What are you Doing?!?

Shouldn't you be working right now?

Thursday, November 3, 2011

yeah-eah-eah What's up morphine?

I've told you before, about my stupid busted hurty finger. Well this week, I can only assume is what is punishment from God, my finger has been particularly awful. Like been to the E.R. three times in 5 days awful. Like getting needles full of morphine (and torodol and gravol) awful.

Sure, sure, it sounds like fun, and admittedly, the first afternoon was a laugh, I just floated around laughing and waving at the walls. But then by day three, it wasn't fun anymore, and I was missing school and work, and missing having a working brain. So yesterday, I stopped taking the pills, and today, I returned to work and school. Nice to be back, for sure, but just cause I'm sick of my dirthole apartment, doesn't mean I'm better. But I'm powering through. So lets talk about something else shall we?

Let's talk about Lindsay Lohan, tastefully pictured below, in handcuffs. So this week, she was given 90 days in jail, which was then reduced to 6 days, which actually means in famous person jail speak, 34 seconds. I used to feel sorry for her, for real. I even wrote to one of my fave gossip bloggers to take it easy, this girl is clearly sad smut, not fun flirty styles gossip. I was wrong. This woman is very simply put, an asshole. She is physically and mentally incapable of doing the right thing, and how GD hard is it to do the right thing?? It's hard for her, because there are no consequences. From her family, from the court system, or from her own inner dialogue. Tell me something - if the one thing keeping you out of jail was to show up at a women's shelter once every 2 weeks, would you do it? Would you do it all at once so that it didn't drag on forever? Would you feel terrible about yourself day and night if you got FIRED from a volunteer position? I know I would. though I suppose that's the difference between her and I, or her and all of us. Also, I don't think cocaine smells nearly as good as she thinks it does, so maybe there's something to that.

Another question: what would your mother do if you behaved like this? MY mother would kick my ass. Twice, and convince me that I liked it to. Lindsay Lohan's mother sold her to Playboy, and then went looking for ways to pawn off her other children so that she never has to pay for her cocai....I mean, ice cream.

So do me a fave, do us all a solid. If you are a purchaser of Playboy, please don't buy the one she covers. If you AREN'T a Playboy purchaser, by all means, continue to not purchase. Or take a page from my book - I'm gonna buy a Playboy every month until she is on the cover, just so I can refuse to buy the one she's on. I'll only read the articles, swears.

The Help

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Burnin' in My Heart

Sitting here listening to some oldies (ooooo, heatwave!), thinkin of you all. It's been forever and a day. So! An update:

-school is brutal, the grades are NOT what they were last year, let me tell ya. Still love it.
-still working. probably...ah who am I trying to kid..am DEFINITELY working way too much, which  of course prompts the question, why in God's name did I stop being a manager?
-me and my honey are awesome. He is awesomer.
-I'm going to VEGAS. suck on that.
-I still hate people who hit the handicap button. I had to be physically restrained from harming a slap happy gentleman who hit the button once he was THROUGH the door one day last week. The door that I held open for him. So help me.....

I have a new an improved list of things I hate (please note that this is not a complete list):
1. when the shower curtain touches when your in the shower. It's silly, I know, I clean said curtain myself, but still. Grosses me out.
2. Ugg boots. I'll live if you don't agree. Someone gotta be peelin them off of Britney Spears every night. Think about that next time you hate your job.
3. Stupid m*#therf@!king wallet stealers.
4. 600 daily requests for me to re-post something about angels or sisters or cancer or dragons as my facebook status. Not doin it, and maybe it's bad karma, or makes it appear that I don't care about people dying - not the case. I just don't believe that my status is gonna save a life. Finishing nursing school maybe, a sentence on line? Nope, I don't buy it.
5. Dear, darling friends, moving away.
6. Lindsay Lohan. For reals, got a mad hate on for that ropey twat.
7. Mushrooms.
8. Negative, sad people (so says the person compiling a list of hates). Go be negative somewhere else sad face! Fawk. Least you're not Britney Spears' boot removal person.

To answer some questions: yes, I saw the movie "The Help". No, I do not think they will sue me, as I suspect I don't actually exist to these people. Yes, I failed the diet. Again. No, I don't mind that I failed. I'm ok.

