A Slice of Deep Fried Awesome

We need to talk

2012-02-16T11:22:00.000-08:00

What the f-ing F is up with everyone and their sitcom sister saying "wow factor"? Like, what? Where did this come from, and why in God's name, why???

I don't know why it grates on my so, but Lord have mercy, quit it! Commercials; "Now, that's what I call the wow factor", stupid storage wars (which I completely loved for approximately 47 seconds, then I was SO over it), my beloved Say Yes to the Dress (don't judge me, at least I've gotten over bawling like a little girl every time one of the women says yes).

We need to shut this down people. Who in the world wants to sound like Darryl from Storage Wars (yuuuuuuuuuup)? We should, together, aim to sound like Tina Fey, or Lewis Black or even frigging Maury Povich.

I'll wow your factor in a minute.

In other news, it turns out that my first love, Wheels from Degrassi, kicked it. Five years ago. How is it that I know from minute to minute how many lawsuits Lindsay Lohan has against her, yet we don't know it when a Canadian Legend (in my mind) buys the farm? Ah Wheels, we hardly knew ye.

I met him once, when I was like 12. I was in such an awestruck love haze, your friend The Help was unable to speak in his presence. True story.

The Help

Presented without comment

2012-02-14T15:52:00.000-08:00

Ok, one comment: Yummo!

I am the best girlfriend ever

2012-02-14T12:44:00.000-08:00

You know why? Not for expensive gifts or daring public proclimations. Let me tell you why; today, even though I FRIGGING HATE IT, I did the dishes. That right there, is love.

Someone just set off a bunch of fireworks outside my apartment building. I mean, jeeze, what a show off. Maybe their song is that Katy Perry one where her boobs shoot out sparklers. Or when they are Hershey's kisses, or something equally strange that makes her boobs into not boobs. It's hard to keep track.

So the whole school thing. This is gonna be my last discussion on the failed course....thing is, I was taking the fail personally. Yes, it's a shitty, shitty bump in the road that does affect my life. But it doesn't need to ruin it. The battle is lost, but I'm gonna OWN the war.

My darling's dad dying, that's big drops. A failed course is a small drop in the bucket. So I'm checking my ego, and getting the frak over it. I've been sleeping better since I've decided to get over it.

Next week, for the first time, The Help is going to Yellowknife. I know it seems weird to be going sideways instead of down for my brief vacation time, but I couldn't be more excited. Shoppers drug mart is in sight. As are dear friends, walmart, TREES, and I'm really hoping a good deli.

My last word for today - you don't need to be in a relationship for an awesome Valentine's day. Check out designer shoe warehouse. (heh, you thought I was gonna say something about masturbation, didn't you?)

The Help

Hearts, Cupid and etc.

2012-02-13T17:07:00.000-08:00

Do you believe in Valentine's Day? Well, I suppose that's the wrong way to pose the question, cause the day exists whether we believe or not. I guess what I'm really asking is, do you celebrate? Is it important to you?

Many moons ago, when I was working on my first degree (a very profitable double major of folklore and English) I did a little paper on Valentine's day, had a look back at the history of, the things people do, that kind of thing. I also did a survey of about 60 people, asking what they did, and if they knew the story of Valentine's day. Turned out that not one person knew why, but they all celebrated, by purchasing gifts or cards. Even the people who didn't celebrate, celebrated in some way (me and some friends used to have an anti-valentines - horror movies and cake in the shape of a broken heart).

This year is the first Valentine's for my darling and me. Last year he was in Ontario whilst I was here in Nunavut, and the funny thing is, it turns out we both feel the same way about the day. That it's pretty much foolishness.

We still gave each other gifts, but really, it was because we enjoy giving each other gifts. My darling gave me an ice cream maker. Boom. I'm currently eating my first ever batch of ice cream, raspberry chocolate. I am going to get so much fatter.

Here is a list of things we're going to do tomorrow, for Valentine's day:

4. Eat schwarma. Seems like a good tradition to me.
3. Eat the second ever batch of ice cream (that would be triple chocolate. yes, you should be jealous).
2. NOT give each other $9 cards from northmart.
1. Watch a series of particularly gory zombie flicks.

Right?

The Help

Ok, we're gonna pump the brakes a little here

2012-01-30T13:15:00.000-08:00

Maybe I've said too much. I kinda use this as a forum for talking about whats going on with me, the north, school....I try to be honest and funny, that's the only thing I really aim for, honest and funny.

Judging by the emails and comments, I've spent too much time bitching. I'm gonna clear up a few things, and then I'm going to take a little time off and figure out where I'm headed with the whole blog thing.

I have a head cold - I will probably survive it. It's not too surprising that I'm sick as I spend so much time around sick people. With the whole nursing school thing.

Most of the time, I'm ok with how I look. I am generally healthy and happy, and really, what else is there? I like food.

The insomnia - this has been a lifelong issue. Lifelong people, so while it sucks, I will, again, probably survive it. I know the reasons I can't sleep, and none are reasons I'm gonna share here.

I've been going through a hard time, with the whole school situation, and a recent death in the family that I was unable to return home for, and the dark and the cold. At the same time, most of my posts are tempered with the good as well as the bad. Or I thought they were.

So thanks to everyone who has written or commented, but a needy, negative person is not who I am, and not who I want to portray here.

Theme of the day: Out of sorts

2012-01-29T10:33:00.000-08:00

I'm feelin' pretty weird. Beyond this brutal head cold (my second one since new years, for real), I've been having a bitch of a time sleeping. Not sleeping sucks, and I must admit, I'm like a pro at not sleeping. I'm a master insomnier.

Imagine, if you will, your friend The Help, lying in bed at 5 in the am, staring at her sleeping soundly partner, muttering under her breath about how SOME people have it SO easy, and can sleep all the night through.

He is actually pretty amazing, I've seen him fall asleep mid-word, let alone mid-sentence.

I called in sick to work today, something I never, ever do. I was totally ready to go, got out of bed, got in the shower, and immediately got back out of the shower and called my manager. I was afraid of doing a Demi Moore impression in the shower (too soon?).

I may have just sneezed out the last of my brains.

The Help

And a happy Saturday to me

2012-01-28T16:58:00.000-08:00

Two things:

1. I'm totally sick, again. It's a confusing cold too, cause I feel dried out like an apricot, but my nose has been running like a faucet. Perplexing. Very perplexing.

2. I made and tasted my first ever creme brulee this very evening. how did I live before??

Well.

2012-01-24T11:16:00.000-08:00

Yesterday's post was one of the most read/most commented on posts I have ever written. Thank you all for caring. I'm gonna answer some questions, and then we're gonna talk about better, funner (I know it's not a word) things.

The course was pathophysiology, a very difficult course at best. It was a pre-requisite for several other courses, which is why I'm being held back. There are three people in my class. Yes. Three, which is kind of a problem. I came very, very close to passing, which is probably the worst part.

Obviously, this has seriously affected me. But my friends, today we will move on. My plan of action is this - kick ass, take names and succeed in spite of it all.

Let's talk about Christmas for a bit. For the first time in 5 years, I left the north for Christmas. For the first time, I opened gifts with people, very exciting. The best part was, my darling has a niece, she is about 18 months old, and to open gifts with this child, well, it made my life.

We gave her a pretty princess play castle - the kind of tent that people set up in their living rooms, and it has pictures of Cinderella, and Belle and various and sundry Disney princesses.

When she opened the box, she didn't really know what it was, but then her father set it up in the living room for her. Picture this for me please:

A gorgeous blond child, realizing that her awesome aunt and uncle gave her a HOUSE. She doesn't really talk, but she let us know that this was her house, and we'd all best stay out.

She began furnishing her house, with empty boxes and wrapping paper (obviously), and she totally let us know (without speaking) that we WERE NOT welcome to help her.

She sat inside for a while, every now and again looking through one of the windows to make sure we weren't eyeing the place for our own, and then - this is the best bit - she started like patrolling the perimeter, giving us all the 4th degree stink eye, in case we had missed the point up to now. Hi-Larious!

I was again, and as always, spoiled rotten, but there were 2 gifts in particular that I'm still super excited about. My darling gave me a kick ass food processor (I have since become a master salsa maker) and a TORCH for the kitchen. Yep. Creme brulee is now possible. Creme brulee people!

The Help

I have something to tell you

2012-01-23T09:31:00.000-08:00

I had a lengthy debate with myself over whether or not I was going to share this particular piece of information, but maybe once it's out there, it won't feel so shitty and embarrassed.

I failed a course last semester.

I know. I have crazy good grades and get scholarships and such, how could this have happened?? Well, the thing is, my whole class failed. We are now all being held back for a year, my graduation won't be 2015 now. I will be 38 when I graduate.

Obviously, this was not part of the plan......but there's this saying, something along the lines of "wanna hear God laugh? tell him your plans". Don't worry, I'm not gonna go all dear Jesus on you, but this idea, this saying is something that makes sense to me right now. Failing a course does not make sense to me right now.

I'm freaking devastated.

It took me three days to tell my parents. Not because I was afraid they would be mad or disappointed, but because I am so ashamed. There are a lot of people who ask me about school, who rally around me.....and to tell these people, my cheerleaders, that I tried and failed is awful. I worked hard, and still, I failed.

There's more. Because I failed this course, and am being held back, I'm not eligible for the same scholarships and bursaries. No Vegas for The Help.

Maybe this is a gift, this newly found free time, I don't know. I'm having a difficult time looking at the positive side right now.

The Help

Part deux

2012-01-21T08:22:00.000-08:00

I realised after hitting "post" the other night that I may be the only person in the world who gives a shit about how my darling and I got together, but look at me not caring! I'm gonna write it anyway.........

So when we left off, we had our first ever jam session, and I caught him staring at me. That was the first time that i was like "heeeeey, there you are" in my head.

That very night I had a dream about B.. I dreamt (is that a word? whatev's) that he smashed my beloved blackberry because my credit was bad? I know. As soon as I woke up, I texted him and told him about my dream - it went something like this:

Me: I had a dream about you last night
He: Who is this?
Me: Haha, you SO funny
He: What kind of dream are we talking about here?
Me: You smashed my beloved blackberry because my credit was bad
He: How did you know i was secretly a member of the bad credit mafia?
Me: Tonight, my visa sleeps with the fishes??

(this is a dramatic re-enactment, I'm sure we were both much more effervescent)

And so it began. We texted constantly. We laughed our asses off, constantly. We annoyed the shit out of everyone around us because we were both constantly texting and laughing, and no one else ever got the joke.

For three weeks, we carried on like this. whenever people asked if we were getting together already, I always replied that it would never happen - we had the perfect thing going, laughing, no expectations, no drama. Our perfect, happy, hilarious bubble.

I am not the type to not act on something. If I like someone, fuck it, I'll ask him out, the worst he can say is no right? But I was having no part of asking B., I didn't ever want to hear rejection from him, I didn't ever want to have awkward burst our bubble.

All our friends smiled at us indulgently whenever we denied there was anything going on (I coulda smacked the faces right off they heads).

I really didn't believe that something like this could have been real. I didn't believe that someone as hot and smart and funny would think that I was hot and smart and funny too. Stuff like this doesn't often happen to girls like me, and truth is, I have a lot of baggage from a lifetime of shitty relationships. Turns out his luggage matched mine.

I'm not going to finish the story cause everything from here totally falls into the none-of-your-business category. I will say this - when we both realised that we felt the same way, there was no stopping us. He came to my house at 1 in the morning, and kissed me, and kissed me......and he has never left.

I am the luckiest.

The Help

Well Hello!!

2012-01-19T20:55:00.000-08:00

I know. It's been a millenia since last I wrote. It's been a pretty shitty handful of months, so I'm not even gonna get into it. There were many days it was hard to haul my sorry ass out of bed, so writing a blog was absolutely out of the question. The briefest of updates before I get to the good stuff. Yes, I'm still in school. That's all I'm gonna say about that. Yes, my darling and I are still together, and doing very well. Yes, I'm still fat.

No, I'm not preggo, and man oh man alive, do I ever get asked that a lot. Like, daily. I don't think it has anything to do with my weight, I think it has to do with my happiness/relationship levels. Which is actually kind of cool.

Today I want to tell you a story. It is my favorite story, the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm gonna tell you about how me and my darling became us.

A couple of years ago (years?? what now??) a dear friend of mine K., here in Iqaluit, told our group of friends that a childhood friend of hers was coming to town to work for six months. We (meaning our group of friends) were in the midst of what we call the golden year; everything was beautiful. We partied like it was our J-O-B, ate and drank (and drank and drank), played board games and never had to suffer through any drama. When K.'s friend arrived, we welcomed him, because of K.. In truth, he (we'll call him B.) didn't even cross my radar. It seemed like he didn't ever speak, and well, I never shut up. I started inviting B. to things, because he didn't really know anyone, and because i always invited K. to everything anyway.

B. later revealed that he was terrified of me upon our first meeting. This confession is something I hear quite often.

So I started seeing him around. At parties, at my house, at parties....one night at a party, I heard that he played bass. I invited him to a jam session the next night.

The next night, he came by and sort of listened in for the first bit. After a while, I turned to him and was like "DUDE, why are you staring at me, what??" And he gave possible the best response ever - "you can really sing".

Oh. Well.....ahh, tee hee (insert your own giggly girl voice as needed).

Ok, I'm tired, I'll finish the story tomorrow dear hearts.

yeah-eah-eah What's up morphine?

2011-11-03T18:07:00.000-07:00

I've told you before, about my stupid busted hurty finger. Well this week, I can only assume is what is punishment from God, my finger has been particularly awful. Like been to the E.R. three times in 5 days awful. Like getting needles full of morphine (and torodol and gravol) awful.

Sure, sure, it sounds like fun, and admittedly, the first afternoon was a laugh, I just floated around laughing and waving at the walls. But then by day three, it wasn't fun anymore, and I was missing school and work, and missing having a working brain. So yesterday, I stopped taking the pills, and today, I returned to work and school. Nice to be back, for sure, but just cause I'm sick of my dirthole apartment, doesn't mean I'm better. But I'm powering through. So lets talk about something else shall we?

Let's talk about Lindsay Lohan, tastefully pictured below, in handcuffs. So this week, she was given 90 days in jail, which was then reduced to 6 days, which actually means in famous person jail speak, 34 seconds. I used to feel sorry for her, for real. I even wrote to one of my fave gossip bloggers to take it easy, this girl is clearly sad smut, not fun flirty styles gossip. I was wrong. This woman is very simply put, an asshole. She is physically and mentally incapable of doing the right thing, and how GD hard is it to do the right thing?? It's hard for her, because there are no consequences. From her family, from the court system, or from her own inner dialogue. Tell me something - if the one thing keeping you out of jail was to show up at a women's shelter once every 2 weeks, would you do it? Would you do it all at once so that it didn't drag on forever? Would you feel terrible about yourself day and night if you got FIRED from a volunteer position? I know I would. though I suppose that's the difference between her and I, or her and all of us. Also, I don't think cocaine smells nearly as good as she thinks it does, so maybe there's something to that.

Another question: what would your mother do if you behaved like this? MY mother would kick my ass. Twice, and convince me that I liked it to. Lindsay Lohan's mother sold her to Playboy, and then went looking for ways to pawn off her other children so that she never has to pay for her cocai....I mean, ice cream.

So do me a fave, do us all a solid. If you are a purchaser of Playboy, please don't buy the one she covers. If you AREN'T a Playboy purchaser, by all means, continue to not purchase. Or take a page from my book - I'm gonna buy a Playboy every month until she is on the cover, just so I can refuse to buy the one she's on. I'll only read the articles, swears.

The Help

HAHAHA

2011-10-19T14:39:00.000-07:00

Photo taken today.

Burnin' in My Heart

2011-10-18T18:39:00.000-07:00

Sitting here listening to some oldies (ooooo, heatwave!), thinkin of you all. It's been forever and a day. So! An update:

-school is brutal, the grades are NOT what they were last year, let me tell ya. Still love it.
-still working. probably...ah who am I trying to kid..am DEFINITELY working way too much, which of course prompts the question, why in God's name did I stop being a manager?
-me and my honey are awesome. He is awesomer.
-I'm going to VEGAS. suck on that.
-I still hate people who hit the handicap button. I had to be physically restrained from harming a slap happy gentleman who hit the button once he was THROUGH the door one day last week. The door that I held open for him. So help me.....

I have a new an improved list of things I hate (please note that this is not a complete list):
1. when the shower curtain touches when your in the shower. It's silly, I know, I clean said curtain myself, but still. Grosses me out.
2. Ugg boots. I'll live if you don't agree. Someone gotta be peelin them off of Britney Spears every night. Think about that next time you hate your job.
3. Stupid m*#therf@!king wallet stealers.
4. 600 daily requests for me to re-post something about angels or sisters or cancer or dragons as my facebook status. Not doin it, and maybe it's bad karma, or makes it appear that I don't care about people dying - not the case. I just don't believe that my status is gonna save a life. Finishing nursing school maybe, a sentence on line? Nope, I don't buy it.
5. Dear, darling friends, moving away.
6. Lindsay Lohan. For reals, got a mad hate on for that ropey twat.
7. Mushrooms.
8. Negative, sad people (so says the person compiling a list of hates). Go be negative somewhere else sad face! Fawk. Least you're not Britney Spears' boot removal person.

To answer some questions: yes, I saw the movie "The Help". No, I do not think they will sue me, as I suspect I don't actually exist to these people. Yes, I failed the diet. Again. No, I don't mind that I failed. I'm ok.

The Help

2011-09-01T08:09:00.000-07:00

So I’m fat. Always have been, and while I’m generally ok, and I generally think things are good, I often hear a phantom voice in my head – “this is hard because you’re fat”. My own voice, just tinged with disappointment, not my usual perky banter voice. There have been so many times that I have been shocked that still I am fat. I guess I figured that by this stage in my life, with so many things going so well, that I would have pulled it together enough to lose the freaking weight already.

My boyfriend thinks I’m pretty, and that’s been good enough for me. I love shows and books and movies about big girls because that makes it ok for me right? Fat girl power!!!

But I never really bought it. I have a mirror, I know what I look like. I hear enough from helpful people who say wonderful, not at all looking for a goddamn smack in the mouth, things such as “are you sure you need that extra doughnut/ice cream/bottle of tequila?” (Just as a side note – where did these people learn that speaking to ANYONE like that is ok?? Not cool. Shove it chuck)

I am a secret eater. And I hate that about myself, like I let everyone and myself down every time I shove food into my face. Sigh. This is hard. I HATE dieting. I hate counting and cutting, and sacrificing…..at the same time, I’ve known in the back of my head for a long time that the way I’m doing things isn’t right. Eating whatever, whenever. There have to be consequences at some point.

