What are you Doing?!?

Shouldn't you be working right now?

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

And then today

I just purchased my wedding invitations.

Shit just got real son.

It's so funny, I got more weepy and nervous ordering the invitations then anything else so far (well, except for the dress of course, I am human after all). I'm surprised in fact, by how emotional I got. We both have already purchased and received our rings - and while I do take the rings out of the safe and stare at them sometimes, it has not come close to what I am feeling here today.

Is it because the important stuff just got committed to paper? Or because my mom and dad's names appear on the top? I haven't been a little girl in a long time, but I'm still my parents baby, I'm not gonna lie.

My ipod tells me that we're getting married in 9 months and 18 days. I hope I can pull it together in those intervening months, cause I'm paying a lot of money to get my make up done, and I don't want to cry it all off before I even leave the freakin spa.

I have shocked even myself since getting engaged. I cry ALL THE TIME. Like, several times a day. What the hell is the matter with me?

I once had a manager type say about me (behind my back) that I had a soft touch, backed up by balls of steel. This was (I assume) a huge compliment, but since I've gotten engaged, it's like I lost my lady balls.

I cry when I think about my niece and nephew getting all dressed up. I cry when I read the things people say in their speeches. When I think about my daddy walking me down the aisle, or my mom giving us a blessing.

I cry when we plan ways to include my darling's lost dad in the wedding.

I cry when I see how happy people are for me.

And Jesus, the state of me when I hear the song that will be our first dance. I've started listening to it often, so maybe I won't be such a wreck on the day, but so far, this process hasn't tamed the beast.

Go to www.momentjunkie.com, and have a little cry with me.

Monday, September 9, 2013

It Has Been Decided

My darlings, my dears.
How nice it has been to hear from you all again, and gratifying to know that people give a shit  - enough to tell me that they are glad I'm back anyway. Warms the cockles of my heart.

Speaking of cockles, my darling one and I have decided that we want to take an actual vacation when we have a few days off in November.

Lemme break down a "vacation" for when a northerner goes down south:

1. visit as many people as possible; rub bellies, kiss babies that didn't exist the last visit, assure favorite aunts that life really is ok "up there", show parents and siblings a years worth of lovin and missin in mere days

2. do six months worth of clothes, toothpaste, shampoo and liquor shopping. Seriously, I feel like a cartoon shopping "I'll have one of these, and one of these, and six of these, and these come in 3 colors you say?" I shop with a cart in the liquor store. What. Up.

3. find out everything missed out on. For example, when I went south in February of this year, I asked my sister about this Gangnam Style business. I thought it was a fashion choice.

 I only found out about Macklemore this past July.

5. Family stuff. This is super-sized once engaged, I have learned. Gotta cuddle with the kids, and view soccer games, and sing "Cups". Visit the elderly and sick, and remind them that they aren't forgotten. Family dinners, celebrations, and toasts, oh my!

6. Pray that the people you didn't get to see (which is always MOST people) still love you even though they haven't seen your raggety mug in 3 years.

So you see, even when it seems like I have endless time, it's all very slippery and it slithers away before you can imagine.

We had three weeks vacation this year, and of that, we had exactly one day that wasn't planned or otherwise taken. One day.

This November, it's gonna be about us, just me n he. We haven't decided where we are going yet, but it will be somewhere where there is no family (not that we don't love ya by's) or friends (not that you're not missed my dears). There's going to be no wedding planning, or invitation list talk. We may shop, but it won't be a frantic misadventure.

And you know what will happen? We'll probably sleep through the whole thing.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Been a long time, been a long time, been a long lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely time

I haven't been lonely at all actually, but you get my meaning.

I have missed you!
I thought I was done with the blog, it was just going to go quietly into the good night, but I've been reading stuff on www.salon.com recently, and it has made me realise how much I miss writing, if not every day, at least more often then preparing a bill, or shooting off an email.

 I was feeling a little remorse about having a blog as well; they are such intrinsically narcissistic beasts. I'm not gonna lie, I LOVED having people tell me they read my stuff, they like my stuff.....but I was feeling a little dry. Light on useful topics.

So first, an update: getting hitched in just over 9 months! Holy God. Weddings are insane business, but I'll do a little something on that later. I have made some serious headway in preparing for Christmas craft fairs, though all this has done is extended the time that I worry I won't sell anything. Ah, without worry, what would I be? Probably worried that I have nothing to worry about.

