the air.

The apartment that my darling lived in before he moved in with me is gone.

I had a debate with myself about talking about the fire, and the conclusion I came to is, I'm not going to talk about the tragic side, I'm going to talk about the wonderful things. Everyone knows about the tragic stuff, the deaths, the losses, the horrifying aftermath for those who lost everything. But there is so much good to this story, it couldn't be looked past.

I happened to be in Ottawa when this happened. My friend and I took the urgent need list, went to walmart and bought out the place, and by the time I went to donate it, I was turned away. What a wonderful thing, to be turned away because they have so much, so many people gave, and gave (I just donated the stuff to other people in need - the ones that never stop needing).

My dear friends at the Iqaluit fire department made us all so proud. These people stood, and worked, and fought in -50 for 15 hours, some for longer. Have you ever done anything for 15 hours, let alone something so hard? I know I haven't. These firefighters, these friends of mine, make me proud to be a friend. One woman, a friend in the nursing program, told me about how she almost fell asleep sitting on the fire hose. Imagine how tired, how drained she  must have felt to be ABLE to fall asleep in those conditions.

A man named Pierre Wolfe walked in circles around the fire site for 24 hours, in an effort to collect money for the victims. He raised over $3000 on his own.

A large group of musicians held a benefit concert, that was put together in haste by a wonderful, caring human being name Jason Devries. They raised over $5600. I also understand the roof may have been raised on that one (see what I did there?).

How lucky are we, those who have so much?

The Help

Saturday, March 3, 2012

The Great Facebook Debate

Raise your hand if you hate facebook. No one is going to judge you (out loud) if you love it, but my goodness, I'm sick to death of it. The people forever moaning in their statuses, or worse, quoting one of those angsty teen girl songs. And what fresh hell is this? Timeline? I don't want it! Leave me alone facebook, why do you continuously fix things that ain't broke??

I remember in the early halceon days of facebook, when it was still a novelty, seeing on a "friend's" (who I barely know) status: "Amy (name changed) kissed a girl and she liked it, the taste of her cherry chapstick", and I am so uncool, I had never heard the song, so my first thought was, hey, good for you, experimenting in lesbianism. Sigh, so deeply uncool.

I follow people who I find interesting, or who have adorable children (that may be my biological clock making that call). I keep in touch with a few friends from home, and some family too, but mostly I use facebook as a vehicle for people to easily read my blog. Like, thats it. How very narcissitic of me, I know.

I hate the drama that comes along with facebook. I used to say that facebook didn't cause drama, people did, and it was just a medium for revealing said drama. I don't buy that anymore.

So many people use facebook to get back at someone. To announce to the world how unhappy they are. To use the relative lack of privacy against others. To bitch and bitch and bitch.....it stresses me out man.
I know, you can block people's statuses from your feed, but I'm down to like 3 people now, cause everyone was pissing me off and/or making me sad.

So what do I do? Stop visiting? I don't really go on that often anymore (which in turn pisses people off because I don't get back to them fast enough for their liking).  Cut the people who drive me to drink? I know, for sure, that doing such a thing would create more drama. Shut it down? While I don't actually go on that much, I still live very far from my friends and family......it's frustrating non?

The great debate; unsettled.

The Help

Thursday, February 16, 2012

We need to talk

What the f-ing F is up with everyone and their sitcom sister saying "wow factor"? Like, what? Where did this come from, and why in God's name, why???

I don't know why it grates on my so, but Lord have mercy, quit it! Commercials; "Now, that's what I call the wow factor", stupid storage wars (which I completely loved for approximately 47 seconds, then I was SO over it), my beloved Say Yes to the Dress (don't judge me, at least I've gotten over bawling like a little girl every time one of the women says yes).

We need to shut this down people. Who in the world wants to sound like Darryl from Storage Wars (yuuuuuuuuuup)? We should, together, aim to sound like Tina Fey, or Lewis Black or even frigging Maury Povich.

I'll wow your factor in a minute.

In other news, it turns out that my first love, Wheels from Degrassi, kicked it. Five years ago. How is it that I know from minute to minute how many lawsuits Lindsay Lohan has against her, yet we don't know it when a Canadian Legend (in my mind) buys the farm? Ah Wheels, we hardly knew ye.