When I was doing a first aid course a few months ago, I said to myself, in my quiet, disappointed voice – getting down on the floor shouldn’t be so difficult. This isn’t good.

So. A few weeks ago, The Help joined Weight Watchers. Christ save us all, I was not fit to talk to for the first week. And I was away from my darling, and I was on vacation, so all I wanted to do was eat. Crisp, salty French fries, soft hot pretzels dipped in mustard, beyond buttery popcorn, doritos, fritos Cheetos, oh my!

I’m not going to turn this into a food journal. I’m not gonna give you constant updates on how many pounds lost….because what if I fail? What if it’s too hard?

I will say this; I feel better.

Le Sigh.

2011-08-03T05:51:00.000-07:00

10 years ago, my best friend died, at the ripe old age of 23. I figured that was pretty much it in the painful death department. I was so wrong.

A week and a half ago, my darling boyfriend, my most wonderful man, lost his dad. It was completely unexpected, and completely horrible.

I pride myself on the being the person who knows what to do, on being the person people call when things go wrong. I rush to whomever's side and help pick up the pieces. Never before have I felt like I was picking up pebbles with a butterfly net. He called me at 7 in the morning and, sounding like a lost little boy, told me his dad had died. What do I do? What do I do?!?! I don't know how to make this less god awful for him. I have visions of hugging him so hard that some of his pain gets wrung out, but it doesn't really work like that does it?

So I did his laundry. I plugged in his ipod and helped him pack. And I went down south with him, and waited, quietly. I don't think I have ever witnessed such heartbreak up close before. At least not in someone who I love this much.

I think back to 10 years ago, and feel such heartfelt sympathy for my parents, who had to watch me while it all fell apart around me. I can't think of my friend Micheal's family for too long, because even 10 years later, it's easy to be blindsided by what we have lost.

I didn't know this man very well. As we all know, I just met him for the first time last year. I do know that in a time when I was scared to death (meeting the family), he was kind to me. Unfailingly kind. I know that he made me laugh, and he treated me as if I was there all along.

I know that my wonderful man is just like his dad. I know too, that his dad was proud to bursting - you could tell from looking.

The worst part of it all, not just the loss, not the heartbreak, but the knowledge that we have such wonderful plans for our life and our family, and he will not see this amazing life come to fruition. I find it so sad to think that our future awesome kids (oh, they're gonna be awesome) will not know their grandfather, that they will not see the original, the reason that their dad is who he is.

I tried really hard not to cry in front of people, especially my darling, his sister, his stepmom. It was so hard. It was basically a nightmare, and I can't even imagine it from the perspective of the children, the wife. I was desperate for something to do, some little thing I could keep busy with, so I didn't have be a witness to it all.

It wasn't all horror movie, there was some comedy in there too. I met EVERBODY, the entire family, aunts, uncles, cousins, even the grandmother. Yeah, grandma and I wore the exact same outfit to the funeral. See? Comedy.

I fell in love with this family. They treated me like family, for the good, the bad and the ugly. And the thing that struck a chord with me is this - we are all the same. Our families, they are all the same. The same drama, the same laughs. So may I respectfully request; go call your parents. You know they want to hear from you.

I spoke to my parents often during the week, except for a few days in between, when they were stuck in an open boat for 12 hours. Can't even make this shit up. Someday, I will tell you that story, but for today, the story is someone belongs to my quiet, hard working, awesome fella, and the man who made the shoes for him to fill.

The Help

And so begins the countdown

2011-07-16T13:37:00.000-07:00

I'm not one of those people that has a countdown from day 276 leading to their vacation, but since I leave in TWENTY DAYS, that's a little different. I don't know if you could tell from the use of caps, but I am super frigging excited for my vacation this summer.

It's so weird. It used to be that I would leave the north every six months, and that was perfect. Granted the last week or so before the 6 months was up, I was a shade or two short of completely fucking bonkers, but 6 months was my magic number. To those who know, people in/from the north, the day to day around here isn't always easy. Sometimes, you just get tired of people screaming in the streets. Sometimes you get tired of eating at the same 5 restaurants over and over. I'm kinda having one of those days today, and I decided that 6 is no longer my magic number, now it's more like 4. And because of my new found debt freeness, I can actually afford to go every 4 months or so. Theres talk of going south for Christmas. If this is the case, it will be my first Christmas away since I've moved here. I love Christmas in Iqaluit, like a lot, but the idea of taking off for 10 days sounds delicious.

In other news, I have stagette tonight, the first time I've been to one in the north. It promises to be COMPLETELY INSANE. Like, I was thinking about calling the hospital to see if they'll put a liver on standby for me for tomorrow. I made a jug of gin and juice, and ratio of booze to juice is startlingly high. We're talking 60:40 here. Burn your nose hairs off. Ah yes, the smell of good times.

My darling has been warned however. He knows that he'll be starin down the barrel of a drunken girlfriend later tonight. He is a brave man. Didn't even flinch.

The Help

Walkin on Sunshine

2011-07-12T14:10:00.000-07:00

It's a big day over here at Help headquarters - I finally received my assessment for my 2010 taxes, and as of right now, I am debt free. I'll just repeat that so we all understand the enormity of this momentous occasion - the Help is DEBT FREE.

I can't remember the exact number, but since I've moved to the north, I have paid off something like $38,000 in debt. This seemed like an insurmountable number 5 years ago. Dear sweet baby Jesus, I'm gonna celebrate. Perhaps burn my loan papers and dance around it? Scratch that, it doesn't get dark around here this time of year, and there's only so much weirdness one can get away with before their face gets beat off for them.

I have one other bit of news. I've had this weird, super ugly, don't-fit-in-with-the others, hurty finger. It's been a royal pain in the finger for 17 years now, I shit you not. I've seen something like a dozen doctors about it, and never really gotten an answer, let alone help. I saw a surgeon in November and his awesome suggestion was to cut off the top of my finger. Seriously. So last week, I surpassed the regular amount of pain and drove directly to mindblowing pain. Like, pacing in the living room, don't know what to do with myself pain. So I went to the emergency room, and I FINALLY had this amazing doctor who was able to show me (holy grossness, Batman) the cyst in my finger that is shitting all over my nerve/bones. So much explained, AND I can get it fixed without cutting off any part of my body. Wild right? Plus, the drugs are awesome.

The doctor is from Newfoundland. Yeah, that's right.

The Help

Remember me?

2011-07-09T07:21:00.000-07:00

Whoo boy, it's been a long time! It's so funny, cause every day I didn't write, the easier it got to not write, if that makes any sense, and then I'd feel terribly guilty for not writing. Vicious cycle.

So! I finished school, my very first year of nursing. It was AWESOME!! Ok, ok, totally hard, full of tears and sacrifice, and worth every minute. Turns out that all that crazy hard work I did added up to something (say what?!? True story). I have some of the highest grades in my year, and my overall average, while not an A, sure ain't bad. It feels like an A.

Since school has finished, I've worked some, but mostly, I've been doing a lot of nothing. For possibly the first time in my life. And the thing about that is, it sucks, doing nothing. I am NOT cut out for sittin on my ace, watching life go by. You wouldn't even believe the make work projects I've been undertaking, just to keep myself out of trouble. If civilization fell tomorrow, and years from now archaeologists came back to study what remained, they would be amazed at the orderliness of my paperwork. This is the stuff of legends, categorized by year and type of whatever. I've been cooking like the stove is gonna die later today.

Speaking of cooking, I had a little dream come true action last week - I met a cheftestant from Top Chef Canada. It's quite a story. I was BEYOND excited to meet this guy, but unfortunately for all concerned, I was just south of hammered when I did. At 1 in the morning. In the parking lot of the Legion. Jesus save us all from a drunky Help, because lemme tell you, I laid it down for this guy.

He was pretty unimpressed with the fact that all the bars in the city were closed (everything round here closes at 12:30 on weeknights). So he walked by me, trying to get into the Legion, and when I realised who he was, I called out, and told him the place was closed, but that I was super frigging excited to meet him. This is where things kinda hit the skids; he asked who I thought should have won Top Chef, and I replied with drunken honesty - Connie. Wrong answer. He actually turned away from me, and started to leave, whe one of his friends told me I was supposed to say "Dustin" (as this was the top chef standing in front of me). What the what?!? I'm not gonna start lying just cause you're on tv, fool. So I got a picture, and dismissed him. Heh.

The only other bit of news - my darling one has moved to the north, and we now live together, two nerdly peas in a queen size pod. It was our anniversary a few weeks ago. He gave me a beautiful silver and ivory ring. I gave him a video game, and oddly, he was totally happy with that. Must be a dude thing.

The Help

2011-03-29T17:48:00.001-07:00

Oh my god, oh my god, ohmygod!!

As we all know, I'm in nursing school. Today, my classmates and I went to the hospital to shadow nurses for the morning. So even though it was the crack o freaking dawn, and I am so not a morning person, I was still pretty excited. I arrived at the hospital at 7 this morning (and no, I haven't been home yet. I work until 10pm), and was placed in day surgery.

What I was thinking would happen: I would sit in a corner, shunned by all as being a green know-nothing.

What actually happened: doctors and nurses alike treated me with the bestest....mostest......aaahhhhh!! they were all just frigging amazing. Very interested in my success. AND, double plus bonus, I GOT TO OBSERVE A SURGERY. Like, not from a viewing gallery, I was in the room. It was the wildest, coolest, scariest, best thing I've ever seen. Going into the OR, the head nurse mentioned to me that if I felt sick or faint that I shouldn't worry, it happens, and I just need to take my leave and wait it out. NEVER! I would have offered to do the surgery myself if I knew my ass from my elbow. It didn't bother me at all.

I change my mind a lot about what kind of nurse I want to be, and something that I've been saying all along, I'd like to delve into the world of psychiatric nursing, but my horizon was so broadened by this experience today.....well, surgery may be the life for me. I felt like I had won the lottery as I was leaving the hospital today.

In other news, tomorrow is my last day of work. I will no longer be The Help. Can you imagine? It's hard for me to even process the idea- I've worked here the entire time I've lived in the North. For better or for worse, this is my 2nd home. It will be strange and exhilarating to leave it behind. I can't pretend I'm not excited however, 'cause so help me, if one more person tells me I look tired.........

Three days until my darling arrives. Yeah, that would be THREE DAYS!!! SQUEEEEEEEEE!!!

The Help

But NEXT Sunday

2011-03-27T13:52:00.000-07:00

I will have the day off. In fact, starting Wednesday, I won't be working the main job anymore. On Friday, my darling arrives, and I don't have anywhere to be until MONDAY. Holy God, the potential, the cooking I could do! But I'll probs just end up comatose, which is ok too.

I got a lot of texts, and emails, and hugs yesterday. I needed it all. To JD in Ottawa, your note made my day, for real. I may or may not have begun bawling after the second sentence.....details are sketchy, but there wasn't a dry eye in the house. Well, at my desk.

I was delighted too, to learn that many people share in my extreme annoyance with the door thing. I must admit, way more stuff has been pissing me off lately, but this has been a life-long silly little pet peeve of mine. I'm also deeply offended by hipsters (I just wanna rip their insane glasses and Rainbow Bright purses off their pale, skinny bodies), people who skip in line, and Oprah (she knows what she did). Anyone else?

The Help

Soooo......

2011-03-26T09:22:00.000-07:00

I quit my job. True story. I tried really, really hard, but I couldn't make it all work, there are simply not enough hours in the day. And school has been so gonzo, with promises of it only getting WORSE, BY A LOT in the next few months. Soon after exams end, I'm in the hospital, for 12 hours a day.

Truth is, I haven't been doing great. I was setting aside crying time every day, just like when I had three jobs at once a few years ago. Like, let alone that my school work was suffering, my job was suffering, my relationships were suffering - I was suffering. Feeling on the edge of crazy, didn't know my arse from my elbow, forgetting important stuff, falling asleep in the back of cabs, crazy.

I miss my friends. I miss having a life. I miss being able to stay awake past 10. Look, I know what I signed up for, it's no use rubbing my choices in my face. I'm not saying I can't do it, I'm saying it's really fucking hard. A personal pet peeve - when people, friends, get on my case about my absenteeism. This does not make me want to go out, it makes me want to stay in and hide, and never come out. Putting drinks in my hand will not make me party. Another pet peeve: when I tell people that I'm having a hard time, that I need a little understanding, and the response is invariably, you'll be fine. Buck up soldier.

Not cool.

A completely unconnected pet peeve - Do I ever hate it when perfectly healthy, not-laden-down-with-crap people use those handicap door buttons. I don't know why, but it makes me wanna rip my skin off with annoyance. Recently, I held open one such door for a young man, and AFTER he was through the door, he pushed the button to open the f-ing door. Why? I know why - because this child is so used to slapping the button on the way through, he doesn't know how to not do it. What a sorry statement of our times. People are too lazy to OPEN A DOOR. I'll open your door in a minute kid (whilst staring menacingly at said kid).

Please to tell Dear Help, surely there must be some good news to report? Anything that doesn't make you feel all stabby?

It's true my friends, there is some good news. My darling, my favorite man since my daddy, is coming back to town this week. This week!! It seemed to take years, but it is happening this Friday. And even better news (depending on whether or not you speak to my sainted parents or not), we are moving in together, living in sin if you'd prefer. I'm so freaking excited for this. To have meals together and sleep in if we feel like it, and sit around and watch tv on Sunday afternoons.......le sigh. Yes, it all sounds very sedate, maybe even boring. And I couldn't be happier.

The Help

PS there was a major fire here in Iqaluit this week. 30 families lost everything. So please, think of these people, pray for these people, donate if you can. Thank your lucky stars and whichever god you worship that it wasn't you. Perhaps get renter's insurance?

Gawd, I'm Terrible

2011-03-02T18:15:00.000-08:00

The first little while that I didn't write, it was because I was so tired and stunned by the amount of work I had to do, that I didn't want to just complain. Then the time stretched longer and farther, and then, all of a sudden, I was on vacation again. Craziness. Now it's gotten to the point where I feel guilty for not writing, which is utter madness, cause there are plenty of days I feel like I don't have time to pee.....

But for now, my bladder is empty, and I have much to report.
First, there are only 6 weeks left to school. Holy Bejesus. Where on earth did the time go? I've learned how to do vital signs which is all kinds of neat-o, and have acquired a stethoscope of my very own. In the color of frosted glacier, no less.

The going to part time thing hasn't really worked. I'm working just a few hours less then I was when I was full time, so I am, as ever, completely exhausted.

I got an extremely poor grade back yesterday, my first. I was devastated.

The good stuff - I was able to take a vacation during school's reading week. I finally after a lifetime, got to see my favorite man. Ok, it was only 2 months, but it seemed like a FREAKING LIFETIME. It was so, so good to see him. The days leading up to vacation, I started getting scared and stressed. I was afraid things would be awkward and weird. I was afraid that he forgot what I looked like in the intervening time and wouldn't think I was pretty anymore. I was afraid that the magic would be gone, or lessened. This was so not the case my friends. It was such a wonderful relief to be all wrapped up in him again, and there was no awkwardness, there was nothing but shit happy. It was like I was never gone, we completely picked up where we left off. Le sigh. I am the luckiest.

So we went to Newfoundland. He had never been before, and there was the great event - Meeting The Family. Of course, and possibly for the first time, my family completely fell in love with him. My sister was particularly vocal about this - after a bit of wine, she tells me that she thinks he is the best dude I've ever gone out with. I happen to agree. I brought him to the touristy places that you're supposed to bring mainlanders to, and there were many kisses at red lights. We shopped and ate terrible/awesome food (big shout out to Ches's), we hung out with the family, and babysat the kids. In short, we didn't stop. Of the six days we were on the Rock, it didn't snow for 7 minutes. Yep, we timed it. Seven minutes. There were many many, oh, many, people I didn't get to see. to you, my Newfoundland friends, I'm very sorry, It's not a lack of love, and we'll be back in the summer.

And now for something completely different - are you in love with Mumford and Sons or whaa?

The Help

three more days of madness

2011-01-29T16:35:00.000-08:00

So I realized today that I haven't written in a while. I've started to write several times in the last 10 days, and gave it up part way through.....I found that all I was doing was complaining. while that may be a little cathartic for me, I'm pretty sure everyone has a whole life of their own and don't need a dose of my moaning on top of it.

I'm almost completely moved, and I spent my first night in my new place last night. I am so blessed - I put out the call, that I needed help, and half of the city showed up to move my junk from one end to the other. Three and a half years of piled up living took about 45 minutes to move. As a payback, I made 2 giant bowls of "drop kick punch" (as my darling named it), utilizing a bottle of gin AND a bottle of vodka. My, my my. We did indeed get silly drunk. We planned on going to the bar that is now downstairs from my new apartment, but we were having such a great time, we stayed in.

I officially begin part time work tomorrow. I love my job, and I'd like to think that I'm good at it, but holy bejesus, I'm so freaking excited to have a little free time. I may break down and get cable (oooOOooohh), though I'm really only interested in the food network. And Glee.

The whole best new blog business did not work out in my favor, but seriously, I was so surprised and elated to even be thought of, I am a genuine happy chappy. To all of the awesomes who voted for me, thank you so much. I came close my friends, I came close. And the most wonderful thing that came about because of this nomination - I mentioned to my parents that I had been nominated. They were quite surprised, as they didn't even know that I was writing a blog....and I had to explain to my dad what a blog is. They are so good, they read every blog I posted in the one sitting, and while they didn't much appreciate my er, florid language, they had very nice things to say about my writing. Who could ask for more then approval from mom and dad?

My dad noted how much my spelling has improved. I'll explain spell check next time.

The Help

2011-01-18T16:19:00.000-08:00

I've been having a really good day. In fact, I've been having a really good couple of days. I still don't know where I'm moving (in 2 weeks, eep!), my man is still far, far away, my bestie still continues to not live here, yet, and still, I've been having a good run.

School is awesome. It's wickedly hard, and lots of work, and way more then last semester, and I love every minute of it. We had one of those golden days today, our instructor was so ON that we all understood what he was talking about and we managed to have a lot of laughs too. I have this one instructor for 4 of my 5 courses, and he is very simply, the shit. I've written about him before, but today he was on top of his game.