The big news (no, I'm not freaking pregnant), my darling and I are leaving the North. Early next year. We're buying a house and starting a life among friends and family. There will be trees. Starbucks. Lip gloss WHENEVER I WANT IT.

I have been in the North for so long - people don't believe me when i say I'm leaving. They say I'll be back.
Hhhmm. We shall see. My friends, the biggest problem I have is that I am tired.

Yes, I do understand that tired happens everywhere in the world. I am tired of always being on. I'm tired of not being able to disappear for a little while if I need to. If I go to the grocery store, I may (and do) run into 7 people that I used to work with. I go to a nice dinner with my darling, and at the next table is 3 people who made my working life miserable just the day before.

Again, I understand that this sort of thing happens elsewhere, but we can all admit that it probably doesn't happen that often right?

Let me tell you about something that happened recently.

There has been an issue making the local news - a woman was attacked by a dog. She was horribly mauled, in front of her children. She spent a long time in the hospital, and is having a difficult time overcoming this psychologically. Completely understandable, I mean, Jesus, a dog tried to rip her apart.

People are in an uproar, and some want all non-huskie dogs to be banned from Nunavut.

In the wake of this discussion, I was out, walking my dog one day. My dog is a sweetheart - we adopted her from a family who could not take her with them when they moved down south.

It was a lovely afternoon, sunny and warm. I had my headphones on and we were just sort of ambling around - she wasn't even doing her business, we were just walking.

A woman was smoking on her balcony, and motioned for me to take off my headphones, and asked me what kind of dog Rosie is. People ask this sort of thing all the time. So responded that she's a spaniel/lab mix.

And this woman LOST HER EVER LOVING MIND. She screamed at me that I had no right to have a non-huskie dog in Nunavut, that stupid qallunaat like me are the problem with Iqaluit. She told me to fuck myself, and to get out of the north. She told me that I am disgusting.

The worst part? I was so shocked, I didn't respond. I did not tell this woman to fold it up and shove it. I was so disappointed in myself, for allowing someone to make me feel bad. I was just takin a walk man!

Anyway.....this is not why I decided to leave the north, but it didn't help. What helped even less, a few nights later I was eating dinner at a local restaurant, and this same woman tried to sell me a carving at my table. So you see what I mean? There are little chances for getting away.

But screw all that, I get t have a shower! Whoo-hoooooo!!! I dearly hope we all survive my stagette. Heh.

Monday, March 11, 2013

No day like snow day

Like today. My my, the vantage point that my new living room window has afforded me it quite something. Well nothing really. Can't see past the building. Snow!
These days, snow days are all the more enjoyable cause I don't have to do any homework. Is this what normal life is like? We are currently enjoying a Simon Pegg marathon.

My darling and I have moved in the last few days. Again. I f-ing hate moving. There are some awesome things in our new place (like space, a dishwasher, and a view of something other than a sketchy parking lot) that have made the move worth our while, however, I still spent the last week or so on the useless side of useless.

Thankfully my darling has done the lion's share of the work. I go pale at the thought. Ah god, the TEDIUM of looking at and sorting every item in your possession, trying to cram your whole life into some boxes.....ugh, I would rather remove, roast and eat my right arm (and my right one is the good one).

It's not just me right? Moving sucks. Whenever I said to people "Oh I can't, I'm moving this week", most people invariably offered the response: "fuuuuuuuuck. I hate moving." Right you are chum.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

I said yes

About 2 weeks ago, I got my wedding dress. This whole experience totally blew my mind.

How I thought it would go: I would try on a bunch of different stuff, probably not fit in to anything, be incredibly sad, have worst day ever, buy a cheap knock off on line.

How it actually went: Found a dress! Blew my budget, didn't give a crap, cried like a little girl.

I suprised my sister (my maid of honor) on Valentines day, by walking in on family dinner and asking if she wanted to go dress shopping. I had (on Boxing Day, of course) made a bunch of salon appointments. Just making appointments was an intimidating process - they asked about budget, and sizes and dates, and for the secret location of the holy grail. One place emailed me with a page long list of rules. For real.

Like, God didn't give a page long list of rules, there was what, 10 lines?