The Help

Thursday, September 1, 2011

So I’m fat. Always have been, and while I’m generally ok, and I generally think things are good, I often hear a phantom voice in my head – “this is hard because you’re fat”. My own voice, just tinged with disappointment, not my usual perky banter voice. There have been so many times that I have been shocked that still I am fat. I guess I figured that by this stage in my life, with so many things going so well, that I would have pulled it together enough to lose the freaking weight already.
My boyfriend thinks I’m pretty, and that’s been good enough for me. I love shows and books and movies about big girls because that makes it ok for me right? Fat girl power!!!
But I never really bought it. I have a mirror, I know what I look like. I hear enough from helpful people who say wonderful, not at all looking for a goddamn smack in the mouth, things such as “are you sure you need that extra doughnut/ice cream/bottle of tequila?” (Just as a side note – where did these people learn that speaking to ANYONE like that is ok?? Not cool. Shove it chuck)
I am a secret eater. And I hate that about myself, like I let everyone and myself down every time I shove food into my face. Sigh. This is hard. I HATE dieting. I hate counting and cutting, and sacrificing…..at the same time, I’ve known in the back of my head for a long time that the way I’m doing things isn’t right. Eating whatever, whenever. There have to be consequences at some point.
When I was doing a first aid course a few months ago, I said to myself, in my quiet, disappointed voice – getting down on the floor shouldn’t be so difficult. This isn’t good.
So. A few weeks ago, The Help joined Weight Watchers. Christ save us all, I was not fit to talk to for the first week. And I was away from my darling, and I was on vacation, so all I wanted to do was eat. Crisp, salty French fries, soft hot pretzels dipped in mustard, beyond buttery popcorn, doritos, fritos Cheetos, oh my!
I’m not going to turn this into a food journal. I’m not gonna give you constant updates on how many pounds lost….because what if I fail? What if it’s too hard?
I will say this; I feel better.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Le Sigh.

10 years ago, my best friend died, at the ripe old age of 23. I figured that was pretty much it in the painful death department. I was so wrong.

A week and a half ago, my darling boyfriend, my most wonderful man, lost his dad. It was completely unexpected, and completely horrible.

I pride myself on the being the person who knows what to do, on being the person people call when things go wrong. I rush to whomever's side and help pick up the pieces. Never before have I felt like I was picking up pebbles with a butterfly net. He called me at 7 in the morning and, sounding like a lost little boy, told me his dad had died. What do I do? What do I do?!?! I don't know how to make this less god awful for him. I have visions of hugging him so hard that some of his pain gets wrung out, but it doesn't really work like that does it?

So I did his laundry. I plugged in his ipod and helped him pack. And I went down south with him, and waited, quietly. I don't think I have ever witnessed such heartbreak up close before. At least not in someone who I love this much.

I think back to 10 years ago, and feel such heartfelt sympathy for my parents, who had to watch me while it all fell apart around me. I can't think of my friend Micheal's family for too long, because even 10 years later, it's easy to be blindsided by what we have lost.

I didn't know this man very well. As we all know, I just met him for the first time last year. I do know that in a time when I was scared to death (meeting the family), he was kind to me. Unfailingly kind. I know that he made me laugh, and he treated me as if I was there all along.

I know that my wonderful man is just like his dad. I know too, that his dad was proud to bursting - you could tell from looking.

The worst part of it all, not just the loss, not the heartbreak, but the knowledge that we have such wonderful plans for our life and our family, and he will not see this amazing life come to fruition. I find it so sad to think that our future awesome kids (oh, they're gonna be awesome) will not know their grandfather, that they will not see the original, the reason that their dad is who he is.

I tried really hard not to cry in front of people, especially my darling, his sister, his stepmom. It was so hard. It was basically a nightmare, and I can't even imagine it from the perspective of the children, the wife. I was desperate for something to do, some little thing I could keep busy with, so I didn't have be a witness to it all.

It wasn't all horror movie, there was some comedy in there too. I met EVERBODY, the entire family, aunts, uncles, cousins, even the grandmother. Yeah, grandma and I wore the exact same outfit to the funeral. See? Comedy.

I fell in love with this family. They treated me like family, for the good, the bad and the ugly. And the thing that struck a chord with me is this - we are all the same. Our families, they are all the same. The same drama, the same laughs. So may I respectfully request; go call your parents. You know they want to hear from you.