It's less then a month until my next vacation and seeing my darling again. As soon as it hit the month mark, it didn't seem so bad. I miss him terribly, but the end is in sight. And today, I added an extra day on to the end of my vacation, and shortly after I get back, he will be moving to Iqaluit.

I've downloaded a zillion new musics from itunes, including "Make Me Lose Control" by Eric Carmen. Who? Eric Carmen of amazing feathered hair 80's fame. this song reminds me of my sister, in the best way, and it reminds me of being on the bus from school when I was in grade 6. Is there anything better then hearing a song that makes me so happy after 20 years? Cheesy? Yes please.

Ok, maybe there's one thing better. I was reading a friends blog today (what up Townie Bastard?) and he's been nominated for best blog in the north (again). So I went to the website to vote for him, and it turns out that your friend, The Help, has been nominated for best new blog! Shut your dirty mouth, what?!?

I wish I could describe how good this feels. Even if you don't vote, or don't vote for me, God love ya for reading. God love ya for making me feel this good.

And if you do feel like voting.....
http://kiggavik.typepad.com/the_house_other_arctic_mu/2011/01/voting-round-the-2010-nunies.html

the Help

Holy Upheaval Batman

2011-01-12T17:48:00.000-08:00

Things are changing for me, and very quickly. In all honesty, it's giving me a flaming case of the screaming heebee jeebees. I'm used to having a plan, knowing exactly what my next step is, but in a zen way, if that makes any sense. Ok, it doesn't.

Part of living here, of existing in this part of the world, is sort of floating along, and letting things happen. Everything is slow, from customer and government services to internet connections. And it doesn't do anyone any good whatsoever to get all huffy about it. It doesn't get the food to your table any faster, or make anyone answer the phone at 2:04 on a Tuesday afternoon. So to a certain extent, I live like this. I'm cool with it, cause it's the easiest thing to be, and because really, it's nice. Everyone is mellow like an outdoor concert, except without the maryjane. For the most part.

So while I do drift along, I worry enough, and I have enough on my plate, that I have to know where I'm at most of the time. This week, I've lost sight of where I'm at, on so many levels. The first and biggest thing - I have decided to drop from management to regular part time at my job. My school schedule is so very much this semester, I couldn't even survive the first week. This is pretty big for me, I feel like I'm cutting off a bit of myself, and giving it away. Because I'm going to part time, I will obviously be making less money, but I also lose my apartment. Technically speaking, I have nowhere to live in three weeks. Enter screaming heebee jeebees.

Of course, I am surrounded by such wonderful people, no one will let me be homeless. I'm on the student housing list, and we all just have to keep our fingers crossed that housing comes up before then. A dear friend just bought a house, and she tells me I can stay there until student housing happens. I am so lucky.

And the last part of this craziness that is my new life, I decided that I needed to supplement my diminishing paycheck - I'm going back to hosting karaoke. Dear sweet baby Jesus, save me from myself.

The karaoke crowd don't know this information yet. Well, now they do. Cue a million "I told you so" postings.

The Help

Like a drunken phoenix, I too shall rise from the ash

2011-01-09T11:52:00.000-08:00

I've had the last three days off of work, and I only had school long enough to collect my schedule on one of those days. Pray tell Help, what did you do with all of that free time? Begin an advanced basket weaving course? Go to mime school? STUDY?? No (though I should reconsider the mime thing on my next days off), I slept. I did the dishes, and other useful things, but on the whole, I slept. I have this insane idea that if I sleep lots before the semester begins, I won't be so dropping tired this semester? Yeah, crazy. I'm ok with that.

In the short time since I last wrote, a great deal has changed for me. Big changes.
I got my new semester schedule a few days ago, and it is so scary, I could feel my brain freeze. I showed my boss my new schedule, and he asked if I had considered going part time (did I mention how scary the schedule is?). So I have 200 new things to think/worry about, a bunch of decisions and scary what-if's....truth told my friends, I'm scared. I'm scared for all the changes that are coming. I'm a world class worrier, and my skills have certainly been put to the test this week.

So lets talk about something else shall we? I saw the second worst movie ever made last night (in the non-zombie category, man, there are some STINKERS in the zombie category), I think it was called "How can you tell" or "how do you know" or some other poorly thought out crappy title. It had possibilities, a good cast etc, but good God, none of these fools were able to finish a sentence, it was exhausting.

A wonderful, dear friend gave me, I shit you not, ZOMBIE SHOES for Christmas. Got 'em in the mail a few days ago. I cannot express the joy.

And tomorrow, it starts again. Wish me luck.

The Help

And then it was January

2011-01-04T13:48:00.000-08:00

Can you even believe.....
I haven't written in a while, my doves, because of the holiday season. It was a strange holiday for me.....my annual Christmas Eve shin-dig was certainly well attended, but like a lame lamer, I kicked everyone out by midnight. We did rock mightily, and one of my favorite bits from the whole holiday season was a perfect moment in time when it seemed like the whole world was singing "Yellow Submarine" along with everyone at my party. I don't know when the precise moment of my downfall into lameness occurred, but I suspect it has something to do with lingering exhaustion from school. I mean, for god's sake, I was in bed by 1:30 on new years eve. Me!

It's not just tired however. I mistakenly believed that I would behave this Christmas as I have the last several, meaning single. Not the case my friends, not the case. While I was physically single, there was something dear missing from all the festivities. Long distance is hard. Not the fun kind of hard.

The good stuff:
Was spoiled rotten with gifts and cards and love - the farthest being from Malawi.
Worked significantly less hours, and basically sat on my ass (and played rock band) for the last week. It's been quite a shock to the system, this slowing down. I find myself confused often, like there's something I'm supposed to be doing......
Became seriously addicted to my new ipod touch, and some of the new musics I've gotten, honestly, I don't know how I lived before some of it. Two albums I have recently gotten that I strongly recommend - Janelle Monae (girl is a FREAK) and the new Kanye West. I know, I know, dude is a power tool, but my God, this album is insane.

School starts again in a few days. God help us all.

the Help

Make Ye Merry (now with Jello shooters!)

2010-12-23T12:51:00.000-08:00

So I got back from my vacation 2 days ago. It was a crazy whirlwind of friends, family and shopping. Just a whirl of wind. I had a wonderful time, met lots of people, and spent the equivalent of a small country's national debt.

Some highlights: my man's truck broke down within an hour of my arrival, and so I met his ENTIRE FAMILY with no prep time. I still reeked like airplane, and in this one rare instance, your friend the Help turned into a shy little girl, it was crazy. I was seriously intimidated, so I basically kept my trap shut. Which of course, scared the bejesus out of anyone who knows me.

I went to a church thing for kids in Perth, just as a tag-along, and as soon as I arrived, this sweet little autistic boy picked me out of the crowd and we spent some awesome time together, making each other laugh. I just fell in love with this little boy, and it was pretty clear that he was delighted with me too (he tried to follow me to the car when I left). This little guy kinda made my Christmas.

Fancy night was everything any of us could have hoped for.

Every shopping place was a FREAKING ZOO and everyone was all up in each others personal space, and everyone was all frowny and grumbly - except for me of course. I was so delighted to be there, and to shop, and see all the lights and babies, and hear the Christmas music......

I'm sad to be back, for sure. I miss my friends already, I miss my man. At the same time, I'm glad to be home. I love Christmas in the north. I have the tackiest Christmas tree ever, and I love being surrounded by friends. I miss my family, and there are moments I wish I was with them, but I wouldn't trade my life here for anything. This year, we play rock band.

I hope you all have yourselves a merry little Christmas. I hope you have a giant turkey, and plentiful gifts. I hope you laugh to crying at least once this season. I hope you dance with someone you love. I hope you get glitter in your hair.

Merry Christmas my friends.

The Help

Allllllllmost there

2010-12-15T12:38:00.000-08:00

So it's tomorrow. I leave tomorrow. In case you were wondering, tomorrow is the day. Can you tell that I'm a little excited?? Holy butterflies Batman.

I'm excited to go shopping, that's for sure. I have a stupid amount of money put away for this trip, and really only 4 days to spend it. Think I can do it? Yeah, I don't think there's gonna be a problem. I'm very excited to see two dear friends who have moved from Iqaluit. I've made them a bunch of Christmas ornaments, and cookies, and I'm seriously looking forward to having a booze fueled night of wrapping gifts and talking.

But mostly, I'm so beyond excited about seeing my favorite man. It's been almost three weeks since we last saw each other, which sounds like nothing, until you factor in the life stuff that has happened since he's gone - final exams, work stress, friends struggling.....it's been a long month, that much is certain. Thing is, this man, he is very good to me. He is like a balm to my insanity. Thing is, I've never been this happy. I've never worked this hard before, and I never imagined trying to balance everything would be as hard as it has proven to be.....and yet, I'm happy. I wish I could put into words how happy, and how grateful I am for this happiness. There are lots of people in the world who are unhappy, who have a harder life DAILY then I could ever imagine. It's not just the man, it is a culmination of amazing people in my life that make me this happy, that I am so grateful for. I wish I could properly describe this awesome feeling.

I'm not sure if I'll be blogging while I'm gone, but I will certainly be thinking of you dear readers. I genuinely wish you all every happiness.

The Help

Holy Crap, ZERO spelling mistakes in this post!

2010-12-14T16:02:00.000-08:00

These two days are taking FOREVER. Of frigging course, cause I'm so excited about Thursday, the best day ever, the magical day I head down south. these days are going so slow, I feel like I should be adding days to the calender, not taking away.

So I'm going to tell you some of my Christmas wishes. These are wishes, they don't need to be logical.

1. Sure, sure, peace on earth, good will toward men (and women, and kids, and dogs, and goldfishes)
2. I wish I could paint
3. An awesome pair of shoes (is it asking too much to want shoes with zombies all over 'em?)
4. A disco ball and fog machine in my apartment
5. I want something pretty. Jewelry, not like, a peacock feather. Obviously.
6. The perfect red lipstick
7. Lots of sweet, sweet kisses
8. I wish that everyone I know and love a wealth of health and happiness
9. I wish that you, my dear readers, continue to read, and comment, and hopefully enjoy these words that I write.

I would wish for a cuteness parade full of puppies, but this actually happened yesterday! Honest to blog, I almost died.

The Help

Not bad, not bad at all.

2010-12-13T16:11:00.000-08:00

Since I've finished exams, I have been obnoxiously busy, but in the nerdliest way....trying to displace Martha Stewart is my ultimate goal. I'm still springing out of bed early every morning, no matter how much I want to sleep in. But! I get so much done!

Like today. I did laundry, made Christmas cookies, started on a nerdly ornament for a friend, did laundry, kept an appointment at the bank......imagine my life if I were to have a minute of free time. I would probably need to be tied down. But all this activity got me thinking about the soundtrack of my current life. Theres two songs on regular rotation in my living room dance party list, and I had the same reaction to both initially - not only did I HATE these songs, they kinda freaked me out. The first one, "Maniacs" by Hawksley Workman.....it made me mad, and I hated it so bad, I wanted to light it on fire. But then it kinda got under my skin. And then I was thinking about it all the time. Then I wanted to hear it again to see if this is what it actually sounded like. And then, I loved it. It was the same basic progression for the second song - "Bird Flu" by M.I.A. Scared the bejesus out of me, I mean this girl is a straight up freak. And now I listen to it at least a few times a week. Funny how that happens hey?

In other news, we had our staff Christmas party a few nights ago, and your friend The Help, won herself a dandy new Nikon camera. And it is a mere THREE SLEEPS til I see my darling again. Sweet kisses, how I have missed thee.

The Help

Update: My left eyeball continues to go uneaten

2010-12-08T18:34:00.000-08:00

I am sick to DEATH of talking about school, so I'm just gonna assume you all are sick of hearing about it. So, even though I have two exams left, I have already begun my Christmas.

I'm listening to a little Wyclef right now (oh, but how I love Wyclef Jean. He should feel unclean with the way I look at him sometimes), most decidedly NOT thinking about school. I'm thinking about the things I'm going to bake. Tomorrow, just a pizza (but from scratch my loves, that's right), but then Saturday, when school is actually done, I'm going to make my signature chocolate chip/butterscotch/pecan cookies. I'm going to make peanut butter cookies, possibly with Hershey's kisses in the middle - this is entirely dependent on the availability of said kisses, but I'll deal with that when the time comes.

See, I host a party every year, on Christmas Eve. It's become quite an event - I make my own nerdy Christmas singalong books, and we have us a good sing song. Sometimes with dancing. I usually spend about 3 days cooking and baking for this party, but of course, this year, I will be down south until just 2 days before, so I gotta prep early. Cause this year, this is it my friends - I will have Rock Band. Let there be rock!!!

Last year's Christmas Eve blowout lasted until 5:30 in the morning, when I kicked everyone out, as I had to be awake four hours later to make a turkey. Last year was admittedly different - we've had some dear friends move away since last Christmas, and while we're all still in touch, there is definitely a hole where these friends once stood. And last year too, we had THE INTERNATIONALS (always typed and spoken in caps, with jazz hands if at all possible).
\
Three lovely people, Stephanie, Stelios and Barbara (notice the use of names there? never happens right??) came onto us from Holland (where none of them are from) to study throat singing or drinking or something very important like that. They came here, knowing no one, and stayed with another dear friend, and thus, they were us. Jesus, the drinking. It was amazing. Amazing that everyone survived. I mean, we were basically drunk from Halloween to new years last year. The poor, poor, INTERNATIONALS had no idea what they were getting into when they took up with us...but we didn't just drink. We talked and sang, and danced, and became entwined in each others lives. I have a playlist that Stephanie put together, and this playlist has opened up a world of music to me - this playlist is so peppy and joyful and fun, it began the trend of living room dance parties in my apartment. I am grateful.

Although it's been a year, and I don't know when I'll ever see them again, they are important. We still talk about them at lunch. I still have a picture of us (laughing our asses off of course) next to my tv.

And this, this is why Christmas is awesome.

The Help

I'm sure you can hear my screams, where ever you are

2010-12-04T10:21:00.000-08:00

Holy Sweet Zombie Jesus, it keeps happening!! I write a blog, and just as I'm about to publish, the internet service goes down the shitter and I lose the whole mess. It is so frigging frustrating. It's come to the point where I'd prefer to pluck out my left eye ball and eat it, rather then continue to lose out like this. Wait a second. If I did indeed pluck out my left eye ball and eat it, I'd probably get a day off right? Excuse me, I must go find an appropriate sized spoon.

So. Less then a week. Less then a week, and I'm done school, and my boss is back in town, thus taking some of my work responsibility off of my shoulders. Thank God. While I do take a certain amount of pride in the things I've gotten done in the last few months, and the last few weeks, I'm on the verge of something here. Something involving screaming and flames, and possibly throwing spears.

I did, however, get my pretty new pretty dress yesterday, and it's so frigging beautiful, it made me want to cry. Fancy night is shaping up to be quite something.

I just gotta get through this week. Four exams, one assignment left....I was doing ok, but then me and chemistry got in a fight and broke up again. I'll figure it out, I always do.

I'm getting so drunk next weekend.

The Help

Life Happened

2010-11-28T11:56:00.000-08:00

I'm so sorry for my lengthy absence my friends, I have indeed missed you all. Life got in the way for me for the last few weeks:

School has been super extra crazy, cause we all realised last week that it's ending soon, so we have to fit everything in RIGHT NOW....I have a mere four assignments and four exams in the next two weeks. No big deal.

Yesterday was the Christmas Craft Fair. Holy God, what a state. Watching the sea of people all arrive at once was like seeing a bunch of drug dealers with a free pass arrive at a pharmacy. Frightening! But also wonderful. It's not often that the entire community comes out at once, and as mad as it was, as pressed and harried as it was, it was also awesome. It felt like Christmas began yesterday - I saw friends I haven't seen in a while, got puked on by a sweet baby girl, and made a zillion and a half dollars. And thank goodness, this craft fair money is what's paying for my much needed up coming vacation, and all of a sudden, the money is there. It is such a relief - oh, the things I do to myself. Every year, I manage to convince myself that this year, this is the one. I'm not going to sell anything, and my hard work will have gone to waste, and I'll be broke for the effort. And every year, I am delighted by the wonderful response to the fruits of my labour. I am a lucky girl.

My darling, my favorite man, left today. It was awful. I know, I know, I'm going to see him in a few weeks, but it's not the same. I've grown accustomed to his face. He rubs my stupid hurty hand when it hurts, he talks me out of my various insane delusions (you know the kind: gonna go broke at the craft fair, gonna fail all my finals, etc), he tells me everything I cook is awesome. And yes, while I am going to see him soonish (and meeting the fam, eep), it'll be quite some time after that before we are together again. Like months. And, again, yes, I know there are far worse things, but still my heart is sad today. He is my very favorite person.

On to the good news. Of the four assignments, I have two done, and the other two are half done. Not so bad. I'm going to see Harry Potter (again) tonight. I finally got started on my Christmas shopping. I am blessed with the most wonderful friends, who are holding my hand when my man can't.

The Help

High Friends in Places. Wait.

2010-11-18T18:04:00.000-08:00

I've lived in Nunavut for about 3 and a half years, and though I have applied on MANY occasions, I never got my Nunavut health card. Honestly, it wasn't something I thought about too often (til I needed it of course, then I'd go about starting the application process again). The first time I applied was December 12th, 2007. You'll note, it's 2010.

The office where you send such applications had no record of any applications on my part, let alone many. And the bit that makes it all sticky - I can't get tuition money without the health number. So I applied with vigor this time, having sent the most recent application about 6 months ago. About 2 months ago, I get my application back (Hey, I'm taking this as leaps and bounds - they're acknowledging that I'm alive!) because they need a couple other bits of information (that I have provided several times, but whatever). I send these necessary bits, and begin an email campaign. I'm trying to impress on these guys that I need this to further my career, life etc. I have never received a response to these emails.

I was beginning to get VERY concerned. I can't register for next semester without paying for this semester, and I feel like the 2nd half of first year might be vital to getting to the first half of second year. Concerned may be a bit of an understatement. I couldn't sleep, and was sick with worry.

Then I mention this to a friend, over many glasses of wine when we had that hen night. This girl is a frigging ninja! She emailed the application guys, and they immediately called me. THEY HAVE PHONES?!?! I assumed from the lack of use, that the phones were cut out in the last budget. Then this friend came over and collected my information, and half a frigging hour later, I have a health care number. She's a witch! Voodoo perhaps?