The first appointment I had, Just my best friend and I went to, and tried on eight dresses. EIGHT. I figured that because of my size, there would be three dresses in a dark corner. How wrong I was.

I was completely prepared to buy one of the dresses from the first appointment, by my dear friend said "why not just check out the second store? You only get to go wedding dress shopping once in your life." And I thought, why not? Plus my mom and my sister could come to the second appointment.

I was nervous. The second appointment was at the place with all the rules. I spent a large chunk of the night before thinking up snappy retorts in the instance that these people were mean to me.

The morning of, I met up with my friend and family, shotgunned a coffee, and went to the store with steel in my heart. Which was, of course, completely unnecessary.

They were lovely. They treated me like gold. I mean, I understand they wanted my money, but I felt so good, I didn't want it to end. The lady at the shop pulled 5 dresses for me from the TWO RACKS of stuff in my size. Some stuff was too big for me. Wrap your head around that shit.

The second dress I tried on was it. They all say on that dress show that I love, that you know when you put your dress on, and honestly, I put this down to rich people on reality tv talk. But they were right. Before I even looked in a mirror, I knew.

My family wanted me to try on other dresses, but I didn't want to see anymore. I wanted to wear this dress to lunch.

Nope, I'm not showing you. Sorry.

I'm borrowing my sister's veil. It also looks as if it was made for me.

I am the luckiest.

The Help

Monday, March 4, 2013

Remember when I said big changes were coming?

Let me tell you what's been going on.

I'm on a deferred year at school. When I tell people this, most are completely understanding. Some are overtly judgmental, and one or two (usually strangers, which I find amazing), quiz me on what, and why, and what the new plan is.

This was my choice, and I gotta say, it feels awesome. I feel like a new woman! People comment every day on how much healthier and happier I look.

I am going back. I will be a nurse. Just not right now.

I had some pretty big health stuff happen, that I was having a difficult time with it. I'm getting better, and doing what I can. It's big enough that I don't feel like talking about it here. Calm down, I'm not the kind of sick you're thinking of.

This was a part of my decision to not return to school this year. But really, just a part.

I got a promotion at work. I have never worked so hard, and I have never enjoyed the hard work so much.

Ok, what? I can't even believe I just typed this stuff. Dear Lord, is this what growing up is? Uuuugghh. I hope I don't turn into a perky ponytail - that's those women you see at the fancy grocery store who all wear Lulu Lemon and have perky ponytails, and push ergonomically correct baby strollers, and only buy organic. They probably don't own televisions, and call their man-children Tristan or Andre.

I bet they eat refined sugar in private. How I judge thee, oh Perky Ponytail.

And judgment! I alluded to people judging me for my decision to take a year off of school. The people who I assumed would judge me, didn't; and I was deeply surprised by the people who did.

I could see it on their faces. Raised eyebrows, stumbling to find something nice to say. Visibly physically restraining themselves from asking what the hell I'm doing. There were of course, people who did not restrain themselves, and while I give 'em an A for ballsy tactics, they get an F for social etiquette. I had one woman, a guest at my hotel, quiz me up and down about why I wasn't going to school, what I'm going to do instead and what kind of future I intend to have. Even after I said very clearly that I deferred for personal reasons, and I didn't feel like talking about it, still she continued to grill me.

While I appreciate that people have high hopes for me and my future, if my face is one you see 4 times a year, you do not get to have an insider view of the Help. You get the public face. And you like it!!

The Help

Monday, February 25, 2013

I Hate Flying

It's not just the flying part of flying (which I really, REALLY hate), it's everything that goes along with it -the line ups, the jostling, the upheaval. The idiots who never read signs (why doesn't anyone read signs?). The worse idiots who get pissy about uncontrollable things like the weather; I have witnessed darling friends getting crapped all over because the fog was preventing flights landing.

Riddle me this dumbass - how could a ticket agent possibly control the weather??

I have been on 3 flights recently, and I am attempting (and failing) to get back to the north. Lemme give you a run down of some of my recent flying experiences:

Flight the second, I am seated next to a woman who clearly wants to make friends. As I am consistently on the verge of gibbering terror when flying, I hope she will forgive me to not playing along. She was travelling with two young women, my guess both were in their early twenties. They were sitting in three separate isles, and for the bit of the flight that I couldn't wear my headphones, this is how the conversation went:

Woman: Say goodbye to Ottawa!
Daughter 1: Autobots?
Daughter 2: Autobots?
Daughter 1: They're like robots from that movie.
Woman: Autobahn?
Daughter 1: Autobahn?
Daughter 2:Autobots?
Woman: Autobots? I thought we were talking about a road in Germany.