I spoke to my parents often during the week, except for a few days in between, when they were stuck in an open boat for 12 hours. Can't even make this shit up. Someday, I will tell you that story, but for today, the story is someone belongs to my quiet, hard working, awesome fella, and the man who made the shoes for him to fill.

The Help

Saturday, July 16, 2011

And so begins the countdown

I'm not one of those people that has a countdown from day 276 leading to their vacation, but since I leave in TWENTY DAYS, that's a little different. I don't know if you could tell from the use of caps, but I am super frigging excited for my vacation this summer.

It's so weird. It used to be that I would leave the north every six months, and that was perfect. Granted the last week or so before the 6 months was up, I was a shade or two short of completely fucking bonkers, but 6 months was my magic number. To those who know, people in/from the north, the day to day around here isn't always easy. Sometimes, you just get tired of people screaming in the streets. Sometimes you get tired of eating at the same 5 restaurants over and over. I'm kinda having one of those days today, and I decided that 6 is no longer my magic number, now it's more like 4. And because of my new found debt freeness, I can actually afford to go every 4 months or so. Theres talk of going south for Christmas. If this is the case, it will be my first Christmas away since I've moved here. I love Christmas in Iqaluit, like a lot, but the idea of taking off for 10 days sounds delicious.

In other news, I have stagette tonight, the first time I've been to one in the north. It promises to be COMPLETELY INSANE. Like, I was thinking about calling the hospital to see if they'll put a liver on standby for me for tomorrow. I made a jug of gin and juice, and ratio of booze to juice is startlingly high. We're talking 60:40 here. Burn your nose hairs off. Ah yes, the smell of good times.

My darling has been warned however. He knows that he'll be starin down the barrel of a drunken girlfriend later tonight. He is a brave man. Didn't even flinch.

The Help

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Walkin on Sunshine

It's a big day over here at Help headquarters - I finally received my assessment for my 2010 taxes, and as of right now, I am debt free. I'll just repeat that so we all understand the enormity of this momentous occasion - the Help is DEBT FREE.

I can't remember the exact number, but since I've moved to the north, I have paid off something like $38,000 in debt. This seemed like an insurmountable number 5 years ago. Dear sweet baby Jesus, I'm gonna celebrate. Perhaps burn my loan papers and dance around it? Scratch that, it doesn't get dark around here this time of year, and there's only so much weirdness one can get away with before their face gets beat off for them.

I have one other bit of news. I've had this weird, super ugly, don't-fit-in-with-the others, hurty finger. It's been a royal pain in the finger for 17 years now, I shit you not. I've seen something like a dozen doctors about it, and never really gotten an answer, let alone help. I saw a surgeon in November and his awesome suggestion was to cut off the top of my finger. Seriously. So last week, I surpassed the regular amount of pain and drove directly to mindblowing pain. Like, pacing in the living room, don't know what to do with myself pain. So I went to the emergency room, and I FINALLY had this amazing doctor who was able to show me (holy grossness, Batman) the cyst in my finger that is shitting all over my nerve/bones. So much explained, AND I can get it fixed without cutting off any part of my body. Wild right? Plus, the drugs are awesome.

The doctor is from Newfoundland. Yeah, that's right.

The Help

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Remember me?

Whoo boy, it's been a long time! It's so funny, cause every day I didn't write, the easier it got to not write, if that makes any sense, and then I'd feel terribly guilty for not writing. Vicious cycle.

So! I finished school, my very first year of nursing. It was AWESOME!! Ok, ok, totally hard, full of tears and sacrifice, and worth every minute. Turns out that all that crazy hard work I did added up to something (say what?!? True story). I have some of the highest grades in my year, and my overall average, while not an A, sure ain't bad. It feels like an A.

Since school has finished, I've worked some, but mostly, I've been doing a lot of nothing. For possibly the first time in my life. And the thing about that is, it sucks, doing nothing. I am NOT cut out for sittin on my ace, watching life go by. You wouldn't even believe the make work projects I've been undertaking, just to keep myself out of trouble. If civilization fell tomorrow, and years from now archaeologists came back to study what remained, they would be amazed at the orderliness of my paperwork. This is the stuff of legends, categorized by year and type of whatever. I've been cooking like the stove is gonna die later today.