Man, does it ever pay to have friends on the inside. For my part, I'll be naming my firstborn after her, regardless of the sex.

The Help

On the Sunny side

2010-11-16T17:37:00.000-08:00

Things aren't so murky and dark now, thank goodness. Well, it's dark out, but....oh, never mind.

Date night was lovely, hen night was lovely, and holy God, the amount of wine imbibed over those two nights....I cannot confirm or deny, but I may have had a slightly drunken adventure in Ventures on Sunday night (Ventures is one of the two general/grocery stores). It was fun actually (if it did indeed happen), we spent a bunch of time playing with the neat-o toys that appear every Christmas, and like a good girl, I did NOT set off 14 dancing Santa's that played a tinny version of "Jingle Bells". The store clerk did though, and even though I did not know her, I made fun of her for it, and we had a grand laugh. Or didn't.

A month from today my pretties, a month from today, I will be on vacation. A month from right now, I will presumably have a drink in hand somewheres, without a care in the world. Just need to get through those pesky intervening 4 weeks.

School was cancelled again today. I literally haven't had a class since last Wednesday. Whereas at first, it was kind of fun, now it's getting to the point where I'm afraid I'm forgetting things. I guess I need a reassuring level of stress, or I get stressed. How's that for confusing? My poor, poor boyfriend.

Bought myself a fancy-schmancy dress today. On line of course, so I won't see it for several weeks, as it's coming from California, but buying that frivolous pretty thing lifted my heart to new heights.

This evening a good friend and I begun planning of an Iron Chef styles cook off. We are both insanely excited now, there is nothing more fun then showing off for your peeps in the kitchen, and we delight in showing off for each other. I've been feverishly clicking through this giant cookbook lovingly referred to as the interweb, and oh, my. I believe I'll be making a spicy pork tenderloin in a caramel sauce. Feel free to be jealous.

I heard from a dear friend today, one whom I'll be seeing in a month. Things are looking up.

The Help

What a week

2010-11-14T13:21:00.000-08:00

Well, at least it's not just me.

Yep, it's official, everyone has lost their marbles. And instead of bending over to pick them up, we're all sliding around in a macabre slapstick parody.

This week, misunderstandings and hurt feelings abound. Luckily, I've basically only been on the periphery, though I am not without a couple of burn marks on my heart. It really does feel like highschool without the good bits - the skinny-ness and debt free-ness. Fraught!

So I do what anyone would do. I wait it out. I hold the people who need holding, and scold the people that need scolding. I try and throw myself into my schoolwork, though it has been admittedly hard, it's hard to concentrate with so much worry for loved ones pressing on my chest.

I think I've done my share of hurting as well, though certainly not intentionally. I've been so involved in school, and work, and pushing, pushing, pushing to succeed and get it right, that I have neglected some of the people I love the most. Again, I am so blessed that most understand, most forgive. And thank God, because there have been many times that these dear friends have been the only thing keeping my head up, and my nails painted.

Tomorrow night, I'm gonna have a hen night with at least one of my girls. You can bet your sweet bippy that there's gonna be wine. Probably tears too.

Tonight, it's date night. When I get home from work tonight, the most wonderful man since my daddy is going to put his arms around me, and tell me everything is going to be alright (and offer to break legs if necessary, God bless him). Then we're going to dinner and a movie. I should probably study, but I need an infusion of real humanity, with a dash of humility. I need to not worry for one whole night.

Go tell someone how awesome they are. They need to hear it, promise.

The Help

City-wide Insanity, Part deux

2010-11-13T12:05:00.000-08:00

Cause it sounds sexier in french, non?

First of all, I wrote a giant entry yesterday, only to have the kick ass internet crap out before publishing, and because I was in that hazy space between saving and publishing, NEITHER happened. Which was awesome. Really. Awesome.

I'm not gonna try and re-live yesterday's blog, cause I don't remember a greater chunk of it, and I'm in a relatively better mood then I was yesterday anyway. It's been a weird couple of days my friends.

Those of you who know me, know that I'm I'm a horror movie fanatic - zombies in particular, but I'll take anything really, as long as it's actually scary and not a people horror. Does that make sense? No? Ok, here's the thing. Zombies aren't real, and they have no working brains, so the nasty things that they get on with don't scare me. Ghosts, ghouls, witches etc, none of them scare me (not because I doubt their existence as such, probs much more because I'm far too boring to ever have a real life frightening encounter). The horror movies that I don't like are the ones where people are the freaks, and doing other stuff to people (example those Saw movies. eeesh), and this is because it's totally believable that people are freaks, cause people are freaks.

So bearing this in mind, I went to see Paranormal Activity 2 a few nights ago. When I went to see the first one, someone told me it was the scariest thing they'd ever seen, so I obviously called them a wussy (not quite that word, but it rhymes) and said I would go see it for myself, and tell them what was what with scary stuff. I was so wrong. I actually cried, I was so scared. Kept a friend up all night cause I was too scared to go to sleep. For reals.

I was eagerly anticipating the sequel. Or first attempt, the movie was sold out. So we tried again a few nights ago, and managed to score some tickets, got our popcorn, and sat in wait. When the movie began, it played for a few minutes, then the power went out. When the lights came back on, the system needed to re-boot. This happened four times. Then we got about 45 minutes into the movie, things are starting to get good, then the power went again. This time the owner of the theatre came and told us they wouldn't be starting it up again as the entire city was without power now. Reeealllly.

My fella and I head outside, and it's frigging anarchy! Sleet is fallin sideways and landing/sticking as ice, the whole city is dark, there are cars gone off the road (some in a big way) and there aren't enough cabs to go around. When we finally did get a cab back to our very dark building we found that our phones were almost dead, with no way to re-charge them. Awesome.

On the good news angle, for some reason, all the schools (including mine) were shut down yesterday, which was like manna from figging heaven cause this gave us nursing types a few extra days to study for a dreaded exam. The weird thing is, though it was snowing, it was quite nice out.

On to the bad news. I gave up my choir yesterday. It completely broke my heart, just telling them was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. But something had to give, and I've got no give left. It's not just the exhaustion, there were a lot of factors at play, and I've got no coping mechanisms left. To my dear Choiring Squad, you have made my life. Maybe if things calm down in my work or personal life, we can start up again, but until then.....

My fella got his plane ticket this week. So, two weeks from tomorrow, he goes home. I'm really happy for him, he's been pretty home sick, and if there is anyone who is as tired as I am, it is him. He needs the break. And while I understand all of these things, I'm still sad. I will miss him dearly. I get a little hitch in my throat whenever I think about it for too long.

That is all for today my darling dears. I hope your lives are stress and insanity free. I hope you have a warm jacket.

The Help

S'Wonderful

2010-11-11T12:42:00.000-08:00

I slept in this morning, for the first time in I have no idea how long. Frigging long. And I feel like a new woman, stress levels that were reaching a dangerous high in these last few days have taken a dip. And thank goodness, cause I was getting to the stomping around, ripping shit off of walls - in an admittedly amazing Godzilla impersonation - stage.

So living in Iqaluit, sometimes, it's like living in the Hollywood high school version of reality tv, just without all the plastic surgery and bronzer. It's one of those places where everybody knows everybody, and your ex's are also your best friend's ex's and theres all kinds of overlap in friend groups and such. Which is cool except it seems like this time of year, every year, everyone is all frigging fraught. Drama! I have a theory that everyone knows whats coming (winter) so everyone loses their EVER LOVING MIND. See, it's dark out right now, and it's 3:30 in the afternoon. A week from now it'll be darker, a month from now, people reach a fever pitch of insanity. It's like your body knows that it's gonna be dark all the time, and you're subconsciously preparing to hibernate for the winter, but without the added benefit of all that sleep. It was really confusing for me, my first winter here. I was all tired all the time, but couldn't figure out why. I'd eat supper at 2 in the afternoon, and be baffled when it was 7 and I was hungry again. So my first winter, I took the attitude of, "well, it's dark out, must be time for a drink."

So why the drama? Why the lost threads of sanity? Excellent question, and frigged if I know. It's not like anyone has to work less, or get paid less, or there are less flights out or even crappier then usual selection of stuff at the grocery store. People certainly don't party less, in fact, if possible, people party more. Everything just feels a little frantic. It's probably a combination of the dark, and the knowledge that it's gonna get really fucking cold, really soon. Probably. Maybe people are just nuts, hard to say.

In other news, a startling number of people have read this little blog in the time that I've been writing, and I want to express my gratitude and sheer amazement. God love ya, every one. It's really good for my head to think that people are listening, and to all of you who have mentioned the blog to me at the grocery store, and the airport, and school - know that you make my day every time. Thank you.

My fella didn't work today, so I got an extra helping of sweet, sweet kisses. I am the luckiest.

The Help

2010-11-10T13:38:00.000-08:00

Today is going to be a little short because I realised that given the mood I'm in, and the heavy load of stress, I would do nothing but bitch anyway.

I'm trying my friends.

So what I would like to bring up - tomorrow is Remembrance Day, and we have the day off for a reason - well, you all will have the day off for a reason. Promise me you'll think about it k? I'm not saying behave as if you are at a funeral, just take a minute or ten to think about how lucky we all are. As Canadians, as humans.

The Help

Ruh-Roh

2010-11-09T12:14:00.000-08:00

Guess what I got the weekend? An xbox. Ruh-Roh indeed.

Ok well, it's kinda hilarious, it's a "gift" for "me", but I haven't actually used it, and I won't until at least Christmas (when I get Rock Band, and THEN look out), but don't worry folks, the xbox hasn't been sitting in a lonely corner collecting dust. My wonderful boyfriend has been keeping it company, keeping it entertained if you will, for the last few days playing Fallout, or Fallin or Fallover or something. I've never owned a gaming system before, and besides Rock Band, the last video game I played was super mario brothers in grade 7. And I was pretty bad at that. But Rock Band, I'm all over, like bacteria (can you tell what I've been up to lately?)

I may have been studying a bit as well. I also got myself a whiteboard over the weekend, and my fella installed it on a wall in my apartment for me.....apparently I'm like a nerd in the movies - headphones on, scribbling on/staring at a white board, muttering to myself about sciencey things. Throwing papers around like confetti when I've memorized something. If this is what the next four years are going to be like (and maybe more, but we'll talk about that later), I shake my head in pity for you all. I alternate between studying with ferocity to being a gibbering mess.......3 and a half years to go!! Whoo-hooo!!!

Good news! Just over a month til my vacation and SHOPPING (I'm gonna build a bear, yeah, you heard me). I've still got an A+ average. I got many sweet kisses today.

All in all, shit's ok.

The Help

Joseph in the garden!

2010-11-06T13:35:00.000-07:00

I saw last night, THREE different houses with Christmas lights up and blinking. What is wrong with you people?!?! Christmas lights up....Halloween candy isn't even gone yet! What are ya trying to do? Stress out normal people such as myself? Ok, maybe normal is a bit much, but good God y'all. I considered knocking on the doors of these awful awful people and offering the free service of throwing up on them.

So I survived midterms. It was touch and go for a while, I didn't think we would all make it out alive but, we did, AND I didn't even light my hair on fire. Good times. I got my marks back, and well, I did good. this is the hardest, craziest thing I've ever done, but honestly, aside from my complete lack of social life, it's really been working out. Thank goodness.

I'm a worrier, so I had all these horrible visions of losing all of my friends and being that weird lady who talks to herself on the street. Well, I am that weird lady who talks to myself on the street, but I never respond to myself, so I'm probably ok. Right?

Sorry I haven't written in so long, I've just been driven round the bend with studying and whatnot. I'll try and get back into a more regular schedule this week. In exchange for your forgiveness, I offer up a slice of deep fried awesome - www.poorlydressed.com
Be prepared to not just laugh, but stare in wonder at these people. Do you not own a mirror? Or have you somehow convinced yourself that dressing like this is acceptable? Or worse, attractive? Aaah, people are baffling.

The Help

Since it's Halloween

2010-10-31T14:44:00.000-07:00

I'll tell you my one scary story. at one point in my youth, I lived in a dirthole apartment in downtown St. John's, across from the Kirk. The Kirk is oh, we'll say Anglican, but I'm not positive, and I lived on the corner of Long's Hill and Livingston streets.

It was a second floor apartment, and needed a key to get in the main door, and a different key to get in to my apartment, and there was only one other family (ooohh, sketchy, let me tell ya) that had a key to the main door. So weird stuff went down while I lived there, first run of the mill weird stuff - the tv would turn off with no one near it, or the remote control. The dvd player would shut off, but the tv wouldn't, so there would be this sudden blaring of static. Then the cats started acting weird. The two of them would sit in front of this one bare wall and just scream. Gave me the fucking willies to tell the truth.

This is the freaky bit. There was one day i came home from work and got in the shower. This place was seriously old, and the bathroom door always stuck, you had to throw your weight into it to open it. So I was in the shower, and I could hear a man humming. I just assumed it was my boyfriend, though I did think it was strange that he didn't tell me he was home. Then the bathroom door opened and I heard something drop into the sink, something small and metal. The bathroom door closed, and again I heard a man humming. I took my time, cause I wasn't concerned at that point. But when I got out of the shower, there was no one home. There was no music on, and there were no windows open. No men lived downstairs. There was nothing in the sink, let alone something small and metallic.

I thought all of that was pretty strange, but I would just ask my bf about it whenever he got back. He came home several hours later, and had been so far out of the city, that theres no chance it could have been him. Naturally, I lost my ever loving mind.

I did some research (and I was doing a Folklore and Supernatural course at the time), and it turns out that when the Catholics came to Newfoundland back in 18whatever, they dug up all the bodies from the Anglican cemetery to bury them in a Catholic one. they stacked the bodies like cordwood on the corner of Long's Hill and Livingston, and a bunch of people caught diseases from the dead bodies and bit it in my building.

That certainly explained why the haunted hike had a stop under my window every night.

True story.
Happy Halloween!

The Help

Taken 'er easy tonight

2010-10-28T16:45:00.000-07:00

Finished my last (ish) mid-term today. It was such a hot mess, I don't even wanna talk about it, but I came out, if not unscathed, at least alive.

Tomorrow is my fella's birthday, and I swear to God, I'm more excited about it then he is. I think birthdays are important, I think it's important to recognise how glad we all are that you were borned on this very day. I love my birthday, I get all dressed up every year - a shin dig lovingly referred to as the Messy Dressy (we get dressed up, and then get right messy. RIGHT messy.) Last year, I got home two days after I left my apartment. Well, at least the pictures are hilarious. I'm not going to tell you about any of the things that I'm doing or giving him for his birthday until after, in case he reads this tonight.

So now, I wrap gifts, while listening to old Pearl Jam, and think about how very lucky I am to be on this side of the dirt after the hellish week I've had. Shit's ok man.

The Help

2010-10-27T12:26:00.000-07:00

Several of my friends have recently mentioned the fact that I never do anything anymore. It is so true. I really miss my old life sometimes. But it's midterms, and I gotta keep my average up, and beyond all of that theres days I don't have time to shower, let alone be a social butterfly. But I miss it.

I did some calculations, and it turns out that in the last 8 weeks, I've had exactly three days without either work or school. There's been lots of days with one or the other, but only three without both. IN EIGHT WEEKS. I think we should all consider ourselves lucky that I haven't lit anyone on fire (don't think I haven't thought about it, oh no, I'm just biding my time, mwahahahaha). And considering this, I'm doing pretty good you know. My grades are still good, I haven't told any idiots what idiots they are, my man is still my man......there's defiantly some downfalls though. I sat and bawled like a little girl yesterday, because I was just so tired, I couldn't comprehend the idea of getting up and giving a presentation after just finishing a midterm, and then going in to work for 8 hours. But the girls in my class rallied around me, I gave the presentation (and got 100% on it) and got in to work, acting like nothing ever happened. My fella gave me the greatest pep talk, and reminded me of how soon this vacation is coming. I am so blessed.

I would like to apologise to everyone for my disappearance, it's not a lack of love my darlings, it's a lack of hours. I'm sorry to all the people who I've not had the time to email (Miss C, my weensy lawyer friend, I love you). I want to thank the Choiring Squad for making my life.

For the love of God, go hug a nurse, they went through hell for you. And if you want your throat to go un-punched, don't tell me I look tired.

The Help

Things that go "Holy Fuck!" in the night

2010-10-24T11:30:00.000-07:00

One night last week, we were graced with a pretty awesome wind storm. I love this stuff, it reminds me of home. I was all tucked up in my living room, making jewelry, drinking wine, watching Friends, when the room started shaking. Now, I live in an apartment building, so that's a pretty impressive wind.

Then it start shaking worse. Then it sounded like, we'll say, a jet plane was flying about a foot over my apartment. I was worried that not only were my windows were gonna break, but that I was gonna die. My man and I kinda looked at each other for a minute, and I was like "you'd tell me if it was the end of the world right?" SAVE THE GUITARS!!!! And then a moment later, a giant crash, that again shook the place. My fella was all excited, and grabbed his camera to go outside. I was ready to tunnel into the earth until the end of days. So maybe our priorities are a little different.

Turns out the roof ripped up, right above my apartment, and then came crashing down on the other side of the building (thus explaining the second crash). No big deal.

And for the rest of the evening, the storm raged. It sounded like it was raging right in my bedroom, which was actually pretty cool. I slept like a baby.

There's no place like home.
The Help

And now for something completely different

2010-10-21T13:23:00.000-07:00

We had psychology class today, and our instructor brought in a speaker, a psychologist who lives and works in the neighbourhood. Dude uses HYPNOTHERAPY. I went and got hypnotized out of it, for serious!

I should say before I tell you about this, I thought up until this morning, that hypnosis was a joke. I've gone to see several entertainment style hypnotists, and I was never able to go under, cause every time I was thinking "ha ha, you're not going to make ME squawk like a chicken Chuckles", and I would always be sent back to my seat to watch everyone left on stage humiliate themselves.

You can imagine what I thought of hypnotherapy (quack, quack). But he explained a bunch of different ways that every one's minds work, and proved it over and over in these little group exercises, it was wild. And then he told us he was going to hypnotize us all. Alriiiiiiight.