I met him once, when I was like 12. I was in such an awestruck love haze, your friend The Help was unable to speak in his presence. True story.

The Help

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Presented without comment

Ok, one comment: Yummo!

I am the best girlfriend ever

You know why? Not for expensive gifts or daring public proclimations. Let me tell you why; today, even though I FRIGGING HATE IT, I did the dishes. That right there, is love.

Someone just set off a bunch of fireworks outside my apartment building. I mean, jeeze, what a show off. Maybe their song is that Katy Perry one where her boobs shoot out sparklers. Or when they are Hershey's kisses, or something equally strange that makes her boobs into not boobs. It's hard to keep track.

So the whole school thing. This is gonna be my last discussion on the failed course....thing is, I was taking the fail personally. Yes, it's a shitty, shitty bump in the road that does affect my life. But it doesn't need to ruin it.  The battle is lost, but I'm gonna OWN the war.

My darling's dad dying, that's big drops. A failed course is a small drop in the bucket. So I'm checking my ego, and getting the frak over it. I've been sleeping better since I've decided to get over it.

Next week, for the first time, The Help is going to Yellowknife. I know it seems weird to be going sideways instead of down for my brief vacation time, but I couldn't be more excited. Shoppers drug mart is in sight. As are dear friends, walmart, TREES, and I'm really hoping a good deli.

My last word for today - you don't need to be in a relationship for an awesome Valentine's day. Check out designer shoe warehouse. (heh, you thought I was gonna say something about masturbation, didn't you?)

The Help

Monday, February 13, 2012

Hearts, Cupid and etc.

Do you believe in Valentine's Day? Well, I suppose that's the wrong way to pose the question, cause the day exists whether we believe or not. I guess what I'm really asking is, do you celebrate? Is it important to you?

Many moons ago, when I was working on my first degree (a very profitable double major of folklore and English) I did a little paper on Valentine's day, had a look back at the history of, the things people do, that kind of thing. I also did a survey of about 60 people, asking what they did, and if they knew the story of Valentine's day. Turned out that not one person knew why, but they all celebrated, by purchasing gifts or cards. Even the people who didn't celebrate, celebrated in some way (me and some friends used to have an anti-valentines - horror movies and cake in the shape of a broken heart).

This year is the first Valentine's for my darling and me. Last year he was in Ontario whilst I was here in Nunavut, and the funny thing is, it turns out we both feel the same way about the day. That it's pretty much foolishness.

We still gave each other gifts, but really, it was because we enjoy giving each other gifts. My darling gave me an ice cream maker. Boom. I'm currently eating my first ever batch of ice cream, raspberry chocolate. I am going to get so much fatter.

Here is a list of things we're going to do tomorrow, for Valentine's day:

4. Eat schwarma. Seems like a good tradition to me.
3. Eat the second ever batch of ice cream (that would be triple chocolate. yes, you should be jealous).
2. NOT give each other $9 cards from northmart.
1. Watch a series of particularly gory zombie flicks.


The Help

Monday, January 30, 2012

Ok, we're gonna pump the brakes a little here

Maybe I've said too much. I kinda use this as a forum for talking about whats going on with me, the north, school....I try to be honest and funny, that's the only thing I really aim for, honest and funny.

Judging by the emails and comments, I've spent too much time bitching. I'm gonna clear up a few things, and then I'm going to take a little time off and figure out where I'm headed with the whole blog thing.

I have a head cold - I will probably survive it. It's not too surprising that I'm sick as I spend so much time around sick people. With the whole nursing school thing.

Most of the time, I'm ok with how I look. I am generally healthy and happy, and really, what else is there? I like food.

The insomnia - this has been a lifelong issue. Lifelong people, so while it sucks, I will, again, probably survive it. I know the reasons I can't sleep, and none are reasons I'm gonna share here.

I've been going through a hard time, with the whole school situation, and a recent death in the family that I was unable to return home for, and the dark and the cold. At the same time, most of my posts are tempered with the good as well as the bad. Or I thought they were.