Speaking of cooking, I had a little dream come true action last week - I met a cheftestant from Top Chef Canada. It's quite a story. I was BEYOND excited to meet this guy, but unfortunately for all concerned, I was just south of hammered when I did. At 1 in the morning. In the parking lot of the Legion. Jesus save us all from a drunky Help, because lemme tell you, I laid it down for this guy.

He was pretty unimpressed with the fact that all the bars in the city were closed (everything round here closes at 12:30 on weeknights). So he walked by me, trying to get into the Legion, and when I realised who he was, I called out, and told him the place was closed, but that I was super frigging excited to meet him. This is where things kinda hit the skids; he asked who I thought should have won Top Chef, and I replied with drunken honesty - Connie. Wrong answer. He actually turned away from me, and started to leave, whe one of his friends told me I was supposed to say "Dustin" (as this was the top chef standing in front of me). What the what?!? I'm not gonna start lying just cause you're on tv, fool. So I got a picture, and dismissed him. Heh.

The only other bit of news - my darling one has moved to the north, and we now live together, two nerdly peas in a queen size pod. It was our anniversary a few weeks ago. He gave me a beautiful silver and ivory ring. I gave him a video game, and oddly, he was totally happy with that. Must be a dude thing.

The Help

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Oh my god, oh my god, ohmygod!!

As we all know, I'm in nursing school. Today, my classmates and I went to the hospital to shadow nurses for the morning. So even though it was the crack o freaking dawn, and I am so not a morning person, I was still pretty excited. I arrived at the hospital at 7 this morning (and no, I haven't been home yet. I work until 10pm), and was placed in day surgery.

What I was thinking would happen: I would sit in a corner, shunned by all as being a green know-nothing.

What actually happened: doctors and nurses alike treated me with the bestest....mostest......aaahhhhh!! they were all just frigging amazing. Very interested in my success. AND, double plus bonus, I GOT TO OBSERVE A SURGERY. Like, not from a viewing gallery, I was in the room. It was the wildest, coolest, scariest, best thing I've ever seen. Going into the OR, the head nurse mentioned to me that if I felt sick or faint that I shouldn't worry, it happens, and I just need to take my leave and wait it out. NEVER! I would have offered to do the surgery myself if I knew my ass from my elbow. It didn't bother me at all.

I change my mind a lot about what kind of nurse I want to be, and something that I've been saying all along, I'd like to delve into the world of psychiatric nursing, but my horizon was so broadened by this experience today.....well, surgery may be the life for me. I felt like I had won the lottery as I was leaving the hospital today.

In other news, tomorrow is my last day of work. I will no longer be The Help. Can you imagine? It's hard for me to even process the idea- I've worked here the entire time I've lived in the North. For better or for worse, this is my 2nd home. It will be strange and exhilarating to leave it behind. I can't pretend I'm not excited however, 'cause so help me, if one more person tells me I look tired.........

Three days until my darling arrives. Yeah, that would be THREE DAYS!!! SQUEEEEEEEEE!!!

The Help

Sunday, March 27, 2011

But NEXT Sunday

I will have the day off. In fact, starting Wednesday, I won't be working the main job anymore. On Friday, my darling arrives, and I don't have anywhere to be until MONDAY. Holy God, the potential, the cooking I could do! But I'll probs just end up comatose, which is ok too.

I got a lot of texts, and emails, and hugs yesterday. I needed it all. To JD in Ottawa, your note made my day, for real. I may or may not have begun bawling after the second sentence.....details are sketchy, but there wasn't a dry eye in the house. Well, at my desk.

I was delighted too, to learn that many people share in my extreme annoyance with the door thing. I must admit, way more stuff has been pissing me off lately, but this has been a life-long silly little pet peeve of mine. I'm also deeply offended by hipsters (I just wanna rip their insane glasses and Rainbow Bright purses off their pale, skinny bodies), people who skip in line, and Oprah (she knows what she did). Anyone else?

The Help

Saturday, March 26, 2011


I quit my job. True story. I tried really, really hard, but I couldn't make it all work, there are simply not enough hours in the day. And school has been so gonzo, with promises of it only getting WORSE, BY A LOT in the next few months. Soon after exams end, I'm in the hospital, for 12 hours a day.