So he turned on some hippie, earthy, chimy music, and started with the process. It sounded exactly like you think it would, just like in the movies. So he's leading us down, down, and all I can think is - this isn't working. Then I realised I couldn't raise my hand off of my lap. My head was tipped forward so far, I practically had my forehead on my desk. So then I decided to just frig off with the thinking and roll with it. What an experience! I remember every moment. Every time my thoughts started to run away again, I would repeat "calm and relaxed" and every time I thought this, it was like another blind being drawn, and my mind got darker. Craziness!

He told us to picture some place that makes us happy, and my first thought was my bed (a true testament to how tired I am) - my bed is my one concession to fancy house stuff, my sheets, my pillows, they are all super fancy (meaning expensive) with embroidery, and I could FEEL the embroidery against my cheek. I could feel it. And then he told us to picture someone bringing us our favorite fruit, and I could smell mangos. My mouth watered, and I tried to bite down.

He didn't try and make any of us dance around or make sweet love to our desks. A little while later, he brought us back, and he repeated over and over how we should be feeling relaxed and refreshed and happy when we woke up. When I woke up, I found I was crying - not actually crying, but tears running down my face. My eyes were all puffy like I had slept for 10 hours. I felt like I had slept for three days, and well, I kind felt like I was on drugs.

I FEEL AWESOME! Like my brain totally took his word for it, and tricked my body into thinking that I'm not tired. I don't feel even a little bit tired. I feel totally relaxed and happy, it's amazing.

Of course, I asked him to move in, but he didn't seem that into it.

Imagine feeling like this all the time? I had a midterm today, and I wasn't stressed about it, or during it. I still feel all stretchy and happy and chill.

Long story short (too late) I'm a believer.

The Help

Let's have a word

2010-10-20T14:37:00.000-07:00

We all know how I feel about idiots. No matter where you go, what you do, how much education you have, how kind you are, what God you believe or don't believe in, there's always gonna be idiots. This is something that I have resigned myself to in my few "adult" years. I hope and pray that most days I'm not one. I know that no matter how much I hope and pray, there's days, I'm an idiot.

Arrrrg, I can't even do it, I'm too tired. Stop being an idiot, and I'll try and do the same k? Teach you're kids respect. Try to stop tearing people down. Hold people accountable for their actions. Be accountable for your own actions. Remember that you ARE NOT the only person in the world, and certainly not the first to go through whatever you are going through. Be nice. Stop making gay jokes, and fat jokes and race jokes, cause even though no one is saying it out loud, you are hurting someone. Every now and again, shut your trap and have a listen to someone else's opinion. Stop buying records and movies tickets of girlfriend beaters and racists.

I'm sorry. I know I'm usually perky, and don't climb up on a soap box, but this stuff is just killing me. The kids killing themselves because of homophobia and bullying, the women being beaten into silence, the rape victims being villinized for getting drunk like everybody else, the beautiful women who hurt themselves to look like everyone else. It breaks my heart.

Maybe I'm just exhausted, so things have been hitting a little harder then usual. I promise, tomorrow, I will write something a little frothier, a little more me. Today, I'm just tired and sad, and a little ashamed of us all.

The Help

And then before you know it

2010-10-16T13:27:00.000-07:00

It'll be Christmas. Halloween was just mentioned to me, and I'm all like, chill out, it's months away. But it's actually TWO WEEKS away. Good Christ, I am ill prepared for time to be whooshing by like this. I have decided that this year, I will not be going to the Legion, as is the norm (never did I think the Royal Canadian Legion would be the pinnacle of my social existence, but there it is), for several reasons, most of which are entitled "last Halloween".

Let me set the scene for you. You pay a zillion dollars for the privilege of being a member of the Legion, and you have to swear to not be a communist, which I find hilarious and insulting at the same time. Screw you pal! I'll be a communist if I feel like it! So I refuse to pay this membershit (a typo and it stays), and non-members have to be signed in. Very exclusive right? Ugh. There is nothing more frightening then when the lights come up on a Friday night at the Legion. So I'd have to find someone to sign me in, but on Halloween, there's very rarely space for non-members - last year I waited 2 and a half hours to get in. In a blizzard. Dressed as a slutty cop.

And then when I finally got in, there was cool decorations, and lots of wild costumes, but otherwise, it was just your average Saturday night at the sleege. Well. Me and 9 of my peeps broke out the Thriller dance in the middle of it all too, but that's another story for another day.

So this year, I'm not doing it. I'm going to be part of a zombie hoard (yes, I'm doing the makeup) and I think I'm going to a friends house for festivities. I bet I'll still have a laugh......Plus! It cost about the same for a BOX of wine (I know, classy right? Wanna smell my box cutter?) as for a bottle at the legion. Discussion closed.

I totally used to be a Legion baby, so I don't when all this "growing up" happened, but I have got no time left for standing around getting trashed and trashing people. My mother must be proud.

The Help

2010-10-15T13:25:00.000-07:00

Oh Christ, it's playing. So there's this song by Peter Gabriel - who I am NOT a fan of, by the way - I think it's call The Book of Love, and it frigging kills me every time I hear it. It makes me want to cry, but in the good way. I guess, it kind of fills me up. I've listened to it a hundred million times in my life, but every time, I get goosebumps. And it just randomly came on my ipod playlist. Ooohhh, someone is getting smushied within an inch of their lives tonight.

Though I go on about how lucky I am, and how grateful for goodness, and I'm pretty vocal about lovin those whom I love, I'm not a particularly sappy person. Let me re-phrase that. I tell people how I feel about them (often), I marvel in the wonder of the world and it's works (every day). I remind myself and others to be grateful (for all of it, all of this misery and joy that we are daily bit players in). But I'd like to think that I'm still not a sappy person - I don't cry very often. Perhaps I'm delusional? Perhaps I'm a sap in hardcore clothing?I'm willing to accept this theory.

And now "Do You Realise" by the Flaming Lips is on. This is a pretty sad song disguised as a sappy love song. I get your subterfuge, you silly rock stars. My ipod is getting it right today though, hey?

I don't talk about music very often here, and I don't know why. Music is a giant, important part of my life. I play a bunch of instruments, have since I was a kid and I've been lucky enough to play with some cool groups and neat-o people. People ask all the time who my favorite singer/group is, and my response is invariably something like "what day is it today?" My favorite changes by the hour, by the minute. Today, this week, Florence and the Machine are topping my personal charts, but the Eels are playing right now, and these guys are a good time too. One of my favorite things about music is one minute I'm ready to cry with happiness, the next I'm ready to throttle face-first into a mosh pit.

But now my friends, now is time to dance! M.I.A. it is!

Happy Friday. I hope you get laid tonight.

The Help

Well that's a first

2010-10-14T14:24:00.000-07:00

I slept through my alarm today, missed the first half an hour of my psychology class. Un-freaking-believable, I'm usually so reliable, and maybe a touch anal (do not confirm or deny - keep me happy please), so of course I gave myself a heaping helping of guilt over it, but that doesn't really accomplish much does it? I think the school/work balance is starting to become unbalanced. I will try not to complain too much, but I am so fucking tired, I don't know which way is up. The silver lining of this exhaustion is, everything is hysterically funny.

Well, not everything. I almost smacked someone today who complained about having to work for three hours over the weekend, which is not very nice, nor funny.

This dump fire is AWESOME non? Good God, it smells like, well, nasty shit burning. The air is like a solid, everything reeks, schools are being closed and everyone is headachy and pissed off. And apparently this daily dumping of toxic chemicals into our lovely clean, crisp air is going to last for months and months. Sorry, to those who don't know what I'm talking about - the dump here in Iqaluit has been burning for several weeks. We're the live action version of the Simpsons, I swear to God. If i see someone rolling away a burning tire, I'm buying a plane ticket somewhere far, far away. I don't know how the fire started, and furthermore, I don't care, I just want it to stop. Now don't be getting all snappy with me - my peeps over at the fire department have done everything they can and then some, it's too big, too much, and that's not their fault.

My last complaint, honest. I tried to make an order from Chapters today, and they have this sweet new deal where the shipping is free for orders over $25. Wonderful. Except the thing I wanted (a crazy little r/c spider thingy for my man for his birthday - I had this image of getting a bunch of them and having a battle royale in my kitchen), but said little spider is not covered under the free shipping rules (obviously) and would cost $40 to send here. What the WHAT?? Miserable sons of.....mutter, mutter......stupid....mutter...jerks. Keep your damn spider, I don't need a battle royale anyways. Huh.

Ok, ok, good news. I've gotten four paper/assignments back, and my average is wicked high. Yay! Choir is going really well. Two months and two days til I get to go SHOPPING and see my darling K (you know who you are my dear).

I got many sweet kisses today. I got to further understand the miricle that is our working bodies. I say it all the time in class - but it really is a wonder, us humans. The stuff we do every day without thinking about it. We are all fragile and perfect, and it's amazing that we have all survived this long. We are all so lucky.

The Help

My theme song

2010-10-08T18:45:00.000-07:00

It's by Buck Cherry, and thats all I'm gonna say about that.

I found out today that I have Sunday AND Monday off. Both school AND work. Like seriously, I think I'm just gonna spend those two days wasted. I deserve it right? And further to that, my fella has the SAME two days off. We have never had two days off together before. Either we shall have the best time ever, or we'll end up killing each other. I am now accepting bets as to which it's gonna be (odds heavily in favor of most wonderful, most epic two days ever).

Not really folks, swears. Oh, I'm gonna get drunk, for shizz, but I'll have sober moments in between. Just cause I have a few days off, doesn't mean I can stop studying....I'm already shocked and slightly alarmed at how much I've forgotten so far this semester. But I won't moan about school today, as my average is offensively high right now.

Plus, choir night Monday. How I delight in choir, it makes me so happy. You should hear the mash up we've got cooking at the moment, y'all are gonna die if you ever hear it. I'm not going to give anything away, suffice it to say, we do a great deal of stuff that we probably shouldn't. Alright a little teaser - Led Zepplin is involved in one half of the mash up. Squeeee!!!

Very recently, and good friend's lady friend moved to town, and I can't tell you how this has changed things for me. Up until now, I was forever the lone taco at every sausage fest. I don't know who I felt worse for - all the sausage's, cause I was their only eye candy (MY EYES MY EYES!! THEY BURN!!!!), or the fact that I haven't had a lady friend to shake my head and say "dudes" with when the dudes were acting like dudes. No longer my friends - my darling miss, you know who you are, I am thankful for your arrival.

Other things I am thankful for: Jack Daniels, snow days, Rock Band, beads, new shower heads (heh, perv), the Beatles, sharp cheddar cheese, Dave Chapelle, jello shooters, BACON, Friday nights.

The Help

Still love me?

2010-10-06T16:56:00.000-07:00

So I've gotten many, many messages in the last 24 hours that say basically the same thing - "Thanks for letting me know about that website, and if we never see each other again you know why. And my husband/wife hates you forever." Did I not tell you the truth dear readers?

I've been thinking about thanksgiving a fair amount, as it is coming up this weekend, and it is my first thanksgiving that I am not cooking for what seems like 100 people. I'm cooking for 2, and man, am I ever excited. I'm going to be the very definition of lazy this Sunday. Turkey in oven, feet on table. Wicked.

Some of the things I'm thankful for: school, my man, Chuck Norris, passion flakies, raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, me ma 'n pa, hummus, pink $50 bills, guitars, snow days, 30 Rock, my wonderful and loyal readers, Glee, my blackberry, the friends who say "of course" whenever I propose a crazy scheme that usually involves copious amounts of alcohol and humiliation, George Romero, The Dwarves, living room dance parties, days when no one pees on my steps, coffee, idiots (cause who would I make fun of without them?), Veronica Mars, sweet sweet kisses, my choir, my kick ass sister, Betty White, my chesticles.

I'm sure theres more, but that's all I can think of right now without getting all smushy on you.
I am thankful for every one of you my friends.

The Help

Danger!

2010-10-05T16:15:00.000-07:00

Ok, we're gonna approach this slow and quiet - ever heard of www.stumbleupon.com? It's today's slice of fried awesome, and the danger is, unless you've got days and days to waste, you are screwed forever if you go on this site. It's so freaking fun! I was innocently reading texts from last night, and one of the texts mentioned it, so I decided to check it out. Three days later, I emerged, parched, starving, wrist forever ruined from all the clicking. Ok, I'm exaggerating a little, but you get the picture I'm sure. This is how it works: you sign up, tell 'em some stuff that you like, and hit stumble, and the neatest frigging stuff in the world pops up. Serious face, it's such a good time, don't do it unless you've got major time to kill.

In other news, my most awesome instructor gave us lots of extra help in chemistry, and I'm not nearly so screwed. I have four assignments due in the next two weeks, but I handed 'em all in today so I can spend the next two weeks prepping for the chemistry midterm. And because I'm a geek. I got my first assignment back today. It went very, very well.

In other news, I haven't been yelled at in DAYS. And I got many sweet kisses today.

Did you know that this weekend is Thanksgiving? I could hear you clench up just now, heh.

The Help

My day, so far.

2010-10-03T10:02:00.000-07:00

So I woke up to go to work this morning, and the power was out. Fine. I didn't take a shower, cause I didn't want to die in the black hole that is my unlit bathroom.

I get in to work, get yelled at cause of the front door. No power.

I open the office, even though the phone doesn't work, and I'm sitting in a dark office by myself.

All the alarms that go off when the power goes out are buzzing to let me know over and over that the power is out. At least they're doing their job.

I create awesome percussion pieces on my desk, using the ticking of the clock as my back beat.

I get yelled at for the power being out (obviously I work for the power company too).

I get asked 416 times when the power will be back on (again, I don't work at the power company).

I get yelled at because restaurants in the city aren't open (cause I run all the restaurants as well). In the restaurants defense - it's extremely difficult to COOK WITHOUT POWER.

Unconnected to the power being out, I got yelled at because cabs charge people money for driving them places. I wish I was making this up.

And then, after almost three hours of alternately sitting in the dark and getting yelled at, the power came back on. Oh darling power, how I missed you.

These people would all be screwed if it were the zompocolypse.

The Help

You win this round chemistry

2010-09-30T17:09:00.000-07:00

Yep, another posting about chemistry. I do apologise, but I'm getting my ass kicked over here - I actually chucked my text book at a wall in a fit of frustration (and maturity, obviously) earlier. Then I felt bad, stood over it for a minute, only considered lighting it on fire, then picked it up and started again. To no avail I must add. I'm still completely stumped - this is like trying to put together an entertainment center with the instructions in Japanese. And as I have an assignment due Monday, and the midterm the in two weeks, I've broken a sweat. A concerned sweat. Someone commented a few days ago that I won't actually be breaking down the equations for ionic bonding when I'm a nurse (thanks for commenting by the way, I eat this stuff up), which is true and AWESOME, the sad truth is to be allowed to be a nurse I gotta pass this course.

The good stuff - it's already Thursday. Can't even believe it, this week left scorch marks, it's flown by so quickly. I found out today that no matter what the student handbook says, I'm going to be allowed to write my exams in such a time frame that I can go visit my fella and friends in December. That's pretty giant my peeps, pretty giant indeed. Oh, there's gonna be shopping. My main lady friend is going to do the girly stuff shopping with me so I don't have to subject my fave man to all that boredom. The M.A.C. store should be prepared (and maybe a little scared) for my visit. I may move in. Do they allow drinking in malls? Whatever, try 'n stop me.

Not one person pissed on my steps today. I may have a glass of champagne to celebrate.
You know what else? I got many sweet kisses today.

The Help

2010-09-29T17:13:00.000-07:00

I just had another one of those "where the hell do I live?!?" moments - I had to ask a woman to stop peeing on the ground at the bottom of the steps at my place of work. I was even polite to begin with, but then (sigh, yes, mid-stream), she told me it was my own fault for not letting her into my building to defile one of our lovely washrooms. Of course, she was not that articulate, this is much more accurate: "Ipeeoutdoors, you donletme in. Fuck you bitch!" The fuck you part is always very clear. Again I say onto you, sigh.

In other news, I was starting to feel the slight pull toward sheer panic earlier today, because of the things I don't know for school. But a little pep talk from my man, and a block of four serious hours of study later, and I feel way better about things. Can't panic. Not yet anyway. Heh.

I forgot to bring my copy of the idiots guide today, so I'm going to post an essay that I wrote about a year ago, and though it's a serious piece, don't think that I'm sad. This is probably my proudest thing, this essay, so I didn't want it to disappear in the vacuum that is the world wide web. Before I post it however, some good things - I have a choir. We had a rehearsal on Monday, and my god, these people! I'm so proud and happy....I forget about school and work and people pissing on steps. This choir makes me burst with pleasure (in the non-perv way, ya perv). We began working on a Zepplin tune this week. Yeah, you heard me.

I got lots of solid work done today. I got many sweet kisses.
And now, the essay......

Fat

If you are looking for a heartwarming story of a fat girl who came into her own, and has the happy ending - finding the man, losing the weight and somewhere along the line learns some valuable life lessons: stop reading. This story is not for you. I learned a large (pardon the pun) part of my life lessons young, the hard way, where all hits were below the belt.

I have always been fat. In varying degrees, fat has always found me. I joke that the only time I was thin was the day I was born, and I got over that pretty quickly. I have done the diets, eaten the blessed soup three meals a day. I have almost accepted a lifetime of cautionary tales, suggestions, helpful advice, dieting tips, exercise regimens and self help books. Maybe the problem is my self esteem, a fear of failure or abandonment, or some other psychological failing attributed to being overweight. Maybe, just maybe, there is no one or no person to blame – maybe I just like food.

I used to fantasize about living in the “olden times”. The time when the only junk food available was an orange in your Christmas stocking and maple syrup from the tree in the yard. You ate what was put in front of you, because that was the only option. Now, as an adult, I know that I would have stuck my head straight under that maple spout, right in the tree, and gotten fat anyhow. There is a kind of relief that comes with knowing, no matter what the circumstances, I would have ended up the way I am.

So I guess the big question is this; is there really anything wrong with me? I have a good life. I work too much, I have money, a multitude of friends and family who love me. I’m interested and interesting and creative. I’m smart. I can read a book and understand it’s meaning without anyone explaining it to me. I can watch a movie and laugh out loud at the jokes, even the heavily disguised ones. I was lucky enough to be born Canadian, which comes with global respect and an almost complete lack of war and need. Yes, I was seriously mocked as a child. Yes, I have horrible memories – I can never think of Inspector Gadget with fondness as that was a name that followed me around for years (remember how Inspector Gadget could pull a button and his jacket would puff up so he could float away? That’s how fat I was. I never once floated away). I’ve had people I once respected tell me I’m ugly, or worse, tell me I would be pretty if I only lost some weight. I had a boyfriend once wish that I was “hotter”, and the sad ending to that tale is that I did not dump his sorry ass, I cried, pretended like it didn’t matter, and stayed with him for another two years. This is the burden of the young fat girl. Staying with, staying sad because it’s better than being alone.