End scene.

They commenced drinking (it was 9am), I watched them in open mouthed awe until I was able to turn music on really, really loud.

This is what I'm talking about ladies and gentlemen. Simply typing this conversation has made me tired.

A woman who sat next to me on the plane on the way back to Ottawa took off her boots and changed into slippers for the 45 minute long flight. Seriously. She was all grunting and heaving....just leave the boots on lady! AAahhhhhh!!

I'm walking to Ottawa for my next vacation.

Monday, January 14, 2013

I have been engaged for almost three weeks, and the planning has been so fun. I'm a super, hyper organized person, so this opportunity to create news lists, and lists for my lists, Oh! The joy. I manage to out-dork myself on a daily. I just hope my darling will still want to get married by the time our wedding day comes.

Man oh man alive, people are nuts. Two things: wedding costs and the guest list.

It's like, as soon as people hear the word "wedding" people go, DING! I'ma cut you and take all your money. I looked at photogaphers, for example. The cheapest one was in the arena of 2 grand, and thats the base. And with that price of a fairly crappy used car, you get a photographer for 6-8 hours and 800 to 1200 photos. What?? What would I ever do with 1200 photos? I'm not gonna lie, I'd get bored after picture number 26, so the other 1174 photos would not only be a waste, but where in God's name would I even shove 1200 photos?

And then theres the guest list. I can hear you already - Dear Help, why oh why are you worying about the guest list? You're wedding is 17 months away! I promise the guest list is an early and important list. So I've learned.

What I find hilarious, is the people who assume they'e going to be invited, and say as such. Here's what it is:

1. If I don't know your last name, you are not coming to my wedding.
2. If you don't know MY last name (or my darling's), you are not coming to my wedding.
3. If we can't even be bothered to be facebook friends (a social media I'm not even sure why I bother with anymore), you are not coming to my wedding.
4. No ex's. Jesus in a jar people!
5. If it's been more then a year since we've hung out or been in touch, you are not coming to my wedding.

You can get all these guest list helpful hints and such on pinterest.....I read one, and then I threw it out. I'm forming my own rules, which will include the above, and the one other, most impotant rule - this one day is about me and my darling, no one else. We will invite who we love and who we want to party with on the best day ever. We will not accept guilt or bad attitudes about it.

And it feels SO GOOD.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Let me Tell you a Story

I am the luckiest. I had the best Christmas ever.

Our Christmas day plan was this - get up early, put this breakfast casserole thing I made in the oven, go to my friend Sarah's place and open gifts with their daughter, and have some breakfast. I thought we were bringing our gifts to each other to the friend's place, and then open the stockings and other gifts when we got back.

When we up, my darling said that we should open our stockings before we go. I was so confused, I couldn't figure out why the fuss over the stockings - like, I had put pens and socks in his stocking.

But then my fella put a coffee with bailey's in it in front of me (what up day drinking?), and handed me my stocking. Very good, I'll open it, and he was opening his at the same time.

The very last thing, in the toe, was a black velvet box. Never has anyone ever opened a box so fast as I did. Inside was my dream ring.....I had showed it to my girl Sarah months before and she took care of it. That is a good friend right there.

He asked me to marry him. I don't remember the exact words (he could have called me by the wrong name and I wouldn't have heard it), but the important part is, he asked me to marry him. I'm getting married!!!

I have cried on average three times a day since. Usually happy crying, but sometimes sad; when I think about the people who won't be there like his dad, or my friend Michael....but mostly I'm so insanely happy, it has literally kept me up at night.

I had no idea it was coming. My friend Sarah, who co-ordinated the whole effort, was getting a vacuum, and I was TERRIFIED that I was also getting a vacuum (in which case some of us may have been single by Christmas night).

It was one of those situations, everyone knew but me. He asked my parents for their blessing before proposing, which I am so glad of. I am so grateful for his thoughtfulness. That will probably be the only traditional part of our marriage, let me tell you.

Big changes are coming my friends.