Ok, we're gonna pump the brakes a little here

Maybe I've said too much. I kinda use this as a forum for talking about whats going on with me, the north, school....I try to be honest and funny, that's the only thing I really aim for, honest and funny.

Judging by the emails and comments, I've spent too much time bitching. I'm gonna clear up a few things, and then I'm going to take a little time off and figure out where I'm headed with the whole blog thing.

I have a head cold - I will probably survive it. It's not too surprising that I'm sick as I spend so much time around sick people. With the whole nursing school thing.

Most of the time, I'm ok with how I look. I am generally healthy and happy, and really, what else is there? I like food.

The insomnia - this has been a lifelong issue. Lifelong people, so while it sucks, I will, again, probably survive it. I know the reasons I can't sleep, and none are reasons I'm gonna share here.

I've been going through a hard time, with the whole school situation, and a recent death in the family that I was unable to return home for, and the dark and the cold. At the same time, most of my posts are tempered with the good as well as the bad. Or I thought they were.

So thanks to everyone who has written or commented, but a needy, negative person is not who I am, and not who I want to portray here.

Theme of the day: Out of sorts

I'm feelin' pretty weird. Beyond this brutal head cold (my second one since new years, for real), I've been having a bitch of a time sleeping. Not sleeping sucks, and I must admit, I'm like a pro at not sleeping. I'm a master insomnier.

Imagine, if you will, your friend The Help, lying in bed at 5 in the am, staring at her sleeping soundly partner, muttering under her breath about how SOME people have it SO easy, and can sleep all the night through.

 He is actually pretty amazing, I've seen him fall asleep mid-word, let alone mid-sentence.

I called in sick to work today, something I never, ever do. I was totally ready to go, got out of bed, got in the shower, and immediately got back out of the shower and called my manager. I was afraid of doing a Demi Moore impression in the shower (too soon?).

I may have just sneezed out the last of my brains.

The Help

And a happy Saturday to me

Two things:

1. I'm totally sick, again. It's a confusing cold too, cause I feel dried out like an apricot, but my nose has been running like a faucet. Perplexing. Very perplexing.

2. I made and tasted my first ever creme brulee this very evening. how did I live before??

Well.

Yesterday's post was one of the most read/most commented on posts I have ever written. Thank you all for caring. I'm gonna answer some questions, and then we're gonna talk about better, funner (I know it's not a word) things.

The course was pathophysiology, a very difficult course at best. It was a pre-requisite for several other courses, which is why I'm being held back. There are three people in my class. Yes. Three, which is kind of a problem. I came very, very close to passing, which is probably the worst part.

Obviously, this has seriously affected me. But my friends, today we will move on. My plan of action is this - kick ass, take names and succeed in spite of it all.

Let's talk about Christmas for a bit. For the first time in 5 years, I left the north for Christmas. For the first time, I opened gifts with people, very exciting. The best part was, my darling has a niece, she is about 18 months old, and to open gifts with this child, well, it made my life.

We gave her a pretty princess play castle - the kind of tent that people set up in their living rooms, and it has pictures of Cinderella, and Belle and various and sundry Disney princesses.

When she opened the box, she didn't really know what it was, but then her father set it up in the living room for her. Picture this for me please:

A gorgeous blond child, realizing that her awesome aunt and uncle gave her a HOUSE. She doesn't really talk, but she let us know that this was her house, and we'd all best stay out.

She began furnishing her house, with empty boxes and wrapping paper (obviously), and she totally let us know (without speaking) that we WERE NOT welcome to help her.

She sat inside for a while, every now and again looking through one of the windows to make sure we weren't eyeing the place for our own, and then - this is the best bit - she started like patrolling the perimeter, giving us all the 4th degree stink eye, in case we had missed the point up to now. Hi-Larious!

I was again, and as always, spoiled rotten, but there were 2 gifts in particular that I'm still super excited about. My darling gave me a kick ass food processor (I have since become a master salsa maker) and a TORCH for the kitchen. Yep. Creme brulee is now possible. Creme brulee people!

The Help

I have something to tell you

I had a lengthy debate with myself over whether or not I was going to share this particular piece of information, but maybe once it's out there, it won't feel so shitty and embarrassed.

I failed a course last semester.

I know. I have crazy good grades and get scholarships and such, how could this have happened?? Well, the thing is, my whole class failed. We are now all being held back for a year, my graduation won't be 2015 now. I will be 38 when I graduate.

Obviously, this was not part of the plan......but there's this saying, something along the lines of "wanna hear God laugh? tell him your plans". Don't worry, I'm not gonna go all dear Jesus on you, but this idea, this saying is something that makes sense to me right now. Failing a course does not make sense to me right now.