Truth is, I haven't been doing great. I was setting aside crying time every day, just like when I had three jobs at once a few years ago. Like, let alone that my school work was suffering, my job was suffering, my relationships were suffering - I was suffering. Feeling on the edge of crazy, didn't know my arse from my elbow, forgetting important stuff, falling asleep in the back of cabs, crazy.

I miss my friends. I miss having a life. I miss being able to stay awake past 10. Look, I know what I signed up for, it's no use rubbing my choices in my face. I'm not saying I can't do it, I'm saying it's really fucking hard. A personal pet peeve - when people, friends, get on my case about my absenteeism. This does not make me want to go out, it makes me want to stay in and hide, and never come out. Putting drinks in my hand will not make me party. Another pet peeve: when I tell people that I'm having a hard time, that I need a little understanding, and the response is invariably, you'll be fine. Buck up soldier.

Not cool.

A completely unconnected pet peeve - Do I ever hate it when perfectly healthy, not-laden-down-with-crap people use those handicap door buttons. I don't know why, but it makes me wanna rip my skin off with annoyance. Recently, I held open one such door for a young man, and AFTER he was through the door, he pushed the button to open the f-ing door. Why? I know why - because this child is so used to slapping the button on the way through, he doesn't know how to not do it. What a sorry statement of our times. People are too lazy to OPEN A DOOR. I'll open your door in a minute kid (whilst staring menacingly at said kid).

Please to tell Dear Help, surely there must be some good news to report? Anything that doesn't make you feel all stabby?

It's true my friends, there is some good news. My darling, my favorite man since my daddy, is coming back to town this week. This week!! It seemed to take years, but it is happening this Friday. And even better news (depending on whether or not you speak to my sainted parents or not), we are moving in together, living in sin if you'd prefer. I'm so freaking excited for this. To have meals together and sleep in if we feel like it, and sit around and watch tv on Sunday afternoons.......le sigh. Yes, it all sounds very sedate, maybe even boring. And I couldn't be happier.

The Help

PS there was a major fire here in Iqaluit this week. 30 families lost everything. So please, think of these people, pray for these people, donate if you can. Thank your lucky stars and whichever god you worship that it wasn't you. Perhaps get renter's insurance?

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Gawd, I'm Terrible

The first little while that I didn't write, it was because I was so tired and stunned by the amount of work I had to do, that I didn't want to just complain. Then the time stretched longer and farther, and then, all of a sudden, I was on vacation again. Craziness. Now it's gotten to the point where I feel guilty for not writing, which is utter madness, cause there are plenty of days I feel like I don't have time to pee.....

But for now, my bladder is empty, and I have much to report.
First, there are only 6 weeks left to school. Holy Bejesus. Where on earth did the time go? I've learned how to do vital signs which is all kinds of neat-o, and have acquired a stethoscope of my very own. In the color of frosted glacier, no less.

The going to part time thing hasn't really worked. I'm working just a few hours less then I was when I was full time, so I am, as ever, completely exhausted.

I got an extremely poor grade back yesterday, my first. I was devastated.

The good stuff - I was able to take a vacation during school's reading week. I finally after a lifetime, got to see my favorite man. Ok, it was only 2 months, but it seemed like a FREAKING LIFETIME. It was so, so good to see him. The days leading up to vacation, I started getting scared and stressed. I was afraid things would be awkward and weird. I was afraid that he forgot what I looked like in the intervening time and wouldn't think I was pretty anymore. I was afraid that the magic would be gone, or lessened. This was so not the case my friends. It was such a wonderful relief to be all wrapped up in him again, and there was no awkwardness, there was nothing but shit happy. It was like I was never gone, we completely picked up where we left off. Le sigh. I am the luckiest.

So we went to Newfoundland. He had never been before, and there was the great event - Meeting The Family. Of course, and possibly for the first time, my family completely fell in love with him. My sister was particularly vocal about this - after a bit of wine, she tells me that she thinks he is the best dude I've ever gone out with. I happen to agree. I brought him to the touristy places that you're supposed to bring mainlanders to, and there were many kisses at red lights. We shopped and ate terrible/awesome food (big shout out to Ches's), we hung out with the family, and babysat the kids. In short, we didn't stop. Of the six days we were on the Rock, it didn't snow for 7 minutes. Yep, we timed it. Seven minutes. There were many many, oh, many, people I didn't get to see. to you, my Newfoundland friends, I'm very sorry, It's not a lack of love, and we'll be back in the summer.