Of course since all of this, I have learned that the people who make fun, the people who call names, they do this because there is something missing in their own lives. It’s not really their fault, and I’ll bet that every person who called me Inspector Gadget would feel terrible about it now, if they even remembered. It’s big to me, in my head, because it happened to me. Children have no idea the lifetimes of hurt they caused, until it is far too late, and the idea is stuck in your head forever. I don’t blame those people anymore. I also learned that it is not my parents fault (and it’s not your parent’s fault either, unless they were cruel or abusive). Our parents, they all did the best that they could, all the while trying to be an adult and get past the neurosis that THEIR parents handed down to them. There was no turning point, no “a-ha!” moment. I just stopped being mad, stopped being hurt and stopped holding onto blame, and you’ll notice, I did not lose the weight. I guess the realization that we’ve all had a hard time somewhere along the road, the knowledge that everyone has a terrible story, something holding them back, makes me feel sorry and strong, all at the same time. Being human is hard.

I was convinced for a long time (because, man, it’s been a long time) that I would never meet anyone and I would eventually die alone, only to have my evil cat do his best to devour my corpse. But if you think about it, if I think about it, that’s kind of silly isn’t it? See, as mentioned earlier, I’ve got a lot of good things going for me, and if my belly is going to get in the way of love, my fat ass is going to prevent any and all future happiness, then I’m meeting the wrong kind of man. Of course I will meet someone. He probably won’t be prince charming, but who are we kidding, I’m certainly not Cinderella. I used to think “who could possibly want me” with the cellulite, rolls and penchant for salty things. Now I think, “what is wrong with those fools who don’t want me?” Fat is a word, a dirty word. It is not me.

I used to get jealous of the girls who lost weight, my sister, my best friend. Now though, now I can be content to be happy for them. They are not better than me because they lost weight – but maybe they are better for being good to themselves. I used to feel strange about eating in front of certain people, cause we all know, people are a bunch of judgers, and most people are probably smart enough to figure out that I like food, just from looking.

My most recent lesson is that thin does not equal happy. One of the most beautiful women I have ever seen, thin and married. Not happy. It was quite a shock. Another lesson learned is that men like me anyway, regardless of my rolls. Some say it’s the confidence (I gave up caring a while ago, and I guess it shows), some say it’s the laughs. May I suggest that it’s the above, plus the boobs?
I am not writing this to tell you my life story (though it certainly seems that way right now). This began as a story, I wanted to write some fiction for you, that revolved around someone very much like myself who ended up happy, even without the man, and without losing the weight. I hate those stories that start with an unhappy fat girl who emerges a (thin) butterfly who didn’t know her own power until she was tested, dieted and cosseted. And what I have come to is, I don’t have any fiction to tell you. I am happy, without the man, without losing the weight. Weird, huh?

The Help

The first bump in the road

2010-09-28T17:09:00.000-07:00

It's a pretty big one, as far as bumps go. Yeah, that would be chemistry. I'm kinda guessing, as a nurse, I will need to get a handle on this chemistry stuff, but right now, I have to concentrate on not muttering "I'm screwed, I'm screwed" whenever I consider my chemistry book. This is quite a task, talking myself out of being scared shitless, but the I'm screwed mantra is not a particularly positive thing to have buzzing around in my head now is it? So right now I do drive by styles studying. I do a chunk of notes, tackle some equations (wherein the trouble lies) and then do something fun. Like shove flaming bamboo shoots under my fingernails.

I had a kick ass weekend, so it was doubly hard to get my head back in the game this week. That fundraiser I mentioned? Raised over a grand for an awesome cause, and the winning participant got $600 of that all on her lonesome. I don't do names in this here blog, but if I did, this clearly kick ass rocker chick would be the first and only. And man, am I ever glad she's on my side.

Besides that, my favorite man took me to super fancy supper at a super fancy restaurant (I wore a dress - both my dress and my cleavage were extremely popular), and then we had a hotel room, where a great deal of none of your business went on, but there was also CABLE. I stayed up half the night watching the food network. This is not a euphemism, I watched the food network. Every now and again, he would say "can we watch something else now?" and I would try not to sigh, and say of course. But he is such a good guy, he never did make me change the channel. Am I the luckiest?? I think so.

Ok, ok back to chemistry. I'm listening to the Beastie Boys while I study.....when was the last time you listened to the Beastie Boys? Look into it, these guys are unstoppable.

The Help

Friday, how I missed you

2010-09-24T15:38:00.000-07:00

I can't sleep. This has been a life long, or at least adult life, problem for me. Most of the time it's ok, most of the time it's just one of those things, I'm used to running on way less sleep then most people. I must admit, it's been way worse since I've moved to the north. The problem is once I actually get to sleep, which in itself is a pain in the ass, I wake up really easily. And because I live in "downtown" Iqaluit, I'm inundated with crazies. Whistlers aside, theres generally lots of banging, rock throwing, quads and snowmobiles, and each of these wake me up. Don't even get me started on the drunken brawls and screaming matches. Lets just say that if I ever wanted to write a soap opera, I'd have lots of dialogue fodder.

Alright, alright, enough of my moaning. So, again, with my excess of spare time, I have put together and am hosting a fundraising event tomorrow night. It's a pub crawl/scavenger hunt to raise money for the Run for the Cure (and may I say, Yay Boobies!), and last year was kind of nuts. Almost got myself thrown out of the Legion nuts. I'm anticipating another round of boozy insanity, and I've put a lot of work into it, but here's the hilarious part - turns out I can't go. Well, I can go eventually, but I will miss the event itself. And the even crazier part is - I'm oddly ok with it. I took on too much, and I'm positively DAUNTED by the idea of having to go out. Not just go out, but run the show.

It's always the same people who run these things. The same people who run the PTA, and organize the bake sales and show up for committees and town meetings. And while most of these people enjoy being busy, and maybe even have a touch of control freak in them (I'm not saying anything about the actual control freaks and the scary moms who put their kids in pageants), they do this stuff because it needs to get done, and because they genuinely want to help, and they want do good things for their community. The point is (see? I have a point), a lot of these people are like me - they have a very hard time saying no. So I'm asking, on behalf of all of those people you always see taking care of these things, take it easy. Take no for an answer. Keep the guilt trips to yourself. Lend a hand.

And for me, and for the people like me, I must learn to say no. Anyone who judges me or holds it against me is a jackass. Next year, I'm just going to donate some money.

The Help

Sounds like a slice of fried awesome, doesn't it?

2010-09-22T14:01:00.000-07:00

So it turns out that desperately wishing for more hours in every day doesn't work. I've been positive thinking the SHIT out of this wish (cause of The Secret yo), but still, more hours have not arrived. My bestie said something to me today that I'm pretty sure I've never heard in my life. I mentioned how I hadn't seen him in ages, and he replied it's because I don't go out anymore. And I couldn't argue his logic, I don't go out anymore. Let me re-phrase - I don't go out for fun stuff anymore. How quickly it all changes hey? This time last year, I was partying at least twice a week. Partying hard too, none of this standing on the side lines business for me. This time last year, I was the consummate single girl in the city. I don't know how I did it, cause this time last year, I was working three jobs.....AM I CRAZY?!? Possibly.

I like to keep busy, I always have. so every moment of my down time is taken, and honestly I feel guilty if I'm not up to something all the time. I have no idea why, it's just one of those things. I'd like to think that the constant busyness would keep me out of trouble, but do not be fooled dear readers. I just get in trouble in shorter spurts now.

Remember how excited I was to have last Sunday off cause I work every Sunday and etc? Well, it didn't actually happen, but my boss promises that I have this Sunday and each Sunday on off.....which of course leads to the major question - what will I do with this whole day of free time? No work and no school. It's almost unimaginable. I have to move choir night, and in all honesty, I'm feeling really selfish because I absolutely do not want to do it on Sundays, my one free day. Is that awful? I don't actually want to know the answer there, I'm still not gonna have practises on Sundays.

I've got big plans for Sunday. I'm gonna sleep in. I'm gonna cook, and eat. Maybe go for walks. Drink hot chocolate. Maybe write, maybe study, maybe make jewelry, make music, make love. I'm going to cling to every moment of my beautiful day with a talon-like grip, cause you know it's be over in a flash. The best guy ever is making me breakfast this Sunday. Once again I say - I am the luckiest.

Now all I gotta do is make it to Sunday.

The Help

I wish I may....

2010-09-19T12:16:00.000-07:00

Man, do I ever want to go shopping. I went to this rummage/housewares/crafts kind of sale yesterday at the highschool. It was a complete frigging gong show - and it was nothing compared to what the big Christmas craft fair is like every year.

Picture it this way - we have 2 general stores here, so everything else gets bought on line or on trips down south. Once a year there is a Christmas craft sale, like a month before Christmas. I've always gone as a seller, not as a customer, but try and imagine....oh, hell. It's a living nightmare. Theres a line up to get in for at least an hour before, cause theres no other time to go Christmas shopping. The sellers like myself arrive several hours early to set up, and to shop among ourselves, and then they open the doors. There's this mad rush of frenzied people with fist fulls of cash. It's like when the cabbage patch kids came out. Genuinely frightening, and thank goodness I'm on the other side of the table. Complete madness, and I love every minute of it.

In other news, I went to a party last night. One of my closest friend's lady friend moved to town this week. There was drinking, my yes. She brought me a bottle of Absalut pear, and I brought a bottle of sour puss. It didn't take too long for those to get mixed. What a mess.....apparently after the bottle was gone, several people tried to wash the paper plates. Heh.

May your Sunday evening be filled with hot chocolate and lovin'.

The Help

Once again, Baffled.

2010-09-15T14:11:00.000-07:00

We all know by now that I'm the help, you may even know that I work in a hotel. I've been on this side of the desk several times, in different provinces, but I must admit, I've never seen anything anywhere that compares to what I see here daily. I mean, I'm used to being a bouncer, a mother, a tour guide, and general fix-it for complete strangers, but good god.

Case in point: the city is full right now. Like super duper full, people offering money to sleep on the couch in the lobby, full. And it will be like this for several more weeks. The thing that boggles my mind today is this - I've had to tell 3 separate people that no, I do not have any space tonight. Which in itself isn't such a big deal, except that each of these people has countered with "I don't have anywhere to go, what should I do?" I mean, shit. That's a pretty rotten position to be in, but what am I supposed to do? Kick other people (note: people WITH reservations) out? Call in the by's to build on a few extra rooms in the next couple of minutes? This is not Toronto, this is not even St. John's. There aren't a lot of options, and perhaps this is something one should think about before, oh I don't know, GETTING ON A PLANE TO THE ARCTIC?? And then to show up and verbally shit on someone who is in no way responsible for how you run your shit.....I don't know man. I believe some growing up is in order.

Anyway, I shall quit my bitching for now. I found out today that I have Sunday off this week. Which means a full day without work OR school, and it is the same one day that my fella has off this week as well. It's like my birthday and Christmas rolled into one! It's the little things folks - and coming from someone who has basically worked every Sunday for the last three years, this is an awesome treat. I believe I'm gonna have me some drinks on Saturday night (every time I've ever typed Saturday night, I get the song Saturday Night by Ned's Atomic Dustbin stuck in my head).

I still love school. I got many sweet kisses today. I am the luckiest.

The Help

It shocked the hell out of me too

2010-09-14T14:12:00.000-07:00

I've always been a pretty good student. And sadly for my prior academic career, I didn't have to try very hard to be a good student. And I was ok with that, I was still achieving things, still getting things done. But never before have I had such a desire to do well in school. Never before have I been excited to study, and to learn things, this feels AWESOME!! I think this is what people must feel like when they've found their thing, their calling. I'm not claiming that I've heard from God or anything, don't worry, I haven't reached that level of nuts (yet), but I do feel like this nursing this is what I was supposed to be doing all along.

Like, honestly, I couldn't ask for much more without being greedy. I have a good job, that I'm good at and allows me to work while going to school. I'm doing a program that I have completely fallen in love with and that if I get right, totally ensures my future career. I have this awesome boyfriend who is genuinely good people, gainfully employed, and completely behind me, no matter what I do. I think I could decide to go to clown school and he'd cheer me on. Probably honk my red rubber nose.

Don't get me wrong guys, things ain't perfect. My apartment is basically always a mess. My social life is pretty much non-existent, and I'm tired all the time. But it's a very accomplished tired, well deserved fatigue. I realise too that I'm only in week 2, so the real stress hasn't begun as such, and I know there will be times that I want to crawl into a hole, but my greatest hope is that when I do feel like disappearing, I'll remember how good I feel right now. Our instructors want us to succeed- they won't let me give up. In particular, my anatomy and chemistry instructor - he is possibly the best teacher I've ever had. He's farking hilarious, and he makes it easy to engage, and he makes you want to love this stuff as much as he clearly does.

Sigh, I'm a pretty happy chappy. I love that people read this. I expected to have one or two readers (what up Uncle Gerry!) and have this as an outlet, and it has turned into something that I care very much about. It makes me so happy that people have been reading, and participating. One woman told me that she has basically spent all of her free time on www.textsfromlastnight.com, laughing her ass off, and she heard about it here. AAAHHHHHHH!! What more could a blogger ask? A partridge in a pear tree??

For your entertainment today, I bring you www.peopleofwalmart.com. there are a zillion sites out there, putting people's shame on display, but never have I ever seen such amazingness. Try to keep in mind as you look at these pictures, they were all taken IN PUBLIC. Just do it, it'll make your day.

So for today my friends, I have work to do. As always, you are a delight, every one of ya's.

The Help

One of Each!

2010-09-12T14:25:00.000-07:00

I have the next two days off (yay!), well, I just have school and choir, no work. I won't be around much in the next few days, so today's slice of awesome .....well, I'm already singing along.

I think I'm gonna make an apple pie tonight, and that may be my only accomplishment. Well, I've studied quite a lot in my "free time" these last few days, I gotta get my er, chef's legs back? Whats the kitchen equivalent to sea legs? Is there such a thing? Well there is now, I'm getting my chef's legs back, even just for one night, as tomorrow brings the return of school, and my first chemistry class (dun dun duuuuuuuun).

So for today's slice of deep fried awesome, it is Jenny Gear's cd. Without fail, no matter where I am, or what kind of day I've had, this cd makes me so happy. She has one of those voices, and this cd is a crazy mix of a bunch of different styles of music, and I think that's pretty awesome. The first song on the cd is written by a friend Amelia Curran, and it's probably one of my favorite tracks ever. Jenny Gear and her Whiskey Kittens. I can sing along to almost everything, I've listened to it so often, and I have yet to be anything but delighted whenever I hear it.

Let me know if you want me to save you a slice o' pie.

The Help

Today is Just a Slice

2010-09-11T11:31:00.000-07:00

I'm not having a very good day today. Theres no good reason, nothing happened, or didn't happen. I even got to sleep in a little, but I guess no matter how up beat someone (me) is, every day can't be awesome. There's gonna be down days, and that's just the way the cards are dealt sometimes. I really wish I could go shopping. A little eyeshadow purchase would do me a world of good I suspect. And even though I'm not having a great day, even though I feel like soggy crap, I know that this too shall pass, it always does, and in all honesty, it's been such a long time that I've truly been in a bad mood, I gotta accept my down day with a little hint of gratitude. Imagine how exhausting it would be to hang out with someone who's always on, who's always chipper and frigging delightful. Like a cross between Robin Williams and Kenneth from 30 Rock. Ugggh.

So lets talk about something else. I survived my first week of classes, which is pretty awesome. I was most concerned about anatomy, but as it turns out, it's my favorite class so far. There may be things to complain about in the north, but the secondary schooling has blown my mind. There are 8 people in my class. If I were down south, it's much more likely that there would be 80 people in my class, if not more. There is defiantly something to be said for small classes. The instructors don't talk to us like children, they talk to us like the actually give a rats ass about how we are doing scholastically. It's quite a nice change.....a perfect example: I've decided to re-do my psychology course. The first time I did it, there was, I believe 1200 people in my class - three rooms with 400 students. The professor was on a screen, broadcast from a different building. I never actually met the man. Obviously, I'm going to achieve way more when the instructor speaks to me, knows my name, makes eye contact, and doesn't mind repeating things when I lag behind. Also, the whole text book scenario is amazing. Books cost $200 per semester for every student. I'm pretty sure my chemistry book alone is worth $200.

And it seems that whistling practise was suspended last night which was a real treat for me. I shall explain. Every. Single. Fucking. Night. A bunch of kids gather across the street from my building, and practise driving me up the wall with whistling. To their credit, they are getting much better, and their repertoire is much bigger then it used to be - they've progressed from the "you're sexy" whistle (you know which one I'm talking about, it's the same everywhere in the world) to bird sounds. Well, spawn of Satan bird sounds, but bird sounds never the less. And this, this whistling is a great improvement from what it used to be as well. They would run around "singing" (meaning shouting in unison) something that sounded very much like an Irish drinking song, and the last line (the only decipherable line) was always "fight like hell!" Try to imagine, if you will, a group of 15 ten years olds marching around Irish Drinking Songing (sort of like caroling). When I've had visitors, and they hear this singing and/or whistling, they always ask me why I don't tell them to shut up. The reasons are threefold: 1. I can't be bothered. Laziness, my yes. 2. At least they're singing and whistling, not doing drugs or beating up the place and 3. They are entertaining as hell. It could be way worse.

I'll put in another idiot segment tomorrow, but for now, I've got homework to do. Phospholipids, yes!

The Help

You'll never believe what I've gone and done now.

2010-09-10T13:31:00.000-07:00

So you know how I'm going to nursing school right? I'll be trucking along, writing notes, or studying or drinking coffee or shaving my legs, like not thinking about anything really, and then it'll hit me out of the blue - holy fuck, I'm gonna be a nurse. Like when I'm done with the classes, when the last bell rings (no, there's not actually a bell, I'm going for some imagery here people), people are going to depend on me. People are going to put their health in my hands. This thought doesn't scare me as such, it does weigh me down however (and that's not necessarily a bad thing). It forces me to do well. I don't want to be the person who barely passed, I want to be awesome. Christ. Ok, maybe it scares me a little.

