And then today

I just purchased my wedding invitations.

Shit just got real son.

It's so funny, I got more weepy and nervous ordering the invitations then anything else so far (well, except for the dress of course, I am human after all). I'm surprised in fact, by how emotional I got. We both have already purchased and received our rings - and while I do take the rings out of the safe and stare at them sometimes, it has not come close to what I am feeling here today.

Is it because the important stuff just got committed to paper? Or because my mom and dad's names appear on the top? I haven't been a little girl in a long time, but I'm still my parents baby, I'm not gonna lie.

My ipod tells me that we're getting married in 9 months and 18 days. I hope I can pull it together in those intervening months, cause I'm paying a lot of money to get my make up done, and I don't want to cry it all off before I even leave the freakin spa.

I have shocked even myself since getting engaged. I cry ALL THE TIME. Like, several times a day. What the hell is the matter with me?

I once had a manager type say about me (behind my back) that I had a soft touch, backed up by balls of steel. This was (I assume) a huge compliment, but since I've gotten engaged, it's like I lost my lady balls.

I cry when I think about my niece and nephew getting all dressed up. I cry when I read the things people say in their speeches. When I think about my daddy walking me down the aisle, or my mom giving us a blessing.

I cry when we plan ways to include my darling's lost dad in the wedding.

I cry when I see how happy people are for me.

And Jesus, the state of me when I hear the song that will be our first dance. I've started listening to it often, so maybe I won't be such a wreck on the day, but so far, this process hasn't tamed the beast.


Go to www.momentjunkie.com, and have a little cry with me.

It Has Been Decided

My darlings, my dears.
How nice it has been to hear from you all again, and gratifying to know that people give a shit  - enough to tell me that they are glad I'm back anyway. Warms the cockles of my heart.

Speaking of cockles, my darling one and I have decided that we want to take an actual vacation when we have a few days off in November.

Lemme break down a "vacation" for when a northerner goes down south:

1. visit as many people as possible; rub bellies, kiss babies that didn't exist the last visit, assure favorite aunts that life really is ok "up there", show parents and siblings a years worth of lovin and missin in mere days

2. do six months worth of clothes, toothpaste, shampoo and liquor shopping. Seriously, I feel like a cartoon shopping "I'll have one of these, and one of these, and six of these, and these come in 3 colors you say?" I shop with a cart in the liquor store. What. Up.

3. find out everything missed out on. For example, when I went south in February of this year, I asked my sister about this Gangnam Style business. I thought it was a fashion choice.

 I only found out about Macklemore this past July.

5. Family stuff. This is super-sized once engaged, I have learned. Gotta cuddle with the kids, and view soccer games, and sing "Cups". Visit the elderly and sick, and remind them that they aren't forgotten. Family dinners, celebrations, and toasts, oh my!

6. Pray that the people you didn't get to see (which is always MOST people) still love you even though they haven't seen your raggety mug in 3 years.

So you see, even when it seems like I have endless time, it's all very slippery and it slithers away before you can imagine.

We had three weeks vacation this year, and of that, we had exactly one day that wasn't planned or otherwise taken. One day.


This November, it's gonna be about us, just me n he. We haven't decided where we are going yet, but it will be somewhere where there is no family (not that we don't love ya by's) or friends (not that you're not missed my dears). There's going to be no wedding planning, or invitation list talk. We may shop, but it won't be a frantic misadventure.

And you know what will happen? We'll probably sleep through the whole thing.

Been a long time, been a long time, been a long lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely time

I haven't been lonely at all actually, but you get my meaning.

I have missed you!
I thought I was done with the blog, it was just going to go quietly into the good night, but I've been reading stuff on www.salon.com recently, and it has made me realise how much I miss writing, if not every day, at least more often then preparing a bill, or shooting off an email.

 I was feeling a little remorse about having a blog as well; they are such intrinsically narcissistic beasts. I'm not gonna lie, I LOVED having people tell me they read my stuff, they like my stuff.....but I was feeling a little dry. Light on useful topics.

So first, an update: getting hitched in just over 9 months! Holy God. Weddings are insane business, but I'll do a little something on that later. I have made some serious headway in preparing for Christmas craft fairs, though all this has done is extended the time that I worry I won't sell anything. Ah, without worry, what would I be? Probably worried that I have nothing to worry about.

The big news (no, I'm not freaking pregnant), my darling and I are leaving the North. Early next year. We're buying a house and starting a life among friends and family. There will be trees. Starbucks. Lip gloss WHENEVER I WANT IT.

I have been in the North for so long - people don't believe me when i say I'm leaving. They say I'll be back.
Hhhmm. We shall see. My friends, the biggest problem I have is that I am tired.

Yes, I do understand that tired happens everywhere in the world. I am tired of always being on. I'm tired of not being able to disappear for a little while if I need to. If I go to the grocery store, I may (and do) run into 7 people that I used to work with. I go to a nice dinner with my darling, and at the next table is 3 people who made my working life miserable just the day before.

Again, I understand that this sort of thing happens elsewhere, but we can all admit that it probably doesn't happen that often right?

Let me tell you about something that happened recently.

There has been an issue making the local news - a woman was attacked by a dog. She was horribly mauled, in front of her children. She spent a long time in the hospital, and is having a difficult time overcoming this psychologically. Completely understandable, I mean, Jesus, a dog tried to rip her apart.

People are in an uproar, and some want all non-huskie dogs to be banned from Nunavut.

In the wake of this discussion, I was out, walking my dog one day. My dog is a sweetheart - we adopted her from a family who could not take her with them when they moved down south.

It was a lovely afternoon, sunny and warm. I had my headphones on and we were just sort of ambling around - she wasn't even doing her business, we were just walking.

A woman was smoking on her balcony, and motioned for me to take off my headphones, and asked me what kind of dog Rosie is. People ask this sort of thing all the time. So responded that she's a spaniel/lab mix.

And this woman LOST HER EVER LOVING MIND. She screamed at me that I had no right to have a non-huskie dog in Nunavut, that stupid qallunaat like me are the problem with Iqaluit. She told me to fuck myself, and to get out of the north. She told me that I am disgusting.

The worst part? I was so shocked, I didn't respond. I did not tell this woman to fold it up and shove it. I was so disappointed in myself, for allowing someone to make me feel bad. I was just takin a walk man!

Anyway.....this is not why I decided to leave the north, but it didn't help. What helped even less, a few nights later I was eating dinner at a local restaurant, and this same woman tried to sell me a carving at my table. So you see what I mean? There are little chances for getting away.


But screw all that, I get t have a shower! Whoo-hoooooo!!! I dearly hope we all survive my stagette. Heh.