And now for something completely different - are you in love with Mumford and Sons or whaa?

The Help

Saturday, January 29, 2011

three more days of madness

So I realized today that I haven't written in a while. I've started to write several times in the last 10 days, and gave it up part way through.....I found that all I was doing was complaining. while that may be a little cathartic for me, I'm pretty sure everyone has a whole life of their own and don't need a dose of my moaning on top of it.

I'm almost completely moved, and I spent my first night in my new place last night. I am so blessed - I put out the call, that I needed help, and half of the city showed up to move my junk from one end to the other. Three and a half years of piled up living took about 45 minutes to move. As a payback, I made 2 giant bowls of "drop kick punch" (as my darling named it), utilizing a bottle of gin AND a bottle of vodka. My, my my. We did indeed get silly drunk. We planned on going to the bar that is now downstairs from my new apartment, but we were having such a great time, we stayed in.

I officially begin part time work tomorrow. I love my job, and I'd like to think that I'm good at it, but holy bejesus, I'm so freaking excited to have a little free time. I may break down and get cable (oooOOooohh), though I'm really only interested in the food network. And Glee.

The whole best new blog business did not work out in my favor, but seriously, I was so surprised and elated to even be thought of, I am a genuine happy chappy. To all of the awesomes who voted for me, thank you so much. I came close my friends, I came close. And the most wonderful thing that came about because of this nomination - I mentioned to my parents that I had been nominated. They were quite surprised, as they didn't even know that I was writing a blog....and I had to explain to my dad what a blog is. They are so good, they read every blog I posted in the one sitting, and while they didn't much appreciate my er, florid language, they had very nice things to say about my writing. Who could ask for more then approval from mom and dad?

My dad noted how much my spelling has improved. I'll explain spell check next time.

The Help

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

I've been having a really good day. In fact, I've been having a really good couple of days. I still don't know where I'm moving (in 2 weeks, eep!), my man is still far, far away, my bestie still continues to not live here, yet, and still, I've been having a good run.

School is awesome. It's wickedly hard, and lots of work, and way more then last semester, and I love every minute of it. We had one of those golden days today, our instructor was so ON that we all understood what he was talking about and we managed to have a lot of laughs too. I have this one instructor for 4 of my 5 courses, and he is very simply, the shit. I've written about him before, but today he was on top of his game.

It's less then a month until my next vacation and seeing my darling again. As soon as it hit the month mark, it didn't seem so bad. I miss him terribly, but the end is in sight. And today, I added an extra day on to the end of my vacation, and shortly after I get back, he will be moving to Iqaluit.

I've downloaded a zillion new musics from itunes, including "Make Me Lose Control" by Eric Carmen. Who? Eric Carmen of amazing feathered hair 80's fame. this song reminds me of my sister, in the best way, and it reminds me of being on the bus from school when I was in grade 6. Is there anything better then hearing a song that makes me so happy after 20 years? Cheesy? Yes please.

Ok, maybe there's one thing better. I was reading a friends blog today (what up Townie Bastard?) and he's been nominated for best blog in the north (again). So I went to the website to vote for him, and it turns out that your friend, The Help, has been nominated for best new blog! Shut your dirty mouth, what?!?

I wish I could describe how good this feels. Even if you don't vote, or don't vote for me, God love ya for reading. God love ya for making me feel this good.

And if you do feel like voting.....

the Help

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Holy Upheaval Batman

Things are changing for me, and very quickly. In all honesty, it's giving me a flaming case of the screaming heebee jeebees. I'm used to having a plan, knowing exactly what my next step is, but in a zen way, if that makes any sense. Ok, it doesn't.

Part of living here, of existing in this part of the world, is sort of floating along, and letting things happen. Everything is slow, from customer and government services to internet connections. And it doesn't do anyone any good whatsoever to get all huffy about it. It doesn't get the food to your table any faster, or make anyone answer the phone at 2:04 on a Tuesday afternoon. So to a certain extent, I live like this. I'm cool with it, cause it's the easiest thing to be, and because really, it's nice. Everyone is mellow like an outdoor concert, except without the maryjane. For the most part.