So thanks to everyone who has written or commented, but a needy, negative person is not who I am, and not who I want to portray here.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Theme of the day: Out of sorts

I'm feelin' pretty weird. Beyond this brutal head cold (my second one since new years, for real), I've been having a bitch of a time sleeping. Not sleeping sucks, and I must admit, I'm like a pro at not sleeping. I'm a master insomnier.

Imagine, if you will, your friend The Help, lying in bed at 5 in the am, staring at her sleeping soundly partner, muttering under her breath about how SOME people have it SO easy, and can sleep all the night through.

 He is actually pretty amazing, I've seen him fall asleep mid-word, let alone mid-sentence.

I called in sick to work today, something I never, ever do. I was totally ready to go, got out of bed, got in the shower, and immediately got back out of the shower and called my manager. I was afraid of doing a Demi Moore impression in the shower (too soon?).

I may have just sneezed out the last of my brains.

The Help

Saturday, January 28, 2012

And a happy Saturday to me

Two things:

1. I'm totally sick, again. It's a confusing cold too, cause I feel dried out like an apricot, but my nose has been running like a faucet. Perplexing. Very perplexing.

2. I made and tasted my first ever creme brulee this very evening. how did I live before??

Tuesday, January 24, 2012


Yesterday's post was one of the most read/most commented on posts I have ever written. Thank you all for caring. I'm gonna answer some questions, and then we're gonna talk about better, funner (I know it's not a word) things.

The course was pathophysiology, a very difficult course at best. It was a pre-requisite for several other courses, which is why I'm being held back. There are three people in my class. Yes. Three, which is kind of a problem. I came very, very close to passing, which is probably the worst part.

Obviously, this has seriously affected me. But my friends, today we will move on. My plan of action is this - kick ass, take names and succeed in spite of it all.

Let's talk about Christmas for a bit. For the first time in 5 years, I left the north for Christmas. For the first time, I opened gifts with people, very exciting. The best part was, my darling has a niece, she is about 18 months old, and to open gifts with this child, well, it made my life.

We gave her a pretty princess play castle - the kind of tent that people set up in their living rooms, and it has pictures of Cinderella, and Belle and various and sundry Disney princesses.

When she opened the box, she didn't really know what it was, but then her father set it up in the living room for her. Picture this for me please:

A gorgeous blond child, realizing that her awesome aunt and uncle gave her a HOUSE. She doesn't really talk, but she let us know that this was her house, and we'd all best stay out.

She began furnishing her house, with empty boxes and wrapping paper (obviously), and she totally let us know (without speaking) that we WERE NOT welcome to help her.

She sat inside for a while, every now and again looking through one of the windows to make sure we weren't eyeing the place for our own, and then - this is the best bit - she started like patrolling the perimeter, giving us all the 4th degree stink eye, in case we had missed the point up to now. Hi-Larious!

I was again, and as always, spoiled rotten, but there were 2 gifts in particular that I'm still super excited about. My darling gave me a kick ass food processor (I have since become a master salsa maker) and a TORCH for the kitchen. Yep. Creme brulee is now possible. Creme brulee people!

The Help

Monday, January 23, 2012

I have something to tell you

I had a lengthy debate with myself over whether or not I was going to share this particular piece of information, but maybe once it's out there, it won't feel so shitty and embarrassed.

I failed a course last semester.

I know. I have crazy good grades and get scholarships and such, how could this have happened?? Well, the thing is, my whole class failed. We are now all being held back for a year, my graduation won't be 2015 now. I will be 38 when I graduate.

Obviously, this was not part of the plan......but there's this saying, something along the lines of "wanna hear God laugh? tell him your plans". Don't worry, I'm not gonna go all dear Jesus on you, but this idea, this saying is something that makes sense to me right now. Failing a course does not make sense to me right now.

I'm freaking devastated.

It took me three days to tell my parents. Not because I was afraid they would be mad or disappointed, but because I am so ashamed. There are a lot of people who ask me about school, who rally around me.....and to tell these people, my cheerleaders, that I tried and failed is awful. I worked hard, and still, I failed.

There's more. Because I failed this course, and am being held back, I'm not eligible for the same scholarships and bursaries. No Vegas for The Help.