I'm freaking devastated.

It took me three days to tell my parents. Not because I was afraid they would be mad or disappointed, but because I am so ashamed. There are a lot of people who ask me about school, who rally around me.....and to tell these people, my cheerleaders, that I tried and failed is awful. I worked hard, and still, I failed.

There's more. Because I failed this course, and am being held back, I'm not eligible for the same scholarships and bursaries. No Vegas for The Help.

Maybe this is a gift, this newly found free time, I don't know. I'm having a difficult time looking at the positive side right now.

The Help

Part deux

I realised after hitting "post" the other night that I may be the only person in the world who gives a shit about how my darling and I got together, but look at me not caring! I'm gonna write it anyway.........

So when we left off, we had our first ever jam session, and I caught him staring at me. That was the first time that i was like "heeeeey, there you are" in my head.

That very night I had a dream about B.. I dreamt (is that a word? whatev's) that he smashed my beloved blackberry because my credit was bad? I know. As soon as I woke up, I texted him and told him about my dream - it went something like this:

Me: I had a dream about you last night
He: Who is this?
Me: Haha, you SO funny
He: What kind of dream are we talking about here?
Me: You smashed my beloved blackberry because my credit was bad
He: How did you know i was secretly a member of the bad credit mafia?
Me: Tonight, my visa sleeps with the fishes??

(this is a dramatic re-enactment, I'm sure we were both much more effervescent)

And so it began. We texted constantly. We laughed our asses off, constantly. We annoyed the shit out of everyone around us because we were both constantly texting and laughing, and no one else ever got the joke.

For three weeks, we carried on like this. whenever people asked if we were getting together already, I always replied that it would never happen - we had the perfect thing going, laughing, no expectations, no drama. Our perfect, happy, hilarious bubble.

I am not the type to not act on something. If I like someone, fuck it, I'll ask him out, the worst he can say is no right? But I was having no part of asking B., I didn't ever want to hear rejection from him, I didn't ever want to have awkward burst our bubble.

All our friends smiled at us indulgently whenever we denied there was anything going on (I coulda smacked the faces right off they heads).

I really didn't believe that something like this could have been real. I didn't believe that someone as hot and smart and funny would think that I was hot and smart and funny too. Stuff like this doesn't often happen to girls like me, and truth is, I have a lot of baggage from a lifetime of shitty relationships. Turns out his luggage matched mine.

I'm not going to finish the story cause everything from here totally falls into the none-of-your-business category. I will say this - when we both realised that we felt the same way, there was no stopping us. He came to my house at 1 in the morning, and kissed me, and kissed me......and he has never left.

I am the luckiest.

The Help

Well Hello!!

I know. It's been a millenia since last I wrote. It's been a pretty shitty handful of months, so I'm not even gonna get into it. There were many days it was hard to haul my sorry ass out of bed, so writing a blog was absolutely out of the question. The briefest of updates before I get to the good stuff. Yes, I'm still in school. That's all I'm gonna say about that. Yes, my darling and I are still together, and doing very well. Yes, I'm still fat.

No, I'm not preggo, and man oh man alive, do I ever get asked that a lot. Like, daily. I don't think it has anything to do with my weight, I think it has to do with my happiness/relationship levels. Which is actually kind of cool.

Today I want to tell you a story. It is my favorite story, the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm gonna tell you about how me and my darling became us.

A couple of years ago (years?? what now??) a dear friend of mine K., here in Iqaluit, told our group of friends that a childhood friend of hers was coming to town to work for six months. We (meaning our group of friends) were in the midst of what we call the golden year; everything was beautiful. We partied like it was our J-O-B, ate and drank (and drank and drank), played board games and never had to suffer through any drama. When K.'s friend arrived, we welcomed him, because of K.. In truth, he (we'll call him B.) didn't even cross my radar. It seemed like he didn't ever speak, and well, I never shut up. I started inviting B. to things, because he didn't really know anyone, and because i always invited K. to everything anyway.

B. later revealed that he was terrified of me upon our first meeting. This confession is something I hear quite often.

So I started seeing him around. At parties, at my house, at parties....one night at a party, I heard that he played bass. I invited him to a jam session the next night.

The next night, he came by and sort of listened in for the first bit. After a while, I turned to him and was like "DUDE, why are you staring at me, what??" And he gave possible the best response ever - "you can really sing".

Oh. Well.....ahh, tee hee (insert your own giggly girl voice as needed).


Ok, I'm tired, I'll finish the story tomorrow dear hearts.