And what pray tell have I gone and done? Two things really - I've already done a few psychology courses in university, and I had the option of skipping the first psychology this year. I decided to do it anyway. My mark was ok at best, and I was 17 when I did it. Crazy? Or trying to get this right? And, the other thing - I signed up for student council, because obviously, the full time job, full time NURSING school, the choir, the beading, and spending time with the best guy ever was not enough. I mean, there's keeping busy, and there's me. Gonzo. But I think it's gonna be ok. I'll do what I can til I can't anymore.

I was going to put in another segment of the idiot series today, but I realised I haven't done a daily slice in a while. So today's slice of deep fried awesome - http://www.dlisted.com/. This is another gossip blog, but the writer, Michael K is pretty musch the opposite of Lainey. He is disgusting, and I love it. So again, not for the faint of heart, the homophobic or my mom, but shit is he ever funny. Funny!

Kisses!
The Help

Only Six Hours to Go

2010-09-07T14:09:00.000-07:00

It has been quite a day my friends. I've been up since, oh I don't know, really fucking early, and today has been an excellent indicator of what kind of semester I'm gonna have (meaning: complete insanity). BUT! The good news - I finally got my schedule today (an hour after school started, hilarious. I thought of you my friends, I was writing this here post in my head as I was sitting there) and I got the first of my GIANT nursing text books. Further good news, my boss was able to work with my school schedule. Right? Could things get any better? Of course! Cause I have tomorrow and Thursday off of work, so I only have school and choir for the next two days, it's practically a vacation. There's gonna be baths. There might even be some vino, oh yes.

I cannot stress enough, how very exciting it is for me that I never have to go to karaoke again. Ok, my best friend is the host, so I'll probably show my face someday, but never again will I host. It's probably for the best, I was becoming emotionally unruly (ha! that is such a polite way of saying how I was feeling). So for my friend Matthew, who deals with this business so much better then I do, I dedicate this next segment of the idiots guide.

How to Go to Karaoke (Part 11)

Some say that hosting karaoke is not a job, but it's on my resume, and I had to show up every week for those two long years. Just because I was allowed to drink during....what anyone in the hosting position will tell you, you HAVE to drink to tolerate the goings on that go on at karaoke.

No, no one is going to force you to sing. If your friends are the type to force you, don't act all surprised when they write down your name. You know your friends. The host really doesn't give a shit if you want to sing or not, and they definitely don't want to waste any time trying to talk you into it.
Oddly, the host does not know all the numbers (song numbers, cd numbers) that coincide with every song. I LOVE it when people write down just the song name. LOVE IT! Oh yeah, there are only 12000 songs to pick from, but no no, I'm the one not doing my job if I don't know them off by heart. Pull it together!
"You don't have the song I want!" (so much better is said in a whiny voice, and throw in a foot stomp for good measure). You are right. There are lots of songs I don't have - grow up and fuck off. If you can't find one song in 12000 that you want to sing, you are clearly not the sharpest knife in the drawer, and don't deserve the adulation that comes with being a karaoke star.
Believe it or not, the host does have an order. There is a method to the madness, even if you can't devine that method in your drunken stupor. The person who asks every few minutes, the person who insists on being a dick about it, these are the people who's selection magically disappears. Opps.
There is no heckling at karaoke! It's really hard to be on the business side of a mic, and some people are totally pushing their personal boundaries to do it, so keep that in mind the next time you hear a bad singer. It's FUN. Remember fun?
If you don't sing, you don't get a vote. About song selection, priority singers....shit, even if you do sing you don't get a vote. Shut your trap and play nice.
The whole thing goes a lot easier for all concerned if you just have another drink.
It's a very rare instance that being friends with the host bumps you up in line. Any person that has to ask - we aren't that kind of friends. You stay in line.
It is very bad form to pick a song and then refuse to do it, or worse, do part of the song and walk away. You don't get two chances with me, I have a VERY long memory.
Singers, keep in mind that no one is expecting professionals. It's karaoke, chances are you're going to be ok at best. Have fun, throw in some dance moves, sing it like you mean it! Is that so much to ask?
It's a good rule to sing songs that you have actually heard before. And if you have overestimated your knowledge of a song, you go all William Shatner on their asses. Works every time.
As with hotels, and retail, it's the karaoke host's JOB to be an approachable party starter. This is not an invitation. i was once bitten on the leg mid-song by a really smart drunk who thought I was askin for it. I did not junk punch him in his man business, but I certainly considered it as I got him kicked out of the bar.

The last piece of info - and I admit, this could just be me - could you stop with the kill yourself music? Just notice what happens to the room when someone does the slow sad stuff....the party stops. People go smoke. It's supposed to be a party, not a showcase. Yes, yes, you're a freaking singing genius, good for you. Sing something fun. That is all. Except of course, be nice to the host, and to the other karaoke patrons. Don't be an idiot.

Are we sensing a theme here folks?
Thank you to everyone for their well wishes. You people, my dear readers, you are the shit.

The Help

A Little Late

2010-09-06T17:14:00.000-07:00

I know it's late in the day, I got a little turned around today time-wise. I've never really gotten the hang of Tuesdays, but apparently the same time/space laws apply.

So It's Monday, I've just been informed. No wonder I'm messed up.

Tomorrow is the first day of classes so today has alternately been the longest and shortest day of my life thus far. Truth told, I'm scared to death. I keep forgetting and making plans for tomorrow, but then I remember that I may very well be in class when I'm making these plans. I don't know yet of course, as I haven't been given a schedule yet. That's right, no schedule for classes that I will be expected to attend tomorrow. Cue maniacal laughter! I'm a pretty organized broad, so all of this chaos is kind of throwing me off kilter.

Wish me sleep tonight my friends, I'm gonna need all the help I can get.

The Help

And on the seventh Day, there was True Blood

2010-09-05T10:16:00.000-07:00

Well, actually, there was work, then True Blood. Gonna have me a marathon tonight....a wonderful guest has loaned (lent? Whatever, gave over) the first 2 seasons of the show, and I have seen maybe 5 episodes up to now, and it's very exciting times for me. I like those HBO shows, I like the fact that they don't hold back on the bloodletting or the swearing. And sometimes frontal nudity! Whoo-hooo!!

Lets talk about the bloodletting thing shall we? People ask me all the time why zombies, mayhem, and horror movies (I basically only watch horror and comedies. I think life provides enough drama, fuck it). What is the deep seated psychological reason behind my blood lust? No idea. I love the gore, and I live for inventive killing techniques. Like Diary of the Dead, one of King Romero's most recent efforts, is a godforsaken pile of crap but it has one redeeming quality - the kills are interesting. At one point, the group of characters is in a hospital, and when a member of the recently undead comes for one of the cast members (Good old George, he's a fan of the old school slow moving zombie), she puts defibrillator pads on either side of the zombie's head and zaps. Eyeballs explode, brains leaking......aah, good times. The helicopter blade massacre in 28 Weeks Later? Forget about it. I'm almost never scared by any of these movies, and double plus bonus, I am completely prepared for the zompocolypse.

So last night I went to a bonfire. There was just 4 of us there for most of it, and it was really chill. At one point, my fella and I walked far enough away from the fire that we couldn't really see the fire light anymore. And then we looked up. My God, talk about the wonder of the universe. It was possibly the most amazing thing I've ever seen. It was like we could see til the end of the world. I've never seen so many stars, such a wide scope of sky, uninterrupted by light pollution. It's nights like that, when the northern lights come out to dance for us, and a shooting star makes it's trek across the sky (for real), the most wonderful man has his arm around me.....it's nights like that that make me forget. I forget about school stress, and fear, and annoyance and bad service. It's nights like last night that make me realise how very lucky I am. I see amazing, beautiful things that MOST people in the world will never ever see, and I am so grateful. Shit, I wish I could paint. But maybe the view, and the world, and the universe I saw last night, this giant vista of sheer awesome, maybe it's better just in my head.

I will leave you at that my friends, til next time.

The Help

The Hangover Crises of 2010 has passed

2010-09-04T13:15:00.000-07:00

Alright, so maybe it was only a crises to me, but it felt like the battle of the end of days was happening inside my noggin for much of yesterday. See, I drink Jack Daniels. Jack Daniels with water as my mix. The brave few who have tried it have decided that it tastes like either perfume or nail polish remover. I think it tastes like awesome, but it is very, very hard on the head. Like getting beaten up from the inside out. It would probably be best if I talked about something else now, all this JD talk is making me shaky and scared.

I'm feelin less bitter toward the world today as well, which is probably nice for everyone, in particular, my fella. I don't think I was very pleasant to be around yesterday. I finally, after about 2 weeks of wrangling, procured a plane ticket off of the wonderful people over at aeroplan (oh, how my tune changed when I actually got the ticket), so for the first time ever since I've moved here, I will be flying down south in December. Gonna visit my man, some friends, and a giant cheese. I also ordered beads today - in my obviously copious spare time, I make jewelry. So the bead shopping was a treat. Yep, I've got the world on a string here today.

So in the spirit of my lack of hangover, I present to you another segment in the Idiot series -

How to Party (Part 14)

Everyone, including you, needs to party more. The world would be a much nicer place if everyone spent a little more time getting stupid. At 33, I figured I'd be past the partying stage, but no, I party. Remember when you were 22? Me either, so it must have been a hell of a good time:

Better to over dress then under dress. So you may be the only person in a skirt and heels, but wait! What's that sound? That's the sound of everyone noticing you.
Don't plan too much. You've got 14 parties you are supposed to hit up tonight - bring enough cab money, but also resign yourself to the fact that you may not want to leave the first party, let alone the 8th. If you're having a laugh, you are not missing out.
Bring only the essentials - ID, money, booze, lipgloss, condoms. Think about what you're bringing before you go. If you end up drinking in an ally somewheres, you don't want to be lugging around a duffle bag full of foundation and spare pantyhose. If you don't want to carry it, don't bring it.
Know that (if it's a good party), by the end of the night, you're going to look and smell like a wet ashtray, no matter how much prep time you put in or how much crap you haul around with you.
Life is too short for shitty parties! If you aren't having a kick ass time, pull up stakes and get the truck out of there. Any hot number such as yourself will find a fresh new gig double time.
Don't leave your friends behind. Or let them get felt up by nasty dudes with facepaint in the living room corner. Also, if a friend wants to leave, take their word for it - fuck off with the moaning and the guilt trips. Let them be adult enough to decide for themselves. Help them get home, it doesn't mean you have to pack it in right?
This is very, very important. Partying often leads to drinking. Drinking often leads to drunkness. Drunkness inevitably leads to DUMBASS BEHAVIOR. I once had a friend physically remove the phone from my apartment so I couldn't drunk dial an ex. He gave me back my phone the next day and will forever be exempt from my "people to kill" list. Friendship yo.
If you see an ex - friend/partner/sister in law, don't get into it at the party. Neither of you will be making any sense and it just brings everyone down. Don't be a buzz kill man.
Know your limits, drinking, drugs, gambling, strippers. Know when enough is enough. If you just got hitched to a busty gal named Candy, you may be over the line. If you've vomited on anyone (especially Candy) you have crossed over. If you have come to the realisation that you have licked several people's faces, go home. You've had enough.
If the cops come: firstly, congrats, clearly it's a kickin' shin dig. Secondly, don't argue with the cops. They don't give a fiddler's fuck about what you were up to before they arrived (unless there was virgins being sacrificed or something), chances are, they just want you to simmer down some. turn the music down, stop riding the dog like a bull, put your clothes back on.The cops don't want to arrest you, they want to get on to the next call.
If you are going to get it on at a party, EVERYONE will know about it soon enough, and you have just engraved your own gossip invitation. All in good fun right?

Everyone has done something stupid and/or embarrassing at parties. If you haven't, you aren't trying hard enough. Get out there, have a laugh. I'm going to stop partying when I'm dead. I'll sleep then too. Remember that every party leaves a disaster in it's wake, so be thoughtful of your host. Be nice. Don't be an idiot.

Happy Saturday my friends.
The Help

2010-09-03T15:15:00.000-07:00

I would like to preface by saying I have a hangover. This hangover seems to have a life of it's own, this is a vile beast of a hangover, haven't had one this bad in a while. But there was no morning after puking, which in the few times it has happened, I've found very alarming. I mean shit, it cannot be a good sign if you actually couldn't sleep it off. Perhaps my liver is actually trying to up and run away. I'm not telling you this for sympathy's sake, I'm telling you so that if I seem particularly rotten today, it's because everything is colored by a slightly green, nauseous, vaguely fuzzy patina.

There's days I really hate living here. And yes, I do understand that no matter where in the world I am, there will be days that I hate living there, even the far greener pastures of Newfoundland. Please to tell dear Help, why so bitter? Well I'll tell you. Aside from the awful bureaucratic frenzy that has been the start of my northern academic career, I've had a pretty heavy case of south-sickness these last few days. Not home-sickness as such, it's defiantly a south thing. I can't tell you what I would give to be able to go to a bookstore. Have a latte. I went looking for some kind of treat for myself yesterday, as I was really needing a little retail therapy, and the two stores that are available didn't offer any relief. I went home empty handed. Do you know how nice it would be to be able to buy a t-shirt, just because? So take delight in these things, my friends who live in the south. Think about how lucky you are to be able to go and sit under a tree.

Case in point: there are basically four restaurants in this fair city. Four that offer sit down, people will bring you food, service. There are other options, sort of, but that's not what we're talking about today. I have a group of friends, and generally once a week, we get together for lunch at one of these establishments. It's really nice for us, it's a cool oasis where none of us (meaning me) have to cook. Of the four restaurants, there is one we cannot visit because it is the former employer of one of the group. We are down to three. The one place we visit the most often has typically laughable service, but it is again something that one becomes accustomed to in the north. We overlook. We don't complain. We keep going back. But today dear readers, even the usual craptastic service, was above and beyond. They outdid themselves this day, and everyone in the group left roaring mad. I won't get into the major details, cause really who cares besides us, but I will say this - everyone was late for work. I had to miss an entire orientation event because they took so long getting it together. And the bit that really galls me is that we all had to pay FULL PRICE to have them fuck up our day. If we were in the south, this restaurant would be out of business. If this were the south, these managers who were afraid to look any of us in the eye, would be kissing our asses so we didn't tell everyone and their sister of our ordeal. There would be free dessert. And that is another reason why I have this deep seated south-sickness. They treat us poorly, offer "two slices of deep fried awful (so says my good friend Chris)", and give us food that is ok at best. They do this because they can. What are our alternatives? We are running out of restaurants. Try, my southern friends, to wrap your head around the notion that there are TWO PLACES you can go. Scary isn't it?

I realise that there are many things wrong with the world, that there is hunger and strife and Miley Cyrus assaulting the eardrums of our fragile youth, and so my grievance with exceptionally poor service my seem a tad shallow, but the day to day living in the north is never easy, and so a life stripped of simple pleasures is a very frightening prospect.

But enough. There have been good bits from these last few days as well. Last night was my last time hosting karaoke after a 2 year run, and most everyone I've ever known and loved in this city came out for the final showdown. I sang my ass off, shook it like I owned it, and of course got silly drunk.

Several people who's opinion I hold very dear told me that they love my blog, and send it on to their friends. I've had almost 500 views of this here blog in the scant week that I've been doing it. I only figured out how to check the stats yesterday, and I was completely boggled. So for that, thank you.

My choir had it's first rehearsal of the season last night, and I'm still high. It was such a joy, we all left walkin on sunshine.

I got many sweet kisses today. I am a lucky girl indeed.

So today's slice of deep fried awesome: www.fmylife.com. Whatever kind of bad day you've had, these poor mo-fo's have had it much worse, promise. These are little tales, and they are all so mortifying, you start to feel good about yourself, cause while lunch may have been shitty, and there's no place to buy books or shoes, at least no one pissed on your pillow and stole your grandmother. Silver lining right?

I hope today is the best day of your life. And I hope tomorrow is better.

Love,
The Help

No more coffee for me today!! Will try and curb my exclamation point use!!!

2010-09-01T13:13:00.000-07:00

I'm kind of hovering above my chair, ready for take off. I don't usually drink this much caffeine, and my, it's hit me like a wet brick here today. I got up super early for orientation (which I did show up to - a mere 20 minutes late. Those 20 minutes were spent trying to figure out where in hell it was), and had some crazy tea, and thus the caffeine spiral began. ANYWAY, orientation was, uh, something. People kept asking me if I was an instructor, my sunglasses were stolen during a 3 minute getting to know you exercise, and if anything I am way more scared then I was this time yesterday. But it'll be ok, every little thing is gonna be alright. Bob Marley told me so.

So today I'm going to add another Idiot segment. I've decided to go out of order, and this segment, "How to Be a Friend" is one of my faves.