Maybe this is a gift, this newly found free time, I don't know. I'm having a difficult time looking at the positive side right now.

The Help

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Part deux

I realised after hitting "post" the other night that I may be the only person in the world who gives a shit about how my darling and I got together, but look at me not caring! I'm gonna write it anyway.........

So when we left off, we had our first ever jam session, and I caught him staring at me. That was the first time that i was like "heeeeey, there you are" in my head.

That very night I had a dream about B.. I dreamt (is that a word? whatev's) that he smashed my beloved blackberry because my credit was bad? I know. As soon as I woke up, I texted him and told him about my dream - it went something like this:

Me: I had a dream about you last night
He: Who is this?
Me: Haha, you SO funny
He: What kind of dream are we talking about here?
Me: You smashed my beloved blackberry because my credit was bad
He: How did you know i was secretly a member of the bad credit mafia?
Me: Tonight, my visa sleeps with the fishes??

(this is a dramatic re-enactment, I'm sure we were both much more effervescent)

And so it began. We texted constantly. We laughed our asses off, constantly. We annoyed the shit out of everyone around us because we were both constantly texting and laughing, and no one else ever got the joke.

For three weeks, we carried on like this. whenever people asked if we were getting together already, I always replied that it would never happen - we had the perfect thing going, laughing, no expectations, no drama. Our perfect, happy, hilarious bubble.

I am not the type to not act on something. If I like someone, fuck it, I'll ask him out, the worst he can say is no right? But I was having no part of asking B., I didn't ever want to hear rejection from him, I didn't ever want to have awkward burst our bubble.

All our friends smiled at us indulgently whenever we denied there was anything going on (I coulda smacked the faces right off they heads).

I really didn't believe that something like this could have been real. I didn't believe that someone as hot and smart and funny would think that I was hot and smart and funny too. Stuff like this doesn't often happen to girls like me, and truth is, I have a lot of baggage from a lifetime of shitty relationships. Turns out his luggage matched mine.

I'm not going to finish the story cause everything from here totally falls into the none-of-your-business category. I will say this - when we both realised that we felt the same way, there was no stopping us. He came to my house at 1 in the morning, and kissed me, and kissed me......and he has never left.

I am the luckiest.

The Help

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Well Hello!!

I know. It's been a millenia since last I wrote. It's been a pretty shitty handful of months, so I'm not even gonna get into it. There were many days it was hard to haul my sorry ass out of bed, so writing a blog was absolutely out of the question. The briefest of updates before I get to the good stuff. Yes, I'm still in school. That's all I'm gonna say about that. Yes, my darling and I are still together, and doing very well. Yes, I'm still fat.

No, I'm not preggo, and man oh man alive, do I ever get asked that a lot. Like, daily. I don't think it has anything to do with my weight, I think it has to do with my happiness/relationship levels. Which is actually kind of cool.

Today I want to tell you a story. It is my favorite story, the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm gonna tell you about how me and my darling became us.

A couple of years ago (years?? what now??) a dear friend of mine K., here in Iqaluit, told our group of friends that a childhood friend of hers was coming to town to work for six months. We (meaning our group of friends) were in the midst of what we call the golden year; everything was beautiful. We partied like it was our J-O-B, ate and drank (and drank and drank), played board games and never had to suffer through any drama. When K.'s friend arrived, we welcomed him, because of K.. In truth, he (we'll call him B.) didn't even cross my radar. It seemed like he didn't ever speak, and well, I never shut up. I started inviting B. to things, because he didn't really know anyone, and because i always invited K. to everything anyway.

B. later revealed that he was terrified of me upon our first meeting. This confession is something I hear quite often.

So I started seeing him around. At parties, at my house, at parties....one night at a party, I heard that he played bass. I invited him to a jam session the next night.

The next night, he came by and sort of listened in for the first bit. After a while, I turned to him and was like "DUDE, why are you staring at me, what??" And he gave possible the best response ever - "you can really sing".

Oh. Well.....ahh, tee hee (insert your own giggly girl voice as needed).

Ok, I'm tired, I'll finish the story tomorrow dear hearts.