So while I do drift along, I worry enough, and I have enough on my plate, that I have to know where I'm at most of the time. This week, I've lost sight of where I'm at, on so many levels. The first and biggest thing - I have decided to drop from management to regular part time at my job. My school schedule is so very much this semester, I couldn't even survive the first week. This is pretty big for me, I feel like I'm cutting off a bit of myself, and giving it away. Because I'm going to part time, I will obviously be making less money, but I also lose my apartment. Technically speaking, I have nowhere to live in three weeks. Enter screaming heebee jeebees.

Of course, I am surrounded by such wonderful people, no one will let me be homeless. I'm on the student housing list, and we all just have to keep our fingers crossed that housing comes up before then. A dear friend just bought a house, and she tells me I can stay there until student housing happens. I am so lucky.

And the last part of this craziness that is my new life, I decided that I needed to supplement my diminishing paycheck - I'm going back to hosting karaoke. Dear sweet baby Jesus, save me from myself.

The karaoke crowd don't know this information yet. Well, now they do. Cue a million "I told you so" postings.

The Help

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Like a drunken phoenix, I too shall rise from the ash

I've had the last three days off of work, and I only had school long enough to collect my schedule on one of those days. Pray tell Help, what did you do with all of that free time? Begin an advanced basket weaving course? Go to mime school? STUDY?? No (though I should reconsider the mime thing on my next days off), I slept. I did the dishes, and other useful things, but on the whole, I slept. I have this insane idea that if I sleep lots before the semester begins, I won't be so dropping tired this semester? Yeah, crazy. I'm ok with that.

In the short time since I last wrote, a great deal has changed for me. Big changes.
I got my new semester schedule a few days ago, and it is so scary, I could feel my brain freeze. I showed my boss my new schedule, and he asked if I had considered going part time (did I mention how scary the schedule is?). So I have 200 new things to think/worry about, a bunch of decisions and scary what-if's....truth told my friends, I'm scared. I'm scared for all the changes that are coming. I'm a world class worrier, and my skills have certainly been put to the test this week.

So lets talk about something else shall we? I saw the second worst movie ever made last night (in the non-zombie category, man, there are some STINKERS in the zombie category), I think it was called "How can you tell" or "how do you know" or some other poorly thought out crappy title. It had possibilities, a good cast etc, but good God, none of these fools were able to finish a sentence, it was exhausting.

A wonderful, dear friend gave me, I shit you not, ZOMBIE SHOES for Christmas. Got 'em in the mail a few days ago. I cannot express the joy.

And tomorrow, it starts again. Wish me luck.

The Help

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

And then it was January

Can you even believe.....
I haven't written in a while, my doves, because of the holiday season. It was a strange holiday for me.....my annual Christmas Eve shin-dig was certainly well attended, but like a lame lamer, I kicked everyone out by midnight. We did rock mightily, and one of my favorite bits from the whole holiday season was a perfect moment in time when it seemed like the whole world was singing "Yellow Submarine" along with everyone at my party. I don't know when the precise moment of my downfall into lameness occurred, but I suspect it has something to do with lingering exhaustion from school. I mean, for god's sake, I was in bed by 1:30 on new years eve. Me!

It's not just tired however. I mistakenly believed that I would behave this Christmas as I have the last several, meaning single. Not the case my friends, not the case. While I was physically single, there was something dear missing from all the festivities. Long distance is hard. Not the fun kind of hard.

The good stuff:
Was spoiled rotten with gifts and cards and love - the farthest being from Malawi.
Worked significantly less hours, and basically sat on my ass (and played rock band) for the last week. It's been quite a shock to the system, this slowing down. I find myself confused often, like there's something I'm supposed to be doing......
Became seriously addicted to my new ipod touch, and some of the new musics I've gotten, honestly, I don't know how I lived before some of it. Two albums I have recently gotten that I strongly recommend - Janelle Monae (girl is a FREAK) and the new Kanye West. I know, I know, dude is a power tool, but my God, this album is insane.

School starts again in a few days. God help us all.

the Help