How to Be a Friend (Part 4)

Ever since the big guy put the first two idiots out of Eden and told 'em to multiply, we have been on an all idiots, all the time joyride. Thankfully we have friends to hold us up. Again, this seems pretty basic, but we are a BUNCH OF IDIOTS, so we need all the help we can get:

No, it's not ok to call up a friend in the middle of the night to borrow money for lap dances. In fact, you probably shouldn't call in the middle of the night in general. If someone calls me in the middle of the night, I want to see either a bone sticking out of skin, or a corpse.
There are two simple ways to fuck up a solid friendship: money and sex. Don't have sex with your friends fool! And money....have you ever watched Judge Judy? That is why you should never lend your friends money. Obviously, I'm not talking about the cost of a meal if your wallet gets left home, I'm talking real advances. Money for car payments, or rent, or the quickie annulment after your most recent trip to Vegas.
If you have messed up, and done one of the above, it's ok, there are solutions. About money: write it down, make a re-payment plan and stick to it even though it sucks to get all up in your peep's grill. Think how much worse it will be after a few months, and you haven't said anything, and they're scared you're going to, so they've found new friends, and you're resenting being the good guy.....you know what, just don't lend your friends money. and the sex issue. First you have to figure out if you want to get it on again, or if that one ride on the platonic hobby horse is enough.If it's just the one time, know that shit is gonna be awkward and weird for a little while, and then you'll both move on. If you want to do it more then once, then you're either getting into a relationship, or becoming (dun dun duuuuuun) friends with benefits. I may be an idiot, but I'm not that stupid.
The debate every person has had with themselves at least once in their lives - because I'm a good friend, do I say something about the stupid hair/fat ass/bad choices in partners/BO? Or, because I'm a good friend, do I never ever say anything about the unibrow/shoulder pads/hippie stank? This is a very tough debate, and I think it hinges on several factors. You never say anything about fat, life choices, or partners (think of it this way - if they stay together forever, who was the asshole that doubted and spoke up? Holy lifetime of resentment Batman). You never say anything about coulda, woulda, shoulda (yeah, cause you want to hear I told you so from someone besides mom). The other stuff, weigh in only if it gets brought up. In private. With kindness and love. You gotta remember, these people probably don't realise that they smell or whatever, and it certainly was never their intention to draw attention to themselves in such a negative way.
Don't bail on your friends to get laid. at the beginning of a relationship, poeple are going to disappear for a bit, it's inevitable. Don't be the person who disappears forever. Don't be the person who forgets that they had a whole wide life before meeting the new fun times partner.
Give your friends a hundred chances. Or better yet, don't count the chances.
Know that, sometimes things said, even out of love, can cut to the bone.
A true friend never brings a friend on Maury Povich. Or forgets a birthday, or pulls away when lovin' is needed. You don't need to buy extravagant gifts, or leap to action every time something is wrong. More often the knowledge of not being alone, knowing that there is always someone in your corner is far better then any potential beat down a friend could provide.
If you ever make a friend choose between you and another loved one, you will be the one to lose. Everytime.
To paraphrase the great Chip and Pepper, "friends don't let friends wear speedos". Also, friends don't let friends have mullets, butt bows on wedding dresses, Twilight obsessions, listen to the Eagles, or wear dresses that are the equivalent of poring ten pounds of sugar in a five pound bag. Or crocs. Under any circumstances, crocs are not ok.

Mean things get said sometimes. As a friend, you forgive. Also as a friend, you watch your stupid mouth because every word you say has resonance. the good bit about us all being idiots, is that we're all idiots. We're all in the same boat, paddling with one oar, not knowing which direction we're pointed in, hoping for the best with each stroke. Take care of your friends. Be nice. Don't be an idiot.

So wish me luck in the madhouse tomorrow.
Go do something nice for someone you love.

The Help

Ahhh, the North

2010-08-31T14:17:00.000-07:00

You get used to it, this is what I tell people the most, you get used to it. You get used to slowing down, and the insane prices, and the crappy availability of regular consumer products (last Christmas, there was no milk to be found anywhere in the city for just over a week. There was eggnog though.). You get used to people not answering the phones in the middle of the day and week, you get used to buying everything on line. You also get used to having money, and having parties where everyone you invite shows up. You get used to doing things for your neighbors, and saying hi to strangers on the street. You get used to knowing EVERYONE.

I don't even notice price tags anymore, after three years. My mother says things like, "well, I would just do without rather then pay $10 for a carton of orange juice". But that's not how it works....how long you gonna go without orange juice ma? It's just money. If I wanted, if there was anything I did without, it might be a different story, but I want for nothing, and it's just money. You gotta be kinda zen you know, or you might lose your ever loving mind round here sometimes.

I have a perfect example. I'm starting a new chapter in my life - The Help Becomes a Nurse is what I'm calling it in my head. So classes start next Tuesday, but orientation begins tomorrow. Ask me what time orientation begins. No idea. Where is it? Excellent question, and if you hear the answer please let me know. I just called the one number that is listed for these vital questions, and when I called it, got a recording that states that they are super busy so stop calling. I guess I'll just show up at some point tomorrow then? Uh...

Let me tell you about the application process, it's a study in bureaucratic hell. So you have to get so many forms filled out, and if you've attended a post secondary institution (which I have, 2 different ones to be precise) you have to give your transcripts. You need three reference letters, a criminal record check, Christ I can't even remember what all else. So four months ago, I got all these bits of paper, and it wasn't easy dear readers, as most of the info needed currently resides in various paperwork factories, I mean government buildings, in Newfoundland. Nevertheless! I got everything in on time, and again my mother is a saint for running all over God's creation getting papers for me. I had three killer references - my boss (who wrote the sweetest, kindest reference ever), a good friend who happens to be an instructor at the very college, and a MLA (which is Member of the Legislative Assembly). I'm a good student, so I wasn't too worried about my transcripts. I've never been in trouble (knock wood), so no problem on the record check front. Done and done.

Three weeks after I hand in everything they've asked for, they decide they need to see my highschool grades. Now, I must insert here - I'm 33 years old. I have a degree and a diploma, but they wanted to see what I did 16 years ago. Obviously. So again I send my sainted mother to wait in line for me to get one piece of paper. The college receives said piece of paper, and after a week or two of deliberation, tells me that I have been accepted PROVISIONALLY, as my grade 11 math mark was not up to par. I shit you not. I had to do a math test, and once that was done I would receive the glorious acceptance letter. So I wrote the math test, killed it, and waited with bated breath for my letter. Which after ANOTHER three weeks, did not come. So I truck myself up to the college because I understand now that it's against some unwritten policy for anyone to answer any phone ever, where I am told that I have not been accepted. My acceptance is still pending.

So I think about it for a day. Then I very politely tell one of the registrar people that they have a week to get me a letter, or I'm withdrawing my application. The lady was quite shocked. I believe she is used to people laying themselves prostrate before her, throwing their lives into her hands, and possibly baking her cookies. I've never been very good at being an ass kisser, and as mentioned, I am much older and more experienced then most people who will be entering this program, and my bullshit tolerance barrier has been breached.

They did not call in the week. So I went on vacation assuming that I was not going to school, that my life would stay pretty much as it has been for the last few years. Then while I was in a bar in the middle of the day (what? I was on vacation) I get a call on my blackberry, I have indeed been accepted. Well.

Cut to me three weeks later. I STILL have not received the blessed acceptance letter (the letter that one can go no further as a student, or get financial assistance without). So again I walk myself up to the college, and let the head admissions person know. She says she'll do it when she can, and I counter with - I'm not leaving without it. I'll just sit outside your office then? Ok! I get the letter 30 seconds later. Weird.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't have to provide a parchment rubbing of Egyptian hieroglyphics or promise away my first born. I didn't need to bring in footage from the grassy knoll, or living proof of aliens, so I pretty much got off scot free right? It's done, I'm in, let the games begin.

Next of course, I've got to try and secure funding. If you see a whimpering shell of a woman, rocking and sucking her thumb in a corner, you'll at least know I made it out alive.

'Til next time,
The Help

And so it begins

2010-08-29T08:52:00.000-07:00

I don't know when I turned into one of those people - last night, me and my fave man were watching movies (instead of partying! Again!), and I was like, my god, it must be the middle of the night, I gotta go to bed. It was 10:30. What the what?! We did watch two great movies however (and not a zombie among 'em. I must be growing up) "Kick Ass" and "The Losers". "Kick Ass" is a little weird, pretty funny (this is so far the one and only Nick Cage effort that I enjoy) and SUPER FUCKING VIOLENT. And theres a little girl majorly involved with the violence, so don't watch it if it'll put you off your cornflakes. Blood everywhere, and you can hear the body hits. Wonderful. The other one, "The Losers", I'd never even heard of before, but it came with high recommendations from my bestie Matthew, and he's usually good for it. It was a really good time, funny, with lots of stuff getting blown up in over the top ways. I do enjoy a good smashy-smashy.

In other news, I'm never going to finish this farking book. So today I'll begin posting "Drowning in Idiots: A How To Guide", because I still want it out there, I still want it read. Some of you have read this before, some, this is the first time, so some notes first: 1. yes I wrote it all 2. you are totally welcome to share with people, just please use my name (I'm making the "hi-ya" threatening sounds at you right now), don't be stealing my work please 3. Yes, while some of this may sound familiar, I'm not talking about anyone specific, generally. 4. Theres lots of swears, so if you don't like that kind of thing, don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out.

It started as a joke rant after dealing with idiots at my job, and so many people read, and commented and made me feel like a rock star, that I just kept it up. I aim for funny, but it can't all be gold right? Mostly, I just want people to remember that we're all people, and for god's sake, we're got to take better care of each other. We have to be nicer. And so it begins.

How to Stay in a Hotel (Part 1 in the How to Not be an Idiot Series)

Staying in a hotel seems like something everyone knows how to do right? You are wrong. People are idiots. Unfortunately, you are people, therefore, you are an idiot. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, but thats the way shit is. I have a theory that the further from home you are, the stupider you get, so I'm going t tell you all a few things from a hotel perspective:

Yes, you will need a credit card. I am baffled by people who are surprised about this. It's a global standard, and any place you don't need a credit card for? You don't want to stay there. Trust.
If the front desk person is super friendly, no, that does not mean they want in your pants. It's their JOB to be friendly. Also, unless you've been specifically invited, no one at the front desk wants you to come hang out and chat. I promise, none of them give a rats ass, but they are too professional/polite to tell you that they have shit to do.
If someone remembers your name, give 'em a freaking prize! No other details will be recalled. Nadda.
If the room you requested is not available, that means it's not available. Don't be an idiot! I know it's hard but giving someone hell over a room you want when there are many many identical rooms.....well, thats idiot behavior. And if there are no rooms available at all, shitting on the front desk person is not going to magically build a room right? Be a grown up, find somewhere else to go. Also, be responsible for your own aaccommodation - make reservations.
No one says "please" or "thank you" anymore. Is it so hard?? Do it and see what happens.You'd probably be surprised at how easy a hotel person can make your life if they like you.
Yelling is uncool, in any situation. So is name calling - yeah yeah, everyone who is reading this is relatively calm, but are you innocent? Probably not. Again, I'm going to ask you to trust me, life will become miserable. Any guest who uses up all their nice cards in one shot with me always regrets it later. I will always be polite, I will always get your shit done, but certainly not in a timely fashion, and probably not in the way you envisioned. I have learned how to make "thank you" sound like "fuck you"
READ THE SIGNS PEOPLE!! For whatever question you have, there are probably three signs in your room telling you the answer.
It is not the hotel person's fault that you had four layovers, and your luggage is lost, and your wife made you sleep on the couch for the last week. Be nice. Keep in mind that the person working behind the desk has a whole life outside of the building, and they may have been sleeping on the couch themselves. I'm not saying you need to tolerate shitty customer service, just have normal expectations.
The front desk person is not a housekeeper. Say it with me - the front desk person is not a housekeeper. And housekeepers are not maids, it's totally insulting to be called a maid, so give it up! The front desk person is not your personal assistant, your bitch, your mother, your spouse, your shrink, your matchmaker......

This stuff doesn't just apply to hotels, it applies in real life as well - tour guides, retail people, teachers, the voice at the call center. I guess what I'm basically saying is, be nice. Don't be an idiot.

So that's for today my darlings,
The Help

No turns to Negative Town today

2010-08-28T11:10:00.000-07:00

I started to write about the soul destroying, will-to-live sucking experience I've had in the last few days, the dreaded trying to collect a plane ticket offa the folks at aeroplan, but I have decided that it's too much negativity, and jeebus, life is too short.

So I've had the last couple of days off of work, which is why there have been no postings - I don't have internet at home. I don't have cable either. It's because I'm too cheap, and I'd just spend all my time watching Glee anyways. I thought in the beginning that I would miss tv, and I'd definitely miss the internet, but not so my friends, no so. The internet for me is just a giant recipe box with sometime visits to wikipedia, and I can do that stuff on my blackberry. I find that when I leave work, and thus leaving the internet behind, I'm forced to slow down, and I love that. I read and take baths, and make stuff. I drink tea and visit with people. Sounds like fun right? Aahh, life before texting. And the television thing. I'm not one of those people who pretends that they've never owned a tv, and are above such shallow time wasting (uuuuggggh, just picture one of those people. Insufferable right? Ok, now picture one of those people locked in a room with Chuck Norris). I like tv, don't get me wrong. But there are definatly pros to not having cable for the last three years - if I watch a tv show, it's on dvd, so the next episode is always available, no waiting for next week. There's no commercials on dvds either, and I really really hate commercials. Theres no such thing as Jersey Shore or The Hills in my world. There is no room for Paris Hilton. I love movies, so I watch lots and I have a dizzying dvd collection. I kick yo ass in movie triva, oh yes. And all that money that I don't spend on internet and cable is pretty handy to have around. You know, pay off debt (ok ok, pay debt and buy zombie shoes). So yes, I'm too cheap to spend the approximatly 100 million dollars on cable and internet (God bless the north), but my quality of life is WAY high, so maybe that's a good thing. To quote the great Russell Peters - "you pronounced it 'cheap' but what I heard was 'smart'".

Which brings me to today's slice of deep fried awesome. That would be Russell Peters' stand up dvd "Red, White and Brown". Oh my god, the first time I watched this video.....be warned though. It is not for the faint of heart, and he is on the verge of racist against oh, EVERYONE, but Christ on a mic, is it ever funny. My sister gave me this video for Christmas a few years ago, and I opened it first cause I knew it was a dvd. I had no idea who Russell Peters was, and I wasn't expecting much. Not because my sister has bad taste, but because you never know with stand up, maybe he's not my kind of funny. So I put on this video while I was eating breakfast on Christmas morning, opening the rest of my gifts. Well I believe I inhaled some of my fishcakes with the laughing, and I will forever have cod lodged in my brain. For the love of God don't let your kids watch it.

And that be all today my darlings, Momma got livin' to do.

Sincerely,
The Help

I'll Just Be Out Back......

2010-08-25T17:38:00.000-07:00

.....pretending it's another Thursday. It is of course Wednesday, but it feels like Friday, and I don't think I could confuse myself any further if I tried. I've been feeling mildly crazy (or super extra crazy, depending on who you ask) today, and I don't know if it's the weather (god awful), pms (likely), or the build up to what is surely going to be the craziest time of my life, but I do know that if the frigging phone rings one more frigging time, I'm gonna take it apart piece by piece and eat it. Not even deep fried. Have you ever had a day like that? Not a bad day as such, just one of those days that you don't know whether to scratch your watch or wind your butt? That is today for I.

There's been good bits though. My dear friend Angela called me out of the blue, which was a lovely treat, and I had a KILLER lunch with my favorite man -this sandwich concoction with flat bread, pesto, rosemary roasted chicken and cheese, it was offensively good, definitely going on my regular menu rotation. I made plans to start up my choir for the season again today. I got many sweet kisses. Good things that make me forget that I want to light my hair on fire sometimes, just to get out of dealing with idiots.

Moving on! So as mentioned, I have a secret (well, not so secret now) obsession with gossip blogs. I love this stuff, because I feel morally superior (oh please, don't judge me for judging these fools. I have two words for you: Lindsey Lohan), smart (well hello Jessica Simpson), well-adjusted (unlike the various Spearses. Spears's? Speari? whatever, you know what I mean) and there pictures of pretty boys and sometimes there's shoes. I read four with fair regularity, but my longest standing gossip love affair is with Lainey at www.laineygossip.com. She be a judgy, fickle bitch, and I love every word out of her mouth. I love that she's Canadian, and a proud Canadian. I feel like she knows me better for this. I love that she hates all this Twilight foolishness, but what I love the most, it's that she relishes shattering the illusions of the unwashed masses like ourselves. She doesn't want you to be fooled by press conferences and crocodile tears, fake boobs and lashes. She wants you to see these people as they really are - flawed, dumb, entitled HUMANS. So today, Lainey is my slice of fried awesome.

Aaannnnd, there goes the phone again. It was fun while it lasted.

The Help

Hilarity and Deep Fried Awesome

2010-08-24T12:54:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had a touton? It's fried bread dough with butter and molasses, and until you've had some, you don't even know what deep fried awesome is - get a Newfoundlander to make 'em for you, we're the only ones that know how to do it right. One of my favorite cookbooks, called "Fatback and Molasses" is seriously old school Newfoundland, and it seems like all the recipes are written by your Aunt Mildred from Black Duck Cove (I don't actually know anyone from Black Duck Cove, couldn't even tell you where it is on a map, I just like the way those words sound together. Weird? Perhaps). My favorite part isn't the recipes as such, though there are lots of good ones, my favorite part is the instructions for the recipes......my go-to brownie recipe is on page 141, and after listing the ingredients, the reader/chef is instructed to put the batter in a greased baking pan and "bake in the oven until done". Riiiight. The assumption that you just know what the proper temperature is, and also how long it's supposed to bake for, I die at it.

I had a tidbit about some hospitality hilarity here for about 15 seconds til I decided that maybe a tell-all while I'm working here might not be the best plan for my career at this stage. It's too bad cause the story was funny, and such a good example of how people treat the help - like a cross between Aladdin's genie and Mr. Belvedere, with a side order of Whitney Houston's fictional sister in "The Body Guard".

And today, for the first ever slice of deep fried awesome, you should check out www.textsfromlastnight.com. The first day I went on this site, I was engrossed for hours, banging my head on my desk laughing. Like fear of vomit laughing. At one point I had to answer the work phone, and had to give myself a mental slap to stop braying like an idiot. I pick up the phone, and instead of my usual extremely perky, professional greeting, I snorted directly into the phone. Long and loud. It was a proud moment.

Now get back to work. Or have some of The Sex.

Cordially,
The Help

Alright already

2010-08-23T18:38:00.000-07:00

So I write a lot. Like, a lot. I used to publish stuff on facebook, but all their privacy/lack thereof issues give me the heebie jeebies, plus! I kept hearing it over and over - "you should write a blog". So here I is. Writing.

I haven't got a specific type of blog in mind, this isn't going to be all about cooking, or idiots, though I do enjoy cooking and making fun of idiots. I'm gonna write about what I feel like writing about, and sorta see what happens from there. I have two friends who write blogs that I freakin love, and as soon as I figure out how, I'll link it all up. Or something.

First order of business. I wrote a book last year, or rather, a series of blogs (see?) and I was gonna publish, like on paper, but I have so many balls in the air right now, what with the jobs, upcoming school and a fresh relationship, that not only do I not want to spend any more time reading/editing/beating my head against a wall, I don't want to put any money into it. Right here my friends, I'm gonna publish it segment by segment, and wash my hands of the whole mess.

Why I'm "The Help". I work in the service industry, have forever. I feel like you can tell a lot about a person by how they treat the help, such as myself, and while I've become increasingly frustrated with being the help, I have signed up for a school program where I will forever be the help - Nursing. Clearly, I'm a glutton for punishment. I'm in it for the cute hat.

So my dears, my darlings, have patience with me, for I know not what I do. Yet. But I will